Feeling very sad today

Post Reply New Topic

I just feel like I will never have a desire-worthy boyfriend. I'm really bummed about this. I've been told that guys like self-confidence. I've been wondering if there is something wrong with me and that's why no guy seems to ask for my number. I've had boyfriends, but everyone seems to have more exes than me.

I'm physically healthy. I'm attractive. I have a wide variety of hobbies and interest. My taste in music is a wide variety. I try my best to wear women's clothes instead of men's. I guess I'm not the total package.

If you're on this forum, it's likely that you're bad at nonverbal communication. Maybe you just need to do a better job of letting guys know you're interested - making eye contact, smiling, etc. Guys usually won't approach a girl if she's staring straight ahead with a serious/stern look on her face, for instance. If you put on a face that makes you look like you're a b**** or like you're bored with everyone, the other things won't matter because guys will assume you aren't interested.

Basically my point is that "I guess I'm not the total package" is the wrong conclusion to make based on the evidence. You say not many guys ask you out. The number of guys you attract is a function of attractiveness and nonverbal things - do you have a positive aura around you that makes people feel comfortable and want to talk to you, etc? In terms of getting asked out, being the "total package" is irrelevant.

I feel like guys make the same mistake, too. We tend to think, "if only I was a bit more attractive, a bit smarter, made a bit more money, had more interesting hobbies, THEN I'd get more girls for sure!" But this isn't the case at all. Look at how many idiots get lots of girls. It's not hard (if you're a NT, anyways). We just suck at the critically important social skills part of the equation that comes naturally to most people.

Well I would certainly hope so . You say you have had boyfriends in the past, so it stands to reason that you can find more in the future. When you were with them, did you feel that they were "desire-worthy"? And how do you define that phrase? Also keep in mind that with relationships, they often work best when we pair with people who are like ourselves. So try to find and meet people who are like you...who share your interests, views on the world, have similar body types, and similar intelligence levels. A good way to do that is to join interest groups or clubs in your area. Volunteering is really good too if you enjoy that sort of thing.

An aside: if no guys seem to ask for your number, ask for theirs. I'm sure that, if nothing else, they'll be flattered by your interest! Not to mention it will give you that many more opportunities.

I'm not like that. I make eye contact, smile and I even give firm handshakes. I have good social skills. I'm a very social person, but I know when to keep my mouth shut.

I wear makeup, I recently learned how to walk in heels again and I feel like I'm a total package, but guys just don't seem to agree. It's like something about me doesn't click with them.

Stargazer-What do you mean you certainly hope so?

Well being a guy, I know I certainly don't shop in the women's section or wear women's clothes lol. I would hope that you aren't going out of your way to cross-dress either!

You don't need more exes.

What do you mean by a "desire-worthy" boyfriend.

^ that + how many exes would be an acceptable number?

I think 777's a good, healthy number.

Zero - your post seems to go in different directions, all at the same time. What do you want - a 'desire-worthy boyfriend', more self-confidence, reassurance, or more exes? Or being a 'total package'? Sounds like your trying to shoot flies blindfolded with a sawn-off shotgun.

Perhaps some of your past boyfriends were not up to your standards (then why date the poor guys?) - fair enough, but they weren't worthy of desire? Bit harsh. Yes, I know it's generally easy for a woman to have a boyfriend, but harder for it to be quality. All the same - ouch.

Perhaps you should make the first move with the guys you think are up to your standards. If you are not the total package, even then, then I think the reason why could be inside yourself, and the way that you see yourself and others. Just suggesting, based on one small post.

This, and I think non-verbal 'output' and aura are part of attractiveness.

Also, where do you go to meet guys? Are you regularly in places where you meet men?
In my experience, looking good is not enough for 'quality' guys to approach you.
I have many good looking friends that rarely get approached.

There is such a thing as looking too good or too slu*ty to get approached by quality guys. I'm not saying that is the case with your friend or the OP but it's something to be mindful of. There is a big difference between looking cute & looking FINE; the latter has players flocking to them & the former is liked by nice-guys. I can really explain how to look cute instead of fine besides the obvious but maybe some women here can. I will say what some others have said about asking guys out. There's various Aspie related things that could cause guys to get the wrong vibe from you & it may not be possible for you to be aware of & correct them all. You could try getting to know some guys abit as friends(you could join a club or volunteer somewhere to meet em) & then tell them you like them; lots of guys here & various places online that aren't Aspie related complain about how they get friend-zoned by women but the amount of girls who complain about getting frenzied-zoned by guys is very few in comparison so maybe guys don't friend-zone women as much, a guy may like you after being friends & would be glad that you told him you liked him after awhile.