AS Fiance denies cheating, after already admitting it? help.

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I'm having a really hard time making anything out of this and I'm hoping that some other females with Aspergers can help me out on this one.

So have been together now for 7 months or so, and I'm still unsure what to make of some of her behaviors towards me. A few weeks ago she told me about how shes never been this close to anyone else in any other relationship before (16 ex boyfriends, she has) and then preceded to tell me that the only reason she even 'dated' any of these men was for a place to live, drugs. food ect.. but I'm different.

She cheated on me at least twice. I think more than that, however. She has a lot of ex-boyfriends that live upstate and shes just upped and left me to go 'visit' for weeks at a time while I'm left here wondering if shes getting dicked down by these guys or not. The other two times were obvious.. I was told by 6 people who saw her cheating on me in the woods about her actions and the other time by the dude who did it himself. She'd never directly said she cheated on me before, but prior to her last visit upstate (about 1-2 months ago) she would acknowledge that she did cheat on me. I remember on the 4th of July she was talking about how sick it made her for her mom to have cheated on her dad, and after seeing the look on my face made a relation to the fact that it was wrong for her mom and for her to ever do something like that (i don't remember the exact words, but it was clear she was saying what we both knew in a round about way.) There were several other coincidences such as this, and I thought it was behind us. Last night however, I brought it up somehow accidentally and she is back to denying that it ever happened (which is what she did initially before i broke through and got her to open up). She will get really mad at me for not believing her when she says she didn't do it.. I feel as if its right back in my face all over again.. I had closure, but now its all shattered as she won't just admit she cheated.. can anyone shed some light on this? Is it possible that she actually blocked it out of her thoughts.. or does it sound like some sort of ulterior motive? i just can't see whats to gain by denying what was already confirmed as truth.. and furthermore why would she continue to get mad at me when I'm clearly distressed myself unless she really didn't do it?

I hate to sound insensitive, but your best course of action is to tell her not to ever contact you again and seal it off immediately. I don't think there's any more to say about this.

Anyone who cheats should be dumped. You will be better off without her. What you could do is make a hilarious video about it and put it on Youtube.

Can you be a little more specific? I'm looking for advice as to why she would do this as opposed to a blanket warning. Don't just say I should end it without giving me a little bit of follow up..

I'm not even bothering to analyze her actions in detail because she doesn't care very much about you, and she is a mess. For you to continue another day with her would be utterly ridiculous. I hope you're asking questions already knowing that and this is just out of curiosity.

After thinking for a moment about it, I'm stuck on "she doesn't care very much about you, and she is a mess".

Who cares WHY she is doing it? The fact is she is doing it and it seems to be hurting you. Why would you be with someone who is hurting you, whatever the reason?

Aspergers is no excuse to hurt another human being. Relationships are about compromise and if you can't compromise, you have no right being in a relationship.

i dont want to loose her.. we've both been through a lot together and i know she can be so much more real. if no one can help me to understand why shes doing it then dont even bother posting..

What not to understand? That desperation of yours is likely why she's cheating so flagrantly - she knows that she doesn't have to respect you at all because she knows that you don't want to lose her. She gets to have as much fun as she wants because she knows that you will marry her, support her, and claim her babies as your own, no matter whose they really are.

Lose her, before it's too late. You deserve better.

I told you more or less why she's doing it. It's because she doesn't care about you. Some things are pretty simple.

How would you not lose her? You don't even have her.

Think about it, she has been having sex with other men. She got naked with them, and was feeling a lot of pleasure because of them. The point I am getting at is she clearly doesn't love you. Leave her and you will be better off for it.

I agree with pretty much everyone that has posted so far. When your significant other cheats on you the repercussions can be huge. What if she gives you an STD or gets pregnant?

Do you really want to wonder what she's doing whenever you're not around her? Do you want that fear creeping up on you in a year, two years, ten years??

AND if she hasn't come completely clean and really discussed the cause of the behavior, then it is very unlikely that the behavior will change.

Did you consent to an open relationship or imply an open relationship? Assuming you said no... she made plans to leave and cheat. It's not like she was drunk and opps, something happened that she regrets.

So... she's aspie? And you're NT. Ugh... well. Hmmm. It's likely she knows exactly what she did. To protect her lie from you and herself, she's essentially going:

Lalalalalalalala i can't hear you! Or myself. Lalalalala.

How can she lie like that, she has to, it's so obvious what's happened.

What's really concerning, is she may want you to hate her to bring balance to the aspie-force. So she might start using you, or already has, in order to bring the relationship to it's inevitable conclusion. The same result she has with all her relationships.

There's a difference between growing with your partner and one partner trying to do damage control on the other.

She has feelings enough that she knows what she did. She is logical enough to have sealed those feelings off.

It's done. You can't do this kind of repair work unless you're in a trusting relationship. And yes, she likely cheated on you again. That's why she's blocking it out. Nobody likes being proven a fool.

P.S. This doesn't have alot to do with aspies i don't think. There are SOME elements (like sex drive maybe, or being able to block empathy... and this is clearly on purpose).

To be fair, i wouldn't break up with her myself. But that's a story for a different day.

You can always cut in viciously (figurative) and see what you find. Not recommended.

Most of us won't be able to help you, because most of us aren't the type to just hurt people for the fun of it.

Seriously, the only way you're going to keep her is if you chain her to your bed. It sucks breaking up, I've done it before, but for your own good you have to move on. You HAVE to think of yourself first, otherwise you can help no one.

thanks for all the feedback. depressing, yet helpful in terms of comprehending why she acts as she does. whats the best thing i can do in this type of a situation? (aside from breaking it off)

What else would you do?

I have no idea.. guess im just reaching.