Has anyone on here had good luck with online dating?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi! I know it's been a while since I posted, but would you feel comfortable chatting with me for my article that I'm writing, about people on the spectrum and their experiences with online dating? I've talked to so many people who have tried it and been unsuccessful, and I think the story would really benefit from hearing from someone with success. Let me know if you're interested, if not I totally understand!

I've been on OKC for about three months. So far I've managed to find one date that turned into an okay platonic friendship. I really want something more at some point but I'm 90% asexual so it doesn't really bother me if romantic things don't always happen.

My main complaint is I seem to get matched up with too many extraverts who seem to want to be conversationally entertained. That's just not my cup of tea. I'd much rather just do something fun and outdoorsy or go some place to chill out and enjoy the scenery.

Best successes were through facebook. Turned into LTR.

Online dating sites? Meh. I stayed in contact with a few, then something happened in my life were I stopped getting on the site and they stopped talking to me because I disappeared.


I think online dating is much more successful if you're female.

Rula, you're Arab, aren't you?

I got a relationship through OKCupid and made a well recieved advice thread out of the experience:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt242793.html

You should check it out.

Not much luck. I just got out of a relationship with a person I met online and I am at the point where I am done with online because I would rather meet somebody in person. Too much deceit online. I just cannot trust someone whom I have never met in person.
The fact is the last person i was with appeared to be a pathological liar. She had too many interesting stories for them to be anything but made up.

My advice you should be doing background checks on people you meet. There are a lot of liars and manipulators. You never know what you will find through a check but it might save you the trouble if you find out something bad. This is actual real advice from experts at least I have seen quite a few help guides for online dating mention this. Obviously you do not want the person to find out about it but it is a very cautious and smart thing to do.

One person I tried to date I later found out they were married. I found this through a background check. I rest my case.

There are other factors to consider: I would recommend going for pay premium sites like E-harmony. Okcupid is okay but I find that free sites have lots of "fake" profiles. Obviously I would not bother with profiles without a picture those are almost definitely fake. I seemed to see a lot of women who said they worked in special needs. This seemed sketchy to me I mean to that many women really do that. Another thing to try is the google trick with the photographs to see if they can be found online. This will weed out fake profiles too.

It is really sad that online dating has become an invariably "minefield". I have heard that it used to be easier now I find it almost impossible to meet a quality person online.

I mean I am very descriptive and apparently writing descriptive profiles is seen as creepy. I just don't get it. I cannot understand why this is creepy. I am a very open person and it seems I have to try to be something I am not in order to find a date. I would rather find someone who wants because they like me and not judge me.

heres what you gotta do.

find a girl you like, then message her saying hi and if she says hi back then tell her shes the most beautiful girl in the world. if she doesn't respond back then it won't work out

I hope you are joking. I mean do you know how many messages a woman gets a day with just hi. Does not work. They usually just delete those. Based on things I have read about messaging women on dating sites.

The best advice for sending messages is to show that you actually read their profile. You should be making some indication that you read their profile otherwise they will outright delete the message. I mean not always true but I would say the majority they would delete.

More advice would be try not to just ask questions only as this comes across odd like you are doing an interview. Bad idea. Find some way to reference something they said in their profile but do it in a way that is more like a conversation. It is even better if you like the same thing because then they will be intrigued if you mention that in your message.

The best advice is to be yourself. Do not try to make your message all funny if you are not good at being funny. It will come across forced, odd, not genuine. If you are dry just be dry. It is better to be genuine than fake. I know this will make the responses less. I mean if you are awkward say you are. If you are geeky make sure they know this. Yeah many people may reject you but without being deceitful and phony you will get more genuine people. Be phony and I would assume you get phony people. There is a lot of that online so on top of everything be careful and cautious. There are definitely some people looking to con others on there and sometimes it is very difficult to spot. I mean just as much for NTs as Aspies. Especially if you get somoene who is a pro at deceit.

Me too!

(And everything punkguy378 said after that is very good advice, IMO.)

I've been on OKC for 2 months and have gotten a little over 100 messages, of which I replied to two.
95% of them were those "Hi" or "How are you?" I never reply to them.

I've met a few (maybe 5) guys through OKCupid over the years, but there was mutual lack of interest each time, so there were no second "dates".
So many male profiles tout how "outdoorsy and active" they are-which totally turns me off, because I'm an introverted agoraphobic homebody type.

My advice you should be doing background checks on people you meet. There are a lot of liars and manipulators. You never know what you will find through a check but it might save you the trouble if you find out something bad. This is actual real advice from experts at least I have seen quite a few help guides for online dating mention this. Obviously you do not want the person to find out about it but it is a very cautious and smart thing to do. [quote]
This. punkguy378 is right. To answer the question, to the topic:
Definitely no. People lie in and outside the Internet.
1. To date someone I would want it to be in person.
2. I'd only want to date someone if I met someone who was different to the rest of people, if I f found "that special someone".
3. I'd only want to date if it was for something serious. Long term and stable.

Thankfully, I have read Asperger tend to be-I don't know if all Asperger- honest and more rational.
I am both, so. I can't say about someone else, because I haven't yet met another Asperger like me.

The thing is: Appearance are not what they seem. People lie a lot. Watch out.

I have dated four men I met online. One was charming and sweet at first but pressured me into moving in with him before I was ready then turned abusive once he had me away from my mom.

Another met someone else, only one date with him.

Third was an absolute creep who started making fun of special people during our date, yeah you can imagine how that went, considering not only am I an aspie but I have an uncle with brain damage and many of my childhood friends were disabled. I only had two dates with him, the second one is where he showed his ugly side.

fourth claimed to be divorced but in retrospect I suspect he was actually married and I was a dirty little secret.

I have also had people I have talked to but never actually met. Some of them disappeared with out a trace, others told me why it wouldn't work out.

Still looking. I hate dating but I want a family someday. That's what I get for using free sites, but I can't afford eharmony, I looked into them, far to expensive.

I did it for about 6 months, but most of the profiles I viewed were pretty generic--guys who described themselves in pretty much the same ways over and over again. Or they'd say something like they have a good sense of humor and then not show it. I went out on 5 dates with 4 different guys:

1) Nice guy, but no click. He did insist on walking me home, which I thought was weird.

2) Again, a nice guy, but talked too much about his ex at dinner. So, clearly not over her. Then he sends me an e-mail saying he doesn't want to go on a second date because he "still has some issues." Go figure.

3) Went out on 2 days with this guy. Talked way too much about himself and get too touchy feely over dinner. The second time we went out he started to talk about how much he wanted to get married and about how he gets out of body experiences. Then he made me go Dutch.

4) Fourth guy insisted we go out on a Monday night, so he was CLEARLY interested in me (there needs to be a sarcasm font here!). Sent me a Dear Jane e-mail the next day, which I appreciated. When I replied with a thanks for dinner, he responded with a long diatribe about how I shouldn't sound so desperate. Huh?

I don't get it. And I think I'm "not normal?"

Yeah, that sounds like a joke to me.

Most women on dating sites who get those messages think that they're either being spammed, or that the guy hasn't taken enough time to read their profile and respond to something they've said--so why should the women bother with them?

Also, I would be very, very creeped out if some guy I hadn't met in person and didn't know at all told me he thought I was beautiful.

Apart from the "insisting" part, what's wrong with these two things?