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billiscool
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17 Jul 2013, 11:29 pm

so,one of my older female friend,or somewhat a friend.
always get mad at me when I ask
''are you still married''
''have you gotten a divorce,yet''

she gets mad at me,why.
she went ''I don't really like that''
and she leaves.

we had problems in past,
she didn't talk to me for 7 months,because
I called her a hyprocrite, but
she yelled at me first. She needs to get overthing.

so,ladies and guys is it offensive
if you ask if a person is still married,
and why is it.



Who_Am_I
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17 Jul 2013, 11:32 pm

Yes, because marriage is assumed to be a permanent state of affairs. By asking if they're divorced yet, you're implying that they're incapable of making the relationship work.


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waitykatie
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17 Jul 2013, 11:43 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
Yes, because marriage is assumed to be a permanent state of affairs. By asking if they're divorced yet, you're implying that they're incapable of making the relationship work.

Or that you regard the relationship as fake or unstable, or her spouse as someone beneath your respect. It also implies that your true interest in her is sex, not friendship.



justkillingtime
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17 Jul 2013, 11:47 pm

When someone tells you "I don't really like that", it is best to respect their feelings and stop.


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MR_BOGAN
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18 Jul 2013, 12:03 am

Yes Bill it is very offensive.

You may be making joking around. But it will come across as suggesting she is no good for a marriage and will fail at it. So it is an insult to her.
Also the joke might be a bit close to the bone, because you don't know, she could be having problems with her marriage so could be extra sensitive.

You have to be careful what you say.


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auntblabby
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18 Jul 2013, 12:04 am

people can be so complicated. :duh:



EmberEyes
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18 Jul 2013, 12:08 am

billiscool wrote:
so,ladies and guys is it offensive
if you ask if a person is still married,
and why is it.

I wouldn't find it offensive, but if it was a recurrant thing, I'd get annoyed. I do understand that there are many people out there who, as Who_Am_I and waitykatie mentioned, see it as disrespectful to themselves, their spouse and their marrige.
And if I asked you to please stop doing it, and you just kept on going, I'd get pi$$ed off.



Misslizard
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18 Jul 2013, 12:14 am

Why would you ask in the first place?Not meaning to sound brusque,but it comes off like you are hoping she is divorced so you can hit on her.That's just how I would see it as a female.
Maybe be more subtle,ask how her husband and family are doing.If she is getting divorced she may share that info with you.But respect her need for privacy.


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MXH
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18 Jul 2013, 12:32 am

if you have to ask...



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jul 2013, 1:02 am

Are you still single and fapping on porn every Saturday night?



Aspie1
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18 Jul 2013, 1:30 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Are you still single and fapping on porn every Saturday night?

What's the difference? Most wives try avoid having sex with their husbands any way their can; "I have a headache", "I'm too tired", etc. At least in America. Married or single, sex encounters are still few and far between.



CheredIsTyping
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18 Jul 2013, 1:52 am

Aspie1 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Are you still single and fapping on porn every Saturday night?

What's the difference? Most wives try avoid having sex with their husbands any way their can; "I have a headache", "I'm too tired", etc. At least in America. Married or single, sex encounters are still few and far between.


No.

In my house. Growing up. We had to avoid dark corners and learned about headphones at an early age. Sex was common, & got more common as we got older. Ir maybe we noticed it more?

I have married friends, & am married myself, and our sex lives are active. Us girls trade tips and stories.

"I have a headache"doesn't work because sex releases endorphins anf makes your brain feel better.

Trying to type legibly through my alxohol-inducrd haze, sorry.



Stargazer43
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18 Jul 2013, 5:31 am

It's extremely offensive actually, can you really not see why?



Schneekugel
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18 Jul 2013, 5:49 am

billiscool wrote:
so,one of my older female friend,or somewhat a friend.
always get mad at me when I ask
''are you still married''
''have you gotten a divorce,yet''

she gets mad at me,why.
she went ''I don't really like that''
and she leaves.

we had problems in past,
she didn't talk to me for 7 months,because
I called her a hyprocrite, but
she yelled at me first. She needs to get overthing.

so,ladies and guys is it offensive
if you ask if a person is still married,
and why is it.


Some of the words you use are emotionally pushing: ''are you still married'' ''have you gotten a divorce,yet'', it tells the person you are talking to, that you have an own oppinion about, what she should do, and how she should behave according to you. Relationships are something very private for people, so it is ok to help them with your oppinion, IF they ask you and WANT to hear it. But around my country many people feel it as quite rude and offensive, if other want to tell them with using such "pressure" words, how they shall live their live according to them. Other people have no use, living their life as others would like it to be, because they are not other people. Their life must be so that they are happy, not so that other would be happy, if they would change roles.

So its ok, to tell your oppinion about someones relationship if you get asked directly, but around my area you dont go to people and tell them, what you think about their partners, and if they should divorce them.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jul 2013, 5:59 am

CheredIsTyping wrote:
Aspie1 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Are you still single and fapping on porn every Saturday night?

What's the difference? Most wives try avoid having sex with their husbands any way their can; "I have a headache", "I'm too tired", etc. At least in America. Married or single, sex encounters are still few and far between.


No.

In my house. Growing up. We had to avoid dark corners and learned about headphones at an early age. Sex was common, & got more common as we got older. Ir maybe we noticed it more?

I have married friends, & am married myself, and our sex lives are active. Us girls trade tips and stories.

"I have a headache"doesn't work because sex releases endorphins anf makes your brain feel better.

Trying to type legibly through my alxohol-inducrd haze, sorry.


Aspie1 and Mrs drunk, that wasn't the point of my question.



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18 Jul 2013, 6:12 am

justkillingtime wrote:
When someone tells you "I don't really like that", it is best to respect their feelings and stop.


That's it, billiscool. She said it was offensive, therefore it is.

Even if we told you all "No it is not offensive" that would give you no right to invalidate her by saying "Some people on the internet told me it is not offensive so stop whining" or whatever you would have done.
If someone feels offended by things I say that I truly believe are harmless. I still must respect their point of view and not mention them. If it's real bad and I hate walkingon eggshells I do have a choice of stopping my dealings with that person though.


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