How to get an AS ex to speak to you?

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Hello. c: About three months ago me and my AS boyfriend ended our two year long relationship due to distance as well as other problems in our relationship. We both agreed that we'd someday like to get back together, however after about a month he began drifting away from me. Not messaging me for days, ignoring me, etc. Often times I would offer him something, like some of my art or a sexual favor, and he'd reply, but once that was over, I would not hear from him again. I became very clingy and afraid to lose him, and I worry that may have pushed him further. I'd pour out my feelings to him, and he wouldn't reply or just say "I don't know what to say." A few weeks ago, he messaged me first for the first time in ages because for some reason he had assumed I had gotten a new boyfriend and was done with him. I explained that I wasn't, I was just taking some time for myself to try to heal, and he said he was happy for me. I assumed that would be the last we would talk for awhile, but since then he had messaged me first almost every day, being very kind to me again like we were once again in a relationship. However, for the past two weeks he has once again been slipping away and ignoring me quite often. I've tried everything to get him to speak to me. Today is his birthday and I wished him a happy birthday along with a nice message and he has not replied.

Am I just paranoid? I'm sorry, I don't know very much about how Aspies are in these kinds of situations. Should I just give him space for now? If not, how should I approach him to try to speak to him? I have no idea what he could be thinking or feeling so I am very unsure.

It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants from what you have been describing of him. There might be confusion after the breakup on your part as well. There are a lot of Aspies out there that aren't capable of dealing with confusing behaviour. Don't offer him sexual favours would be the first thing I would recommend for you. I mean, you have broken up, the sex probably confused him.

Alright, thank you. Is it best if for now I stopped speaking to him to allow him to sort out his thoughts and decide what he wants, or if I continued trying to check up on him from time to time?

I would say its ok to check up on him provided you establish some clear boundaries. If he can't accept the boundaries, then let him approach you after.

I'm in a similar situation but where I'm the AS boyfriend. The only insight I could offer is that I get confused by inconsistent behavior (sex while technically broken-up) and become avoidant when I'm confused and don't know how I'm supposed interact. It is easiest when things are stated outright and rules are defined--ex. friends with benefits and must use protection with others and tell each other about other interactions or whatever type of arrangement you're wanting.
This is only a blind guess into your situation because I can only base my thought on my current experience of just being confused and wishing for a rulebook.

So let me get this straight.
He ignores you.
You offer him stuff you've made or sexual favours.
Once he's finished using you, he goes back to ignoring you.

And you want anything to do with him because....?

Aside from what AK Born says... sex after a breakup can confuse anyone, and any guy or girl. Bottom line is.. Simply outline what you both want from the other and go from there.

So he comes out when he thinks you have found someone else? Jealousy and insecurity? Where is he finding this out?

this stuff happens regardless of any diagnostic label. It's part of the process of moving on and trying to figure out if you want to go back or not. This happens to a lot of young people who end up in relationships while trying to become more emotionally mature.

I'm sorry if I sound like I am jumping to conclusions. But what age ranged do the two of you fall under?

I think you've missed my point.

I'll recopy the points about his behaviour:

He ignores you.
Once he's finished using you, he goes back to ignoring you.


Now again, why would you want to waste your time with someone who behaves like that?