How To Talk To Girls If You're Shy.

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Has there ever been a girl you've really been interested in but you were too shy to talk to her? Sure you have, that's why you clicked on this thread. First you must understand that shyness is completely normal but as a guy, you're going to eventually learn how to break out of your shell and talk to girls.

This is just a guess but you see a pretty girl and you feel like you are going to fail because you are inferior. Maybe you feel like you're ugly, too short, too fat, sh***y social skills, weird voice etc... So as a result, you become intimidated and you don't talk to her because you feel like you will just get rejected anyways. You believe you're going to fail therefore you fail. Or maybe you feel like you will automatically get rejected when you approach and talk to a pretty girl. Maybe you were rejected quite a lot in the past and as a result, you closed yourself off. You need to get rid of this i'm inferior mindset. It will only prevent you from talking to girls you're interested in meeting romantically and non-romantically.

Are you shy around your guy friends or a woman much older? Probably not. In fact, you probably don't think about it a whole too much. You wan't to be this way when you're talking to girls your own age. You need to forget that they're a pretty girl and see them as just another person you would like to get to know better. Most girls do not bite and will not ignore you or reject you on the spot if you just try to be friendly and initiate conversation with them. Listen when you want to get to know someone better and maybe even establish friendship with them, you don't do that by never talking to them. Don't dream that your crush is someday going to walk up to you, go out of her way to be extra friendly to you, and shes the one that asks you out. That almost always never happens.

Finally, you have to learn to take the initiative and ask for a girls contact info. When you would like to get know a guy better to hang out with them, it's probably not that scary for you and you can do it without a problem. But for girls, asking for her number can be pretty scary. If you're talking to a girl and you two seem to be having a really good conversation and you feel like theres a good connection, then you have to ask for a girls number and ask to hangout sometime. If a girl is willing to date you or even be friends with you and you never initiate anything, she may assume you're uninterested or just get tired of you not doing anything and she moves on to another guy. Remember that attractive girls have a large selection of guys to choose from so if you're not taking the intiative, then will move on to another guy who will. If all you're looking for is friendship, remember that relationships cannot grow if you don't try to interact with them.


So if you know a girl from somewhere like school or work and would like to get to know her better, then I dare you to initiate a conversation and ask her questions about herself. And if you feel like you two connect, then ask for her number. Seriously though, you can read all of the online dating advice in the world but if you don't actually try to talk to girls and show some interest from the start, then you will probably be a single for a while until you actually grow a pair and start interact with as many women as you can. I don't care if you're 4 ft 11, 300 pounds, and bald. Just be as friendly to as many women as possible and learn to develop confidence with women.

The conundrum I keep asking myself is how not to come off as too aggressive when I try to engage with a woman. There have been times where I have tried to "take the initiative" but it always seemed to turn women away for the most part . I actually try to put my interest in the background and actually engage in meaningful conversations, which I now assume is what women really care about. However the conversation eventually turns around and they start complaining about the unwanted attention they get from other men. I feel as though I get c-o-c-k-blocked before I even trying to ask a girl out . There are times I want to ask someone out but they are at their work and I am hesitant to do so because I fear they are more defensive during work where I imagine they get more attention than ever, I don't go out very much and when I do, virtually no one wants to engage with me.

But when I do talk to them , just like every other person I encounter, they all want to talk about themselves and their problems, and there I sit like a psychiatrist who is only modestly interested but distracted - figuring out which chores I have to do tomorrow and so forth.

In fictional stories you sometimes see a "type" of guy whose shyness is depicted as attractive. In particular I am thinking about a dating sim that a friend gave me a while ago. Obviously, real relationships are more complicated than those in dating sims but given that these characters are marketed as being attractive I wonder if it would be helpful to consider examples from fiction of attractive shy men and what makes them attractive. Shyness can be seen as mysteriousness for example. Social awkwardness can be seen as sincerity (ever seen Densha Otoko?). While it might be necessary to overcome shyness enough to initiate an interaction (since most women probably won't be compatible it might take a while), I don't think you have to become a different person. Try to play to your strengths and have confidence that you are attractive.

Girls were the ones that were interested in me, but I simply froze up and didn't know what to do.
I was actually not interested back then, but it showed me I was simply physically incapable of interacting with females.
If I couldn't do it then, I certainly couldn't now, things are much more complex at this age and if you don't have anything to show for your life at this point you're kind of out of the game I feel.

Generally speaking, men and women exist in equal numbers. So it seems like there is reason to believe that there are women your age who don't have a lot of accomplishments or experiences either. For me it's always a lot easier to get to know someone through text rather than speech. It's also a lot easier to act brave. I know I would never have met my husband if I had had to approach him in person.

Numbers are close, but not equal. There's someone for most but not everyone.

Yes, polyamory could be a fix for unequal gender proportions.

At school, as this is in love and dating section, I suppose if I had fancied someone I might have felt something but it was too faint to call it love or mean anything, I think they might have passed on a message by writing, but never talked, never really got close to one another to be able to talk, then again I was shy, they were too probably, they knew nothing about me, other than possible connection to my sibling. But the time I saw them with another guy, I suppose that dashed my hopes of getting together, not that I had any good things to say about myself; it was a heart-dropping moment but it taught me a lesson about girls and I would say at that age around 14 years old would be too young to have relationships, and alas to this day I have not had a single relationship.

Part of the reason is I can't really read people, their emotions, gestures or ability to concentrate on one topic unless its something i'm interested in.

-slight off-topic- Though i'm not sure why i'm posting my concerns, I plan never to have a relationship, have kids, or get married even though my family says I must to ensure the continuity of the family tree, well I have several siblings so I hope at least one of them has those things.

Otherwise, if you ask how should I talk to girls if i'm shy, well I guess in my case I would just steer clear of them, as personally i'm not a people person and furthermore boys/men are harder to get along with imo.

Haha yup if Leonardo Decaprio has like 100 wives. And all the alpha males had at least 5 wives and all of the geeks like me would be left with 0.

You could pretend women are actual human beings, with feelings, and speak to them as such versus objects to acquire through trickery.