First date confusion

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Yesterday I had at the age of 36, what was really my first 'real' date. I've only ever had one proper relationship, which was purely online for over a year initially, then when we met in person it was immediately a relationship with no 'dating' period and quickly afterwards a marriage which lasted about 12 years and ended a bit over six months ago. The last six months have been very stressful and I've been suicidal at the lowest points.

So anyway out of loneliness I tried online dating and after a while got my first date. But I'm quite confused about my feelings after it. We spent about 4 hours together, had coffee, went for a walk, had lunch and then had another walk around the city she is from. I enjoyed her company, although I was very nervous. But I'm not sure I felt any 'spark' between us. Am I being unrealistic to expect anything so soon? With other women that I've felt attracted to, I've felt it straight away, although sadly it's usually not reciprocated. But with the date yesterday, I felt she was attractive, but I don't feel any longing to see her again.

Should I show more patience and give it time to develop, should I ask if she wants to go on another date, presuming of course she'd want to see me again of which I really don't know. Or is it that I'm not ready for another relationship yet? These are all the questions I'm asking myself but haven't figured out yet. Thanks for any advice from people who have been on more than one date .

if she comes up with excuses for the next date, then you know the feeling is mutual. otherwise try again and see. If you still don't feel anything then, be honest with them and let go.

In my experience, 99% of the time if I'm attracted - it's after only one or two meetings. You could give it just one more try.

Only once, which was actually recently, did I develop feelings for someone I'd known for a time. This was my friend who I'd known since I was 16 (10 years). I rarely feel that intense for anyone. For all those years I thought of him as just a friend. He happened to be wearing *really* nice clothes the last time I saw him, and he looked hawt, lol. But yeh...when that happened it was sudden, and I knew. It actually wasn't something that built up over time, as I'd heard others describe it when they'd known someone for a time.

As for dating, I've never found it any use. I always prefer to be friends first, because I'm less likely to mess up. That, and the whole process of dating is just so false from the start. Firstly, it's all about advertising yourself...like for a bloody job! And then you have the dreaded interview (the date). And all these stupid rules! Don't call until blah/whatever. And you attract weirdos.

It sounds to me she's just not for you. I'm pretty sure you would know.

I think you have a lot going on in your mind and it may be preventing you from moving forward. Just date ladies and try to build your confidence- feel better about you and your life. Don't try to rush into a relationship, but just take things slowly.

Well if you end up having a 2 in 2 success score, a 100% record at the age of 36, then you're a hell of a man.

Four hours is a long time for a first date, in my opinion. You've been to two or three locations on the date, so you'd really think you'd have a bit more attraction. But then again, you are understandably wary.

Sleep on it. What's your reaction when you wake up tomorrow, first thing? Yes, no or maybe?

you must show more patience and try going on a second date with her young padawan. (actually your older than me)

Thanks all, very useful advice.

Thanks Smudge. I think you're right, I might give it one more go just to be sure (if she agrees of course). I agree about it feeling so false, it felt just like a job interview. I've always struggled to make friends in general though so don't know how I'd go about making female friends. In my limited experience, the handful of females I've gotten to be close friends with, if I've ever tried to move it onto anything more, then they've backed away and didn't want more than friends.



Yeah I'm just nervous of doing something I might later regret regarding this initial date. I agree it'll be better to take things slowly, though I have a tendency to let my emotions override what is best.



Still unsure to be honest. Part of me is thinking I should ask if she wants to meet up again, just to see how she responds and then I won't have to make a decision, but I don't think that would be fair on her.

No problem. And we're always here to lend our support--heart break sucks.

Hi. I'm in a similar situation right now so I'm curious what you've end up doing. Did you ever contact her again?

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