Anxiety / rejection / distancing / panic attacks

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Help required, please.

I seem to be stuck in a pattern whereby if I fall in love I become anxious of rejection very soon after. I get distant and withdrawn and defensive. I know I'm doing it and it makes me so anxious I get panic attacks.

It's just happened again. The girl I love is pushing me away because I haven't been affectionate enough and she felt rejected, and has now lost heart. I am on 30mg of Buspirone a day but I'm permanently shaky and distracted - four or five panic attacks a day and almost continual warning signs. Worse, I feel like cutting myself. I don't want to die (mainly because I fear death) but I don't want to live either.

I haven't been on here for a while cos I couldn't figure out whether my issues were AS manifesting themselves as anxiety, or anxiety looking like AS.

Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions for a way forward?

Not really...

Ugh, I can go through this just walking around the block. I would guess the driving force would be an intense fear of being hurt or rejected. I've always assumed that AS is a contributor to it, but not the root cause. As for moving forward, just keep stepping out of your comfort zone when you can.
It sounds like you need to work on better communication with your girl, to not aggravate matters.

I've been through that with almost all relationships_ which has been for the most part were platonic. But I still get anxious because I over think and based new relationships on past experiences and 'know' that the next person is gonna treat me the same way.

I have this thing where I'll say - I can see the future' because in actuality the way I think becomes the way I act, and what I was trying to avoid comes into fruition. Round and around.

All I can say is -if u don't relax and let go of ur inhibitions the relationship is gonna fail .....sooner than u may think. Maybe it already has.

___________________________
People will do anything to get rid of their anxiety- MadMen-

Yeah, it had.

I'm finding it very difficult to live with myself knowing that I wreck my own happiness and the happiness of those I love.

What I was really asking for is advice on the best ways to build confidence, self esteem and self awareness, and tackle my fear of rejection.

I feel I need to be getting on with sorting myself out as best I can while it's still fresh in my mind, cos I don't want to go through this again.

If I leave it too long then I'll start to delude myself that everything was perfectly justifiable and nothing really went that wrong and hey I've learnt from it anyway and it won't happen again. Except it will and the heartache increases in magnitude every time.

So what have others done? What seems to work, either in general or for those with AS?

I am borderline AS which is perhaps the most dangerous area of all as it isn't obvious and I'm very good at covering things up and deluding myself. My defence mechanisms are pretty well hard-wired into my day to day life but that's one of the issues here - they are not always appropriate and can indeed do more harm than good. On the other hand I'm scared to find out who I really am, maybe, and also VERY scared that this is just natural AS behaviour that can't be changed and I'm destined to spend my life on my own

Incidentally in the last fortnight I have attempted suicide twice.

I am currently taking Venlafaxine, Buspirone and, when necessary, Diazepam.

Sometimes these are enough, sometimes they aren't. However I think they're only treating the symptoms rather than solving any problems and I'm desperate to move on from this dark place.

As usual the British NHS are still busy posting letters to each other and then ignoring them, so I'm having to consider doing stuff on my own. In fact I'm mindful that maybe exploring some things that are beyond my comfort zone could well be useful in itself as a confidence booster. I've already been for some therapy and massage, and also to a Buddhist meditation session - not things I'd ever have considered before.

I already eat pretty healthily and I don't drink anything with caffeine, which is a known anxiety trigger (though I stopped before I knew that). I do however smoke roll ups, though I'm rubbish at rolling them so this limits my daily intake! I don't exercise quite as much as I should but I'm working on it. However many of the things I used to do were with my ex and I don't want to tread on her toes by turning up for the same classes etc.

I'm open to any life-improving suggestions, mainstream or alternative. Medicinal, spiritual, domestic or leisure orientated - I don't mind. Could be directly related to how I feel, or a distraction from it. Anything at all.

If you love her and she loves you-tell her.

Tell her your patterns and how you sabotage relationships through fear of rejection and loss.
I am sure she will understand.

I had a similar situation a couple months ago with someone I fell for. In fact, this person had been mentioned in a thread here about four months ago because she was pretty depressed, and insecure herself. Her insecurity got the best of me and so did her depression. For some reason I had strong feelings for her, she may have had the feelings for me but was confused about who to be with. I told her yesterday because we became friends again recently that I actually had to keep my distance from her because I knew I had fallen for her but didn't want to tell her because her heart was elsewhere.

I was actually strong and confident when we first met and I knew this had her drawn to me. Eventually I realized after it all ended that I lost my confidence around her and it probably had to do with the way she behaved. There were certain things about me that I had not prepared myself to deal with yet either. I regained my confidence after I took my time away, and even had an emotional breakthrough elsewhere.

So yeah, the way I see it when you get anxious and lose your confidence and start getting sad, you have one of two options: Confront your fear, or eliminate yourself from the situation. Don't complain if the results are not what you wanted either.

I have the same issues

cause is not AS but rather a bad childhood coupled with abuse
i have low self esteem
low confidence

i dont think i will ever come out of it

Well OP, you are helping me bcs you sound a lot like an Aspie who I have liked for a while but am getting very frustrated with. He pushes me away and then pulls me toward him. It's tortuous. I suspect he may feel as you do. I think you should email your girl what is going on much like you've explained it to us. Let her know you are thinking about it from her perspective as well. tell her the truth if you like her you like her. There's no crime there. In fact, its good. How she handles it is NOT a reflection on you but at least you spoke the truth. Its so important for some reason.