Should I just leave the both of them?

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I got into a relationship with two girls, one was my best friend Girl A and the other is her best friend Girl B. Girl A has always been there for me, for years and I wanted to date her for 10 years since high school, but I was put into a situation, where I couldn't date Girl A without dating Girl B. Girl A is used to open relationships, but Girl B isn't, but was willing to deal with it in order to date me. Girl A has two boyfriends, I was the third and I became very good friends with them both and they helped me out with Girl A since the beginning. I started having feeling for one of Girl A's boyfriends and he really liked me. It was weird for me because I never had feelings for a guy ever. I told Girl B about it and she was fine with it and gave me the impression, that it was okay and even made a joke and asked "well can I watch you guys" and "Do you mind if he does things to me?", so she seemed fine with it. So, I told him Girl B was okay with me and him having sex and I flirted with him and told Girl B about it when I got high and she told me she was jealous and didn't want him to do something that she does for me. I tried to explain to her, that I thought she was okay with it and would never do anything to hurt her, but she called up Girl A and they both called me up on the phone and told me how much of a bad boyfriend I am and that she was never okay with me doing things with him, she was just okay about it begin a fantasy of mine and Girl A made me tell her boyfriend the guy I was talking to that I was just leading him on and I never foundout if it was 100% okay with Girl B. So, now I still have Girl B, but Girl A said I'm going to have to wait years to be with her again and now I lost the guy I was talking to, who I might of had a relationship with and I lost him as a best friend.

I gave the poly thing a try during my casual dating experince but I quickly relized it was too complicated and exhausting for me.

What had girl A so upset exactly?

Girl A wouldn't care at all if I decided to have sex with her boyfriend, but Girl B got jealous about flirting with him, after she gave me the impression it was okay and told Girl A and that got her upset, since Girl B got upset.

She's fine with you sticking it to another girl (whom she's apperently friends with) but she gets jealous when you want to stick it to another dude? Does not compute........ Is she homophobic or something?

No the thing is if I was only with Girl A, she wouldn't care, but since I'm with Girl B also, and Girl B gets jealous, Girl A gets pissed off at me when Girl B gets jealous, since they're best friends. In fact I never wanted to date Girl B at first. Girl A sort of put me in a situation where if I didn't date Girl B I wouldn't of had Girl A, but now I don't have Girl A at all....

Now this is just plain greedy, Mister!
You deserve what ever therapy bills you ring up over this!

Sounds way too complicated for me. One-on-one relationships are complicated enough - I can't imagine trying to juggle what you've got going on. Good luck - and I am interested in hearing how this turns out, so keep posting updates.

Okay, I will keep this updated. The trouble I'm having is well I'm so used to being single and I have had feelings for Girl A for about three years. I knew of her in high school, but never really talked to her then and then I talked to her on and off, until about 3 years ago. So, I've gotten attached to her and the idea of being with her, but the reality I have come to findout, isn't anything like the fantasy and it's just so hard to let go and if Girl B was never in the picture, things might have worked out way better, but since I was put in a situation by Girl A, where she made me want to date Girl B, I kind of got stuck. I do care about Girl B also, but all of this is just ruined now.

Isn't working through jelousy a big part of being poly? This sounds like something she needs to work on.

wait your in a relationship with two girls?


right on...

Girl A isn't making any sense to me. Did you tell girl A that girl B led you to believe that being with this guy was alright?

Also, why would girl A care if you were dating girl B before she'd go out with you? They must be very close friends. Are the girls lovers to each other too? Girl B must have really had a thing for you, and girl A knew it and tried to get you 2 together any way she could.
And girl B still isn't making sense either, as was said before by Geek (and I think you misunderstood him)...why would girl B be jealous of this other man being involved with you, but not about girl A being involved with you?

Hmmm, maybe the only reason girl B is not jealous of girl A because it was girl A's plan all along to drop you at some point. This explains both girls' reactions that otherwise don't fit.

Girl A, unfortunately, sounds quite manipulative and seems like she might not actually have ever liked you. Unfortunate because it also sounds like she's the one you really want to be with.

Whether or not you stay with girl B should be based on your feelings about her. You should consider if a future relationship with girl B will not be hindered by feelings you still have for girl A.

Instead of saying Girl A and Girl B, you should give them code names. That way people can actually understand.


Girl A is Betty and Girl B is Bertha

IMO this is the worst bit. She can't make you lie to someone. You should have told him the truth of what was going on. Neither of the females sound like they are worth the effort. I feel mentally exhausted just reading the story.

The problem sounds like one of communication. Somewhere along the way, someone either was reading between the lines, or expecting the other to.

Be blunt and tell everyone that there is no reading between the lines, no hidden meanings, no hints. You need them to be straight up on honest.

And the poly thing ... I don't believe in it at all. I've never seen it not eventually end up in hurt.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQKlstAGqzU[/youtube]

Last edited by leafplant on 08 Nov 2013, 6:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah. The OP is being waaaaayyyy too passive about the whole thing. Girl A sounds like a manipulative jerk. He should talk to this guy he likes and be honest about the situation. Based on the info we have, he's done nothing wrong and should stand up for himself.