distorted perceptions of others

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For starters, I've been drinking, so if I'm incoherent, slap me with a wet trout.

I find that many times a person I'm interested in will seem absolutely amazing, and then do something to make me entirely question that. I'm not talking minor, I'm talking one second thinking they're "God's gift to the world" (ok, maybe that's a little bit of a stretch, I don't exactly believe in a deity to begin with) and the next, I'm just kind of stunned, not sure what to think. I don't know, I say "the people I'm interested in," but an NT would probably call me at least a little obsessed. Still, has anyone else had this happen?

Hell, maybe all I'm looking for is an "I've done that" right now. It happened to me just recently (yesterday) and it has left me a bit shaken up. I don't know if I have an accurate view of anyone, or if I just have these idealized views of them that are just waiting to be shattered by a thoughtless act.

All my life. As soon as a relationship gets past the introductory phase where both parties are polite and careful, I learn something about the other person that makes me totally write them off (psychologists call this "condemnation").

I've always wondered if this is because I'm too picky, or desperately needy, or afraid of emotional attachments, or "none of the above", or "all of the above".

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"Autism is a label which describes outer behaviours, not inner realities."

-- Donna Williams, "Autism and Sensing: The Unlost Instinct"

hmmm, I've found it difficult my entire life to maintain close friendships for extended periods. The introductory phase can be great but it soon wears thin.

shadexiii, perhaps you expect perfection in an unperfect world. I become immensely attracted to girls every now and then too. In the past, I was like you in that I would soon discover something about them that made them seem less perfect / less attractive. However, if you remove the expectancy of perfection, then I think that things will improve for you.

Take care,
Kevin.

yeah i think i like ppl too much too fast. too hard (and not as enjoyable) not too... usually winds up hurting more later though

I thought I'd found Mr Perfect not so long ago but it was all over for me when i found out he liked Barry Manilow

I whole heartedly agree. After the introductions, its all down hill. Usually I'll find out something small and trivial about the other person. Whether that be they listen to rap, smoke, have odd looking hands, a mole on their neck, or that they live in a strange smelling apartment. It doesn't take much for me to dismiss the other person.

Wow...and to think all this time I thought I was just shallow. I guess this seems to be a "normal" thing for Aspies, eh? Or atleast from the ones who posted...Interesting. I feel slightly relieved, lol.

I'm a bit more sober now (just hung over) so I'm better able to explain what I meant. I didn't mean something minor, like taste in music, minor physical "flaw," I meant personality flaw.

Believe me, if I expected perfection, I'd have given up on relationships long ago. I'm far from perfect.

So far when it has happened, it has been some event, something that happened that showed part of their personality I had either tried to ignore, or had completely missed because I was too interested too fast. Not sure which.

I actually know precisely what you are talking about.

I am the same way.

I have high standards of conduct for myself and the people that I surround myself with...When they fail (and usually spectacularly), I end up seeing all of their personality flaws---things that I had never noticed before.

So am I right in saying that it 'Looks like [ye never] made it'? You and he will not be sunbathing on the 'Copacobana' together, no? If you're name was Mandy I'd be saying 'Oh Mandy', you'll find a great partner eventually... ...one free from the corruption of Manilow's music!