Telling the difference between dating and socialising

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A single man invites a single woman to “meet up socially”. The word “date” is never used. The meeting takes place in a cafe or a pub for a couple of hours after work and they just talk. Would most people consider this a date or not?

I'm trying to work out what her perception of the situation is. To give context, I'd only spoken with her twice when I asked about meeting up, also, the original means of seeing her has ended so any contact will only occur through these meet ups.

Second question, how to move from meeting up socially onto the next phase (I've had three such meet ups so far). Do I officially invite her out on a date or have we already got past that?

I don't know, I've never been on a date and I can't figure out relationships either.

depends on the person.some people count anything they do with the opposite gender as a date.

I can't really tell you either. I've never been in such a relationship.

The difference between socializing and dating is that socializing is dealing with another person or people, while dating is always romantic. It is also the case that dating starts out as socializing, but then morphs into something more, and usually quickly. Just as an employer knows within a few seconds of meeting someone whether that person has a serious shot at the job, a woman usually knows within a few seconds whether she's interested in you.

In the absence of good flirting skills, when you have this girl's undivided, positive--as in pleasant--attention, compliment her on her hair and gently twirl it a bit, or act like you are picking something out of it for her--on her forehead or just above her ears, though don't do it for long. If things go well while you are socializing, at the end of the evening I can also highly recommend kissing her hand, and saying something nice to her that can be interpreted as romantic, but not too forward. I've never dated a woman who didn't just love having her hand kissed or her hair tussled just a bit. The best thing about both is that neither could reasonably be seen as too "cheeky" or "forward", but are definitely romantic. But every woman is different.....

Depends on whether or not the girl is an Aspie, I guess. The above suggestion sounds horrible to me (as a female Aspergian) and I would back out of the situation as politely as possible. If she is an Aspie, I suggest just asking. It sounds like you went on a date, to me, and some might agree with me. But there's no real way to know, as far as I can tell. If she's NT... I'm not sure. They like everything to be subtle and confusing... We need to get some female NT experts in here.

I think "awkward" is the right word here.

I can't speak to aspie women as I've never met another aspie--at least nobody who would admit to it. Having said this, I must admit to being a bit puzzled. If an aspie woman would get upset about having her hand kissed or her hair tussled a bit, not knowing anything else about the situation, I figure she would go into meltdown over the physical consummation of that relationship.

But, again, ever woman is different. I would also advise not trying any of this if you aren't being very warmly received by her.

Well, personally I'm not prone to melt down, but, naturally, if someone screws with my equilibrium, I am not happy (as it is for anyone else, I'm sure). A lot of us are extremely sensitive, which includes our heads or our hair. I could never wear hats or anything. But, I guess the main reason that would bother me is because one of my past special interests was hair, and if anyone touched mine, I would instantly drop into a foul mood, and ask them as politely as possible not to do that again. I can't speak for NTs, or even other Aspies, that's just my personal experience. Obviously, you couldn't magically know something like that just by looking at the person, though. I suppose that the best advice I can give, which is possibly useless as well, is that every woman is different. I agree with Thelibrarian: you have to gauge every situation carefully.

On a personal note, a guy did kiss my hand once, and it was extremely creepy and disconcerting. It could have just been the way he did it, though... Proceed with caution.

*sigh* I sincerely wish that people could just be honest, and ask "is this okay?" or "what would you like me to do?" without being sarcastic. We need more Aspies in the world...

I'm with PennySings on this one. I would not like my hair to be touched like that unless we were already passed the point of consummation (which, by the way, I am generally able to make it through without having a meltdown.) Kissing her hand is closer to the mark. The best initial contact I've made is putting my hands within touching distance of the other's (across a table.) And then just see if your hands are drawn together. Gentle rubbing of fingers and knuckles works well.

I'd be very suprised if this regularly gets a good reception and I imagine could easily upset someone who is still uncertain. However, this woman I'm interested in is autistic so my approach will definitely be a clear and unambiguous approach of simply asking.

However, taking things forward is a potential future step. I'm still trying to work out her perceptions, specifically, did she at least wonder when meeting up if it was an informal semi-date, i.e. an attempt by someone who is attracted to her to get to know her better. I'm also wondering what her overprotective mother thinks when her daughter meets up with a largely unknown man after work.

You can't know that yet; she may not even know yet.

Have you met her mother? That could be a way to takes things forward too.

Has she tried to initiate "footsie" under the table? or touched your hands or shoulders or brushes you when she walks past? by footsie i mean does she lightly touch your feet with hers ever when your sitting at a table? any of these contact things usually means a girl wants you to be physically interactive with her in my experience. I've talked with girls before who i thought i was just socializing with and i had no idea that they were getting romantic ideas about me, then came the old foot touch thing and a comment like "what do you want to do?". Im terrible at reading the more subtle cues that im supposed to be picking up (whatever they are), like when a friend asks how did it go with so and so you were talking to? they were totally into you. and then im like what? really? how can you tell? i had no idea? such a horrible feeling to realize something was obvious to everyone else in the room but not to you. anyway, the "accidental" foot touch or hand touch are like the only cues i can recognize. I second the opinion that "why cant people just ask if something's ok?" what happened to our society that we have to be so ridiculously indirect and cryptic? Like a bunch of cavemen who never developed language trying to communicate, sorry, i must have lost the caveman bodylanguage program somewhere along the way, would you like to snuggle now?

No that's not a date in my opinion. It's just a meet up, an attempt to get to know each other better to see if you click.

I suppose that some romantic aspect has to be there for it to be a date.
If both sides are into each other, it would upgrade to a date automatically perhaps?

I guess this is what I mean. When a single woman is invited out by a single man is she usually aware that he may be interested. She wants to see if we click because she has not at that stage not completely ruled out taking things beyond friendship; consequently, if she is enthusiastic about further meet ups it suggests there has been a level of connection and she still not ruled out taking things forward.

I guess that's what I'm trying to work out, if she did decided she has no romantic interest, would she keep meeting up? There has been a lot of discussion of being 'friend-zoned' on these boards of late. I could easily see this woman being a life long best friend and I don't want to risk throwing away that potential friendship unless there is at least a reasonable chance of her saying yes to a relationship. It's just so difficult to tell what she thinks these meet ups are about.

A single man invites a single woman to “meet up socially” = date.

Don't fool yourselves.

As for romantic ambiance such as Romantic dinner is something that happens between two people who are already in relationship.

First dates are rarely romantic.