Making time to meet each other and learn to know one another

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I have tried a few dating sites recently, and found a few profiles of women who really had a lot in common with me in terms of interests, what they want in life, ... I have so far met 4 or 5 of them the last 3 months.

1 thing seems to be a huge obstacle though: when asking when to see each other again, there is very little initiative, some saying "we'll see in some weeks" and such. I think this is problematic because how is love supposed to develop if you don't learn to know each other first? With a profile, some emails and 1 or 2 meetings, you don't really know each other well enough to know if romance is a realistic possibility. A flower can blossom into a beautiful thing, but only if you water it frequently enough.

I am careful to not come across as pushy, because I don't want to put anyone under any kind of pressure. But if a girl says she wants to meet again, but doesn't seem to make time available to for example meet once a week for a drink (or even better, reserves a weekly night to spend time together and doesn't mind an extra such as a city trip in the weekend). If you really want love, I believe you have to put some efford in it and at least for a short time make time available to see each other often enough. It will become clear soon enough if the interest is mutual (in which case the frequent meetings would never feel like an obligation but like a pleasure, and love is a possibility) or if the interest is not mutual (and then you stop seeing each other). But leaving gaps of several weeks or sometimes a month to see each other, will simply leave you clueless because you really don't know each other well enough to know whether love is a possibility or not.

The thing is: when I try to say that, I usually struggle with the right words because I'm wary of coming across pushy. They should know that it's enthousiasm to give things a try, not trying to put them under pressure. But being too careful with the choice of words, is usually leading to misunderstandings as you lose all spontanity.



Maybe it's just me but I do realise that the women with Aspergers I know are all much more dedicated ; if they like a man, they'll try to see him often, and spend time together whenever possible. That enthousiasm sometimes seems to lack a bit with NT women, which is a shame especially when you have the impression you could grow really close if you only had the chance to spend more time together.

One female aspie I know (she's just a friend, no partner) said "seems we usually want it more than NTs" ; I first found that thought a bit strange but the more I try to reach out to interesting women, the more I begin to understand her. It is very disencouraging when you feel you could be good together if only you had the opportunity to spend time together.

Does anyone else have a similar feeling that things may be slightly easier if both people have Aspergers?

I'd say don't waste time on people like that, they're not worth the effort - if they don't seem to be very much interested, they probably aren't either and are just trying to get out of it in a polite manner. Move on, and try finding someone else. Your eventually, sooner or later bound to meet someone being equally committed in getting to know and meet up with one another you are.

Best of luck

I hope so, but it seems sometimes that dedication and enthousiasm to meet each other often enough to see things grow, is a typical Aspie thing. Just like we are more passionate in most things we care about, I guess we are also more committed to the people we care about.

My last dates resulted in one girl who remained a regular friend, one girl who became a good friend (but she wasn't really a date since she was enjoying single life too much for that), one saying she wanted to meet again but never responded to any other message, and one girl who says she would like to be good friends but that she has very little time. I wish i could make her see that spending time together is needed to grow closer together, and that we both may be busy but have to make the choice to spend time together if we want to see if we can be a couple or good friends or not. I realise it can be tough to meet often, but most people have a relatively full agenda, still if you want love you have to make time to let it grow. I too have a full agenda most days, but I'd happily put another activity on hold in order to have a weekly meeting with the girl I'm seeing, because if you think something can grow then meeting her is more priority than the other stuff in the agenda.

Seems many people don't share this point of view though. I once liked a girl whom I emailed daily, she literally said she spent her evenings on emailing me but that she looked forward to receiving a new message everyday. Seems that was highly exceptional for an NT ; and had she not lived far away we'd have probably met multiple times too. For girls living within the hour or even 2 hours away from me, I'd gladly take the train once or twice a week in order to spend time with them and see if love is growing or not. I wish I'd meet a girl who is equally dedicated to giving feelings a chance to grow. No plant survives on watering it only once a month.