Aspergers or "he's just not that into me"?

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Basically, I'm wondering how to tell the difference between a guy who has a lot of Aspergers symptoms but is not officially diagnosed and someone who is trying to blow me off as they've lost interest? How do you know?

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. It started off great, he was very attentive, we spent a lot of time together, did a lot of stuff together, he would be keen for 'next time', he would suggest doing stuff, basically make a lot of effort and keep in contact regularly, lots of texting, etc.

About a month ago I started to notice he was making less and less effort. The texts are now almost non-existant unless I text first. Same with initiating arrangements to meet up, he just doesn't do it anymore. BUT, when I make the effort to arrange something he's always really keen. He just seems to have a problem with being the one to initiate or suggest things. With texting, I feel like he would go for days with no contact and I always seem to be the one to make the move to text first. When I do he usually replies pretty quickly and there seems to be no problem. Is it normal to start off a relationship enthusiastically then gradually become more distant? He's also quite awkward with physical contact, but again, if I initiate it he's fine.

I was talking to a friend about some other aspects of his personality, and it was her who immediately suggested he may have Aspergers. It was all about how he has very strong opinions about several subjects he believes very strongly in; when challenged or disagreed with he can be quite verbally aggressive and rude, to me, to his friends, even to people he doesn't know; he can seem completely indifferent to how his words or actions can be upsetting to other people; his lack of contact with me and other friends can come across as disrespectful and inconsiderate but he can't see that himself; he spends considerable lengths of time completely on his own; is definitely awkward in social situations; doesn't have many close friends; gets bored with things and people very easily; cannot really understand or respect that other people have different opinions; his house is a complete disorganised mess; doesn't take much care over his appearance.

After reading up about Aspergers I realised much of his behaviour really does fit in, but how can I tell for sure? Or is he just losing interest in ME? It's so hard not to take it personally but if I knew that this could be explaining his behaviour I would be more than supportive and understanding. I'm not clingy, or needy, in fact I need my own space and independence as much as he does so I feel I have a good understanding as I have a lot of those traits myself (need to be alone, dislike of social situations, etc). When I asked if he would prefer to be just friends he was keen to say 'no' he didn't want us to break up, but he did find it incredibly difficult to talk about it, going completely silent and staring at the floor.

What do you think? And what should I do? I'm really struggling to not take it personally. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

something subtle may have spooked him. to give you an example, with me it was when somebody mentioned that she had several suitors and that immediately made me feel intimidated, I couldn't possibly compete with those alpha males [compared to me] so I wilted.

Thanks, that's interesting I hadn't thought of that. So how can I tell if he likely has Aspergers or not, or whether it's a sign this relationship is breaking down? Someone said to me that if he had Aspergers it wouldn't have started off great and then started to die down as he wouldn't have 'cyclical' symptoms. His symptoms would be constant.

I can relate to this, when ever they try to play the jealousy trick on me I would bail.

He's just not that into you. People grow apart, and exercising confirmation bias to find something about him to blame when both of you are likely at fault is just plain wrong.

That 'someone' doesn't know much about AS. Actually, I don't like to armchair diagnose, but that sounds very much like an Aspergian behavior - much enthusiasm in the beginning, then becoming increasingly distant.

It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you anymore - if he's open to doing things together when you initiate them, then I'd assume as far as he's concerned everything is fine. But IF High Functioning Autism is what you're dealing with here, understand that because social interactions are difficult and awkward for us, they are also stressful and exhausting. We often feel somewhat ambivalent about them, in the sense that we may like you and enjoy your company, but somehow making the decision to "jump in" and initiate an interaction is easy to put off. Sometimes you don't realize how long you've been vacillating over picking up the phone until several weeks have passed and you've offended someone.

But this is critical if you are dealing with an Aspergian: We need our down time in between social events to decompress and come down from the stress of being "on." For every four hours we spend navigating the tricky waters of the Social Sea, we need eight hours (or more) of solitude, immersed in a personal interest or hobby without interruption. Otherwise, we become cranky and volatile. While we easily ruin relationships by not paying enough attention to our significant others, a SO can ruin it for us by demanding more time and attention than we can give, because they don't appreciate the fact that it WEARS US OUT. It's not you - it's our faulty sensory filter that makes things so intense we can only deal with them for limited amounts of time before we HAVE TO take a rest.

That post puts it so well.

It's so true. If I had realised that years ago and made allowances for it, my life would be much different, and I would have probably kept one or two relationships going.

^ Agree, apart from the fact that other people still won't give you space when you need it even when they profess to understand and accept you they will still miraculously expect you to turn it off for those times it's inconvenient to them. "I know you usually need your space, but this is really important to my family, can't you just stop being selfish for one weekend?"

etc..

That's why I'm pretty much alone these days!

^ yeah, me too.

I wonder if it even works with other Aspies, because..what do you do if both of you are having a meltdown at the same time!? *shudders at the thought*

Why can't women just say, "I like you?" Why don't they come forward? If you want him so bad why don't you tell him?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo4OnQpwjkc[/youtube]

Hate to tell you, but women hate rejection as well, you know.

"But that'll be forgotten 30 mins later when she's humping the next guy who hit on her at the bar after that you know?" /sarcasmreply

yah, we all sex crazed nympho machines

come over here so I can b***h slap yo stupid ass into some form of intelligence {super heavy sarcasm}

Well, that's what you women are. Headwreckers. Didn't you know? Everything that's gone wrong in my life, all your fault. Because you are a woman, so you naturally get the blame.

...and the next victim-excuse card in the "Game of Ridiculous Excuses" will be...

The Lizard Men made me do it!

Seriously, mankind, what's wrong with you.