All girls I know are out of my league

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I realize that if I ever want to get a date, I should look for someone in my league. In my case, this means that I should look for someone with some kind of blemish that would stop other guys from dating her.

But the girls in my environment are "too perfect". They're beautiful, they're nice, they're popular. OK, there are a few exceptions. But for some reason, those who are less attractive are usually those who are unfriendly to me (I would have expected it the other way around). And there are some deal breakers for me, too, such as smoking or extreme overweight.

I've only ever known one girl with whom I might really have had a chance. She was in my high-school class, and she wasn't very popular because she was an immigrant and a Muslim. Apparently, there weren't that many people who were friendly to her, but I was one of them. I kind of liked her and I helped her a lot with her chemistry homework, but I was only 17 and not really interested in dating at that age.

One year later, I switched to another school. Some girls there seemed quite introverted they and received little attention from other guys. Though my interest in dating slowly developed, I didn't know what to do at all. I'm not sure if I would have had a chance if I had tried.

But at the university, things somehow changed completely. I mainly know fellow math students and members of the orchestra. The "market value" of female math students is boosted by the fact that there are so few, and in the orchestra, there are just no technically compatible girls in my league, either.

Is this a general problem or just bad luck?

If you feel the girls you are attracted to are out of your league, then it's best to get in their league. I realize it's easier said than done, but it's not impossible. Always conduct yourself to attract the people you want. It seems like you already had some missed opportunities because you convinced yourself you didn't have a chance.

Currently, I'm not actually attracted to anyone. But most people at my age have had some kind of dating experience, and I feel excluded.

There is a chance that I will move to a higher league in a couple of years, if I have a PhD and a good income then. But I'm not sure if that's the way I want to attract women...

I don't think I'm that repellant. In fact, the high-school girl I mentioned above told me that I was "very kind", and I think she meant it. But I can perfectly understand that girls who have other options would rather be with someone more popular and attractive.

I have no clue what to do about that. The sports metaphor suggests that getting into a higher league requires me to compete and let my appearance convey that I'm better than others. But I'd be really uncomfortable doing that. In this forum, people are often told to go to the gym. But I don't need to lose weight and I have no use for extra muscles, so it would only be useful for showing off my strength, which I wouldn't like, either.

As a woman I can tell you what I and others look for. Appearance is only the highest priority for extremely superficial women. Believe me, you don't want one of those as a girlfriend. Once the initial attraction wears off, you will be bored and unfulfilled. For me, I only care about appearance in such a way that I'm able to tell a guy respects himself. That means basic hygiene and healthy diet. The logic here is that if he can't respect his own body, there's no way he's going to respect me. The rest of attraction has a whole lot to do with character. Women who are interested in a long-term meaningful relationship want a man who is confident and has a healthy level of self-esteem. If you already convinced yourself that everyone is out of your league, then chances are the women you're around can sense that.

What you have to do is figure out a way to build confidence. It's all psychological at this point. Maybe take some kickboxing classes or practice some other skill. Women find that really sexy and you will feel much better about your chances. Like attracts like, so if you honestly believe you're inherently decent and worthy, then women will sense that. It has to be honest though. Women know when a guy is faking it.

how do you know that they are out of your league ?
Did they tell you so ?

I've had guys claim that I'm out of their league because of how they look, and I honestly am not that fussed how people look so I actually disagree with two of my friends who are determined to believe that I'm out of their league.

But there's nothing I can do about them finding me too intimidating to approach romantically / sexually (I guess because of how I look) even if I'm not out of their league... and that's what their problem really is, from my perspective, rather than it being about which metaphorical leagues we're all in.

^ I have similar problems in social groups and with dating.

if you ask me, the whole "league" system is a load of bull, created by the popular girls to have a "legitimate" reason to turn down guys, and to my knowlege, based on little more then looks.
dating-wise, you are in the league that you internally believe you are in. just look around on a market day how mismatched some couples appear to be.
even if you dont look the part as higher 'league' girls, there is more then exterior, you are worth more then you look like.

If you feel your looks are holding you back, work on them. Nobody looks like Chris Hemsworth by default. There are unattractive guys (I'm not saying that you are) with hot girlfriends, but they tend to be very outgoing and popular. If you're going to date someone with a setback similar to Asperger's, make sure it's a setback that's actually compatible with Asperger's; I dated a girl with borderline once--it did NOT have a happy ending.