Confusion galore...

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Geee, sometimes I wish I had girlfriends to talk to about the whole love/attraction-thing... All my freinds are male, and I just don't feel comfortable talking to them about that stuff with them.
Can I pretend you guys are my girlfriends and maybe get a little feedback or advice or... I dunno.. A sympathetic ear?

So about nine years afo I broke up with my fiancee because I had fallen in love with another man (for the record, I never cheated). Well, this man and I never got together, we were friends and that was fine. Now, things have changed. Everytime we meet, he will touch my lips with his fingers and hold me and rub his lips against my neck and kiss my forehead. And he sends me all kinds of texts, some are a bit naughty, some are more tender. I am fairly certain that means he is interested. Right?

Now, here is the first complication. He's married. I know, I know, I have no business to mess that up. And I don't intend to. But I have loved this man for ten years. I have waited for him for ten years.

Second complication. Another person is propositioning me, a person I like. I'm not attracted to him, but he's a really nice guy and I'm sort of thinking maybe I should just go for him, so I will stop thinking of guy number one.

I am so confused and annoyed with myself. Why can't I love the person I can have?

You can't have the married man, and you already have an idea that he cheats. He would do it to you as well.

The second guy is someone you would settle for. You won't be happy being with him in the long run.

Clearly you're intriguing enough on your lonesome to attract someone who won't conflict with your (quite rational) sensibilities. Do make an effort to learn better who guy #2 actually is, but try to do so in a way that tells him he has something to prove. If he fails at that, look elsewhere. I might be biased by my long-divorced parents, but the only relationships that really work aren't necessarily 100% equitable, and they don't appear that way. All that really matters is good intentions, which I don't implicitly sense from either of these dudes.

The thing is, I am not looking for a 'happily ever after' or relationship, I am looking for a happy now. I am quite well aware that he is a potential cheater (depending on your definition), and I no illusions of him a) leaving his wife for me, or b) staying faithful to me even if he did.

Guy number two isn't looking for a relationship either, but he is attracted to me, and wants to get physical, no strings attached.

I know guy #2 quite well, we have known each other for years, longer than I have known guy #1.

I realize I wasn't very clear in the first post. I am not looking for a relationship in the sense of forever, I just want an emotional connection with the messy bist that includes romantic love and sex.

I guess I want someone to say that I should let guy#1 take his time and go with him, even though I don't want to be that person.

I mean, the casual sex thing that I might get going with guy #2 just seems so... Been there, done that, reluctant to go there again.

Someone please just hit me over the head until my wits come back to me.

bonk!

Thanks, but it didn't help yet.

I don't think that anyone will say that, because honestly you shouldn't. Imagine how you would feel if you were on the receiving end of that little love triangle.

To be completely honest neither sound like an option worth chasing, but you know that already.

If all you want is sex and a physical connection (and he wants it to) might as well give guy #2 a shot. Just make sure you establish boundries and open communication beforehand and end it before it gets too messy.

The situation with guy #1 already sounds kinda messy. I doubt getting with guy #2 will assuage your feelings for him if that's what you're looking for. At best you'd have a temporary distraction.

I know, I'm being bratty and stupid. It's just so ridiculous, ya know?

I was in love with guy #1 when he was still married to his first wife. Then I missed the 'window of opportunity' before he married his second wife (I am still confused about the details, but between the divorce and the birth of his first kid with wife number two, about a year passed... ), because I chose to try and make things work with my then fiancee. And now, years and years later... You would think that I'd get over him already, right? It's not like I want to spend my life waiting and pining for another 10+ years.

And you guys are right, I am not really interested in guy #2. It's just a convenient distraction.

OK, here ya go: The married guy is using you and is being miserable to his wife. Ten bucks says he's kind of unpleasant at home and gives her to understand that she's not really it for him, even though they're married. Also, he's too scared actually to do anything, and if he did have an affair with you, he'd treat you like dirt and then run back to the wife, or make you both miserable while he vacillated. You wouldn't want to be married to this person.

If #1 has waited to get married before he started propositioning himself to you he probably has quite a low opinion of you, sorry to say that.
Nobody can hide their feelings for someone else for 10 years and he choose to act on the fact that you liked him now, which implies that he thinks that this affair is all you "deserve"


If you arent that into #2 and you have been friends for a long period maybe you should just tell him that you dont really feel the same way as him before ruining a friendship of over 10 years.


You will meet someone you are attracted to eventually and #2 shouldnt be an option because backup plans rarely work