Never had a girlfriend at 21. I feel sad and lonely???

Page 1 of 4 [ 52 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

XenSmithy
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jul 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 16
Location: Las Vegas

15 Jul 2013, 3:09 pm

I'm not exactly confident, but I try to be. Sometimes I try too hard or not hard enough. I also seem to get attention from women that I am not interested in or they turn out to be extremely desperate or tell me to much info about themselves (like their past sex life on our first phone call) and it turns me off very fast. What can I do to improve my game/confidence? Where do guys go to meet smart women?



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,657
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

15 Jul 2013, 3:51 pm

I would probably even go as far saying that most aspie males haven't had a girlfriend at age 21. I didn't even start dating until age 32.



Mike89
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 22

15 Jul 2013, 4:08 pm

I was also about 21 when I met my first girlfriend. I met her when I was studying at University.

It will happen for you, don't simply enter a relationship because you're lonely as it will only end poorly. There are dating sites for Aspie's and this might make it easier to 'connect' with someone maybe?

It is unfortunately what happens when we don't have access to the social skills others take for granted.



GregCav
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2013
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 679
Location: Australia

15 Jul 2013, 5:01 pm

Don't pin your hopes and desires on another.

You must be Independent and happy with yourself before you go getting into a relationship.
Else you'll be dependent on another for your happiness, and there's a lot of hurt in that direction.

Take care of yourself, and learn to deal with life on your own, befor getting into a relationship. you may well be 30 before you start, but you'll start on the right foot (and save yourself a lot of pain and cost).



Stargazer43
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,604

15 Jul 2013, 5:30 pm

XenSmithy wrote:
I'm not exactly confident, but I try to be. Sometimes I try too hard or not hard enough. I also seem to get attention from women that I am not interested in or they turn out to be extremely desperate or tell me to much info about themselves (like their past sex life on our first phone call) and it turns me off very fast. What can I do to improve my game/confidence? Where do guys go to meet smart women?


To improve your confidence, work on what I call personal development. Start exercising and getting in shape, take up some interesting hobbies, learn an instrument or a foreign language, start reading books and keeping up with the news. These sorts of things will help you to become a more well-rounded and well-read individual, which can help not only your relations with others but also your happiness with yourself as well.



Vectorspace
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 903
Location: Germany

15 Jul 2013, 5:39 pm

We are the 99%... OK, not quite, but at least the 70%, according to a recent poll (http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt234843.html).

That's not a pleasant prognosis, but it's not likely that either of us will make it any time soon. So don't focus on dating too much.



1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

15 Jul 2013, 5:45 pm

Never had a girlfriend at 22. I feel sad and lonely???



1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

15 Jul 2013, 5:46 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
XenSmithy wrote:
I'm not exactly confident, but I try to be. Sometimes I try too hard or not hard enough. I also seem to get attention from women that I am not interested in or they turn out to be extremely desperate or tell me to much info about themselves (like their past sex life on our first phone call) and it turns me off very fast. What can I do to improve my game/confidence? Where do guys go to meet smart women?


To improve your confidence, work on what I call personal development. Start exercising and getting in shape, take up some interesting hobbies, learn an instrument or a foreign language, start reading books and keeping up with the news. These sorts of things will help you to become a more well-rounded and well-read individual, which can help not only your relations with others but also your happiness with yourself as well.

I'm still just as unsuccessful with girls now that I look almost like a bodybuilder, can cook, work on cars, and have more hobbies and interests than anime and Gundam models than when I just was a fat nerd who played video games and watched anime all day.



Stargazer43
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,604

15 Jul 2013, 5:51 pm

1000Knives wrote:
I'm still just as unsuccessful with girls now that I look almost like a bodybuilder, can cook, work on cars, and have more hobbies and interests than anime and Gundam models than when I just was a fat nerd who played video games and watched anime all day.


But I bet the odds are far more in your favor than they used to be, even if you haven't had any tangible success yet (that's how I feel in my personal case). And even if you don't have success with women I'm sure all of those things make you feel better and happier about yourself in any event.



1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

15 Jul 2013, 5:52 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
1000Knives wrote:
I'm still just as unsuccessful with girls now that I look almost like a bodybuilder, can cook, work on cars, and have more hobbies and interests than anime and Gundam models than when I just was a fat nerd who played video games and watched anime all day.


But I bet the odds are far more in your favor than they used to be, even if you haven't had any tangible success yet (that's how I feel in my personal case). And even if you don't have success with women I'm sure all of those things make you feel better and happier about yourself in any event.


Nope I hate myself more than ever because I've not achieved anything despite doing lots of "cool" things. Before I could just say "well maybe people don't like me because I'm fat" or whatever when I really just suck at everything.



Keni
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2013
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 408
Location: Australia

15 Jul 2013, 6:00 pm

Most of those who dated early went through mismatches, broken hearts, arguments and misery.
I know I'd like to totally erase a few abysmal moments.
It's as if youth is a pit you will not emerge from unscathed however it goes.
The good news is, it gets better as you go.



1000Knives
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,036
Location: CT, USA

15 Jul 2013, 6:27 pm

Keni wrote:
Most of those who dated early went through mismatches, broken hearts, arguments and misery.
I know I'd like to totally erase a few abysmal moments.
It's as if youth is a pit you will not emerge from unscathed however it goes.
The good news is, it gets better as you go.


Yeah, you'll just have to have those mismatches, broken hearts, arguments and misery as an adult. Also all the girls that looked nice in your youth are now fat and ugly.

As far as getting better. Nah. Just remember it can always get worse. Really, on a serious note, things don't get worse or better, you just trade problems around forever until you die. Then I guess you get the problems of Purgatory/Hell when you die too.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

15 Jul 2013, 6:45 pm

I didn't have my first ''real''GF until I was 23,so maybe their hope for you guys.
but in my case,she asked me out.

(I did have a girlfriend in high school,but we really didn't do anything)



redrobin62
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,009
Location: Seattle, WA

15 Jul 2013, 6:46 pm

<--- Sad and ronery.



dajand8
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 108

15 Jul 2013, 8:00 pm

you need to sleep with the women who come onto you even if you dont like them. Once you gain experience it will give you more confidence and make it easier for you to get a girl you do like.



JBO
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 10 Nov 2012
Age: 125
Gender: Male
Posts: 119

15 Jul 2013, 8:26 pm

26, never been on a date. Not sad or ronery.