How do I move closer to her?

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OK, I finally found a girl on the internet living not far from where I am, just a few kilometres away from me, and she would like to write to me (this is through online-dating site).

Anyway, in my profile I told her about myself. Who I am.
What I am doing. What I work with (programming).

But how do I move "a litle closer" to her? I mean, when we've finished all that about who we are, then what do we talk about?

Should I tell her about my theory of the universe and how I think the universe started, on a quantum level? Or should I tell her about PHP-coding and MySQL and a bit of C++?

You're kidding right? By no means should you ever discuss your theory of the universe or PHP-coding unless she professes to being interested in the same thing. Otherwise you are shooting yourself in the foot if you talk about such stuff with a girl.

Do you have any normal hobbies that NT's have like hiking? Talk about stuff like that. Talk about how you feel about her, don't pressure her to sleep with you right off the bat and don't dare speak of any previous experiences with girls or any lack of experience.

Study dating advice sites and read Dear Abby daily to get insight on what not to do with a girl.

Do you two share any common interests? Because obviously it would be good to talk about something that you are both interested in. If you're not sure whether she's interested in something, just ask her, it's the only way you're gonna know.

That's about all I can say, I've never had a girlfriend before, nor do I have any regular freinds at the moment, so I'm probably the worst person to advise on this.

The next step is to get her phone number.
You can write something like, "Why don't we chat properly like normal people. What is your number?"
Then you phone it and ask to meet her somewhere for a coffee or something.

Anyway, that's the theory.
Good luck.

edit: Do not talk about your work. Likely she will find it boring.
You can talk about your theory of the universe, but not until you have chatted about other things first.

WHOOOPPS....

I just wrote back to her, and told her that I work as a programmer working with MySQL databases and stuff like that for the intranet on a High School.

Then I told her that I never got any real education because I have problems with too many people around me, and told her that much of what I know about is something I have studied at home.

Then I told her that I like to watch a good movie and play some board games.

And lastly, I wrote:

"I may sound a litle "geeky", but I don't hope to scare you off".

And:

"You may think I am a bit of a wierdo, but I will tell you a bit more about that if you are nice and write back to me "

Perhaps you were a bit too honest but not terribly. At least with the ending you make sure she knows you are aware you were saying stuff that might scare someone off, and so she will appreciate your honesty and not think you are clueless.

Sometimes its good to prep someone, sometimes its better to wait until they get a chance to know you. It depends on whether you are worse on paper or in person. I mean, sometimes someone can sound like they have everything perfectly on paper and be extremely annoying, and others can sound poor on paper but have a great personality in person.

So glad you didn't go doing that. That's common relationship suicide. Not relationship mistake, relationship SUICIDE

I've had that done to me. My boy went off on a rant about the batteries in RC aircraft for HALF AN HOUR (note I have absolutely no interest in them whatsoever). I almost fell asleep! He couldn't tell that I was bored to the point I was gonna scream, and couldn't tell that my constant changing the subject was 'please please please stop torturing me...'

You want to get closer to a girl? Here's the secret. Grab your pen and paper boys, this is note-worthy. Let her talk about her! It works! Seriously, let her talk. Don't interrupt her with self-interjections (taking note of what she said, then immediately relate it to yourself). Just let her blather. You want to banter yourself? Prime example as above, that is. Well trust me, she does too Girls especially love to talk so yeah, let her get off on that. She'll think you're a gift from heaven for it And she'll probably be more receptive to you telling her all about yourself and your interests if you let her do the same

Great advice Shale.It was very helpful to me when someone told me to ask questions because people like to talk about themselves(I do )As far as the phone goes...I think this can be killer.I hate talking on the phone until I really am comfortable with someone and dont panic at moments of silence.I think having a note pad is also good idea.It is easy when talking with someone for me to get lost in my tangents...they will say A(which is of interest to me)and my mind will wonder that topic and I stop listening!Thats why I stay away from phones unless I am in a listening(non preoccupied mind....very rare,I'am always obsessing over something).

If she mentions an interest in something you find vaguely interesting...ask specific questions and then go do some research on it(then dont lecture her on how wrong she is)but can eventually lead to a shared interest or activity.I had boyfriend get me hooked on finding "agates"...I was always interested in rock hunting,so it wasnt a real stretch for me to do some research and then spend hours rock hounding with him...it's great bonding.

Good luck.Side note...dont say "weird"...has some scary implications to some paranoid women...ie...serial killers,schizophrinics,guys who liked to wear diapers and be spanked.....are "weird"....I think the term Nerd/socially shy/fashion challenged, have less negative connotations and is more accurate of As.

Give us hug.

No, seriously, this lady here speaketh sense. That's what you have to do with women. If I'm fairly happy and content, I have no problem. I usually project a fairly happy exterior. If I find a woman I want to talk to, I just slowly try to get to know her. Engage her in conversation, allow her to talk about herself. Then slowly but surely I creep in. Nothing rushed, and you don't need to come across all perverse and needy to do it. Just allow things to run their natural course. I've been rejected once but to be honest I didn't really want to go out with her anyway but she seemed to like me. Even if you don't get laid, it's good fun. With the ladies you either a) have no chance with or b) don't want to have as a girlfriend, try to be jolly and have a bit of banter with them. Just see how it goes and don't rush things. A nice lady will come and share your joys eventually - just do it in the right way.

Ow! You don't want to hug me? Fair enough. I love you too.

Ah heck, you can have a hug *snuggles*

Hurr.

Yeah, it's an interesting little irony there. Guys want to get closer to girls...it's so simple to woo us in theory, but in practise it's hard. I notice a lot of guys here wanting to know how to learn more about a girl, so he can relate...well, just ask her

I think what makes it hard is the different ways in which the genders prefer to rant. Girls...we go off on tangents talking about mindless things normally, or things that interest us. We give our life story. Guys...I notice always like to talk about something that relates to themselves; something they own, something they can do. Guys that like me tend to show me all their cool stuff, whether I wanna see or not. So the crossover point there is the interests...potentially

Easiest way to win a girl's heart is let her talk. You'll know if she's the right one if you can go ZOMG ME TOOOO! about one of her interests or more. (Perhaps you both are a fan of the same TV series, or both love exploring the roads out of town, driving endlessly...perhaps you both want to be web designers :3)

Easiest way to shoot yourself in the foot whilst trying to win her heart: frequently interject with points about yourself. This is stealing the conversation from her. You have handed her a trinket to play with...you can't keep snagging it back every time you find something interesting about it. Let her play with it until she's satisfied, then kindly take it back when it's your turn - she may even pass it back to you instead! Eventually, you will both be able to tinker for a little bit, then pass it back willingly. It might end up being a game of catch! Basically - it's safer to let her banter at first, and if you have something to say, talk about HER. Not YOU. (This is at first mind you, it doesn't continue like this for very long in a potential or budding relationship)

Eg:
Me: "I'm so in love with the boxer engine, I love the sound...I can't wait to get the uneven-length headers onto the exhaust so I can hear that rumble in my own car!"
Boyfriend: "Yeah I know, eh...mine does that now because I have an RPS muffler on there...sounds fantastic. It makes it faster too, I managed to knock half a second off my quarter-mile with it set up the way it is."

And from then on, the conversation is no longer mine He'd snatched it from me and made it his. Guys, doing this is a little bit of a turn-off...it makes you seem self-obsessed when you turn the conversation into yours while she's trying to talk. Avoid it until she's being a conversation-hog and you seriously think it's your turn already! (Because everyone deserves to be able to talk themselves silly, it's only fair)

A better way to do the example:
Me: "I'm so in love with the boxer engine, I love the sound...I can't wait to get the uneven-length headers onto the exhaust so I can hear that rumble in my own car!"
Boyfriend: "Yeah, I spotted a set of headers around that'd suit your car. Better than the Borla ones I reckon. You like it without that nasal tone in the exaust don't you? Would definitely improve the image of that car of yours with the right sound...reckon those ones would do the trick."

He still gets to talk about something that relates to him, but he shares the trinket (trinket's still in her hands but he's pointing something on it out without taking it out of her hands).

Will it get boring after a while? Of course. You've got some girl bubbling overtime about what she likes...it's bound to bore you stupid after a while. The plus side? She now thinks you're the nicest guy she's ever met You're fascinating to her now...she wants to hear aaaaaall about you Once she starts asking questions about you, either she's being nice (not a bad thing) or she's genuinely fascinated

Can I stop nodding now? My head hurts.

Hahaha you'd be like one of those little bobble-head puppy toys they have in taxis along with a kazillion other random things on the dash...

wow.

this was gotten to before me.

Shocking.

oh well.

But mate.

I must warn you.

Be careful.

NEWS NEWS NEWS

Weee, she wrote back to me. She wrote:

So.... what do I write back to her?

You should ask her questions about herself. This is what I do when I'm at a loss over what to say... people generally like talking about themselves, so give her the opportunity.

However, don't ask questions that are too probing, or you could come across as pedatory.

Ask her:

What sorts of things do you like to do? What are your favorite things in life? Do you have pets? If so, tell me about them. If no, why not?

Favorite books might also be worth discussing.

You could even ask her what her other online dating experiences have been like... that might warm her up a bit and get her to open up.

Try to keep everything light and in good humor. Nothing heavy, creepy, or depressing.

Oh, and make sure you address her by her name when you write to her... I have noticed that aspie guys rarely use the person's name at the beginning of correspondence. I almost always use the person's name at the beginning of writing something ("hi ___,")... if I am forcing myself, it's just habit by this point.