I have never dated an autistic person. What is it like?

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diablo77
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19 Jul 2013, 7:20 am

All of my relationships have been with NT's. I'm just curious as to how the dynamic is different when we date each other instead. A guy I work with has a girlfriend who's also autistic and sometimes it seems like you would "get" each other more, but there's also the loss of that conduit between you and the NT world that's helpful to have when you're dating someone NT I would imagine.



rabidmonkey4262
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19 Jul 2013, 8:32 am

It's easier in some ways, but harder in others. There is a two-way communication barrier that you will need to overcome. Looking back in my relationship, we only got in two fights, and both of those were due to miscommunication and social confusion. When dating NTs, they can sometimes compensate for any communication issues and sort of act as the "glue" of the relationship so you get a yin/yang effect where you balance each other out.

The nice thing about being in an autistic relationship is that I don't have to educate him about my condition and he doesn't expect me to socialize with a lot of other people. We can "get" each other like that. We also bond over autistic issues and we're not ashamed to tell each other about all the ASD traits we used to have as children. e.g. spending 2 hours in the bathroom to stare at the floor tiles. It's a great feeling to be so candid with someone without fear of judgement.


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Mike89
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19 Jul 2013, 8:37 am

I'd assume it would possibly be easier? We would have to explain less of our otherwise perceived strange traits .
But we'd also have both sides with obvious issues and overcoming them could be difficult, going to public places, travelling to see each other for instance?



Kinme
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19 Jul 2013, 9:08 am

A lot of misunderstandings but relating to each other is much, much easier. There isn't as big of a struggle to share experiences because you tend to have a lot of the same issues. The misunderstands are well worth the sacrifice of arguing a little bit and finding a way to overcome. It takes a lot of patience from both the people involved and can cause meltdowns, but the meltdowns I've experienced being near an autistic person aren't as bad because they know how to comfort me for the most part. Relationships aren't always easy to deal with, but I think I've been way more successful being with an autistic person than with NT's, to be honest. Deeper connection and a great understanding of each other right away.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Jul 2013, 9:24 am

From what I am seeing here, I say you're not missing out much

*taking cover in the bushes*



Kinme
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19 Jul 2013, 3:11 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
From what I am seeing here, I say you're not missing out much

*taking cover in the bushes*


They see me trollin', they hatin'... Blah, blah, blah... Something about riding dirty.



Ladywoofwoof
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19 Jul 2013, 3:22 pm

That's like asking "What's it like to have a relationship with an NT ?"

I mean, it really depends on who you're with.
People have all sorts of different personalities.



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26 Jul 2013, 11:11 am

Diablo - I'm trying to work out from your initial post whether you're Aspie or NT. Am I correct in thinking you're Aspie?


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diablo77
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26 Jul 2013, 11:25 am

Yes, I am.



nick007
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27 Jul 2013, 8:19 pm

I never had a relationship with a typical NT but one was an NT, one was an Aspie & my current is at least on the spectrum. Dating another Aspie depends on various factors including your two personalities & how your various issues affect you. My 2nd girlfriend was an Aspie who was very independent(or least wanted to be), liked a lot of alone time but I'm very dependent & love being emotionally close with my partner. So of coarse we had problems because she needed space & I felt pushed away & eventually she broke up with me realizing that she was better off without a relationship at all then. My current girlfriend is likely on the spectrum & she's clingy & needy & our relationship is going well. Some things about dating others on the spectrum are~ we don't have to hide our issues or put up a front that we feel we have to with others; we can be ourselves. We're more direct with each other & we can be emotional sensitive so there is a chance that we can accidentally upset the other person by being alittle too blunt especially when they're already in a bad mood & being prone to meltdowns means we can both blow things up worse. But there's a sense of understanding & acceptance & we can blow-off & recover from the arguments that were had due to meltdowns, stress & other factors instead of us having to majorly apologize & put forth a lot of effort into trying to explain & make up like we would with an NT.


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