Realistically, what are the chances?

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I've always had difficulties in relationships with men. I'm too trusting and giving, and in most cases I wind up getting taken advantage of and/or abused (luckily, only emotionally, not physically). And not only in romantic relationships, but in a few other strictly platonic relationships as well. Apparently, like most Aspies, I suck at reading people and their motivations, and I get attached too easily.

I also have major body issues - I've had a lot of surgery which has left me scarred, literally and figuratively. I'm self-conscious about it, to say the least. It's hard for me to even make friends, much less form male-female relationships. Also, I'm now 57 years old.

I recently lost the love of my life (killed by a drunk driver) after less than two years together. It was the best relationship I've ever had, probably because he was also an Aspie, and we totally "got" each other.

So, here's my issue: considering I live in a small town (and if I ever want to retire, I have to stay here in my current job at least another 4-5 years), and considering I have all of the above issues, I'm beginning to think that I will spend the rest of my life alone. Having finally been with someone so compatible, I don't think I'll be willing to "settle" for anything much different than what I had with my fiance.

Obviously, I'm not ready to re-enter the dating scene at this point, but with me craving human interaction, I think at some point I will be. My worrywart tendencies make me want to start solving this problem before it arises, and the more I think about it, the less likely it seems I will ever again find that kind of happiness.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking here - but for now I think I'd like to concentrate on making friends, rather than looking for a relationship. Unfortunately, it seems like this is a bad time to try and make any new connections, but due to the limited (and geographically distant) nature of my existing close friendships, I'm really craving some face time with compatible people. I'm horribly uncomfortable in groups of relative strangers (terrified is more accurate), so I don't want to take classes, join civic organizations, or even go hang at in a bar after work with co-workers (the people I tend to get along with are not the kind of people who hang out in bars).

Any Aspie-friendly suggestions?

Let's see, according to my calculations, your chances of getting married is 1 in 31. not too bad.

That's why I'm here.

I once did a statistical analysis of the chances of meeting someone here in Colorado. There were 1.67 men in Colorado who met all of my criteria. I already had "the one" - not sure I want to meet the 0.67 guy.....

Oh yeah, what are your "criteria?"
Maybe some of them are flexible? Maybe there are some work-arounds for some of them.
Maybe some of them are not as important as previously thought?

I'll be your friend, even though I'm not short, nor thin, nor in Colorado.

LOL, 1401b. I recently renewed my Netflix subscription and have been watching a whole lot of TV series and movie DVDs (my ISP doesn't accommodate streaming).

To come up with the 1.67 figure, I googled the population of Colorado. Then of the general population in the U.S. I googled: % male, % straight, % in my age bracket (my age +/- 5 years), % IQ >135, % 6' or taller, % agnostic/atheist, and % smokers. And then I ran a calculation on those numbers.

I can definitely be flexible on: height (although I'm fairly tall, and if a man isn't at least 4" or more taller than me, I feel like the Jolly Green Giant around him), agnostic/atheist (but he has to be tolerant of me having different views), and smoking (again, he would have to be tolerant of me smoking - I may quit someday, but probably not in the immediate or foreseeable future).

I appreciate your comments about the scarring. Aside from that bit, I'm told I'm pretty attractive for my age (someday I'll post a photo of myself, but today is not that day), but I've been completely rejected in the past because of the scars, so I'm hyper-sensitive about it. Personally, I'm more interested in what's inside a person than what's outside. Being able to "connect" with someone on an intellectual, emotional, spiritual, AND physical level is really the thing I care most about.

And, yes, I'd love to strike up a friendship or two here - none of those criteria apply to friends, only to long-term romantic relationships (which I'm not ready for in any case). Thanks!

Back in the stone age, when I was in school, I think they gave it to everyone as a matter of form. I've yet to meet anyone around my own age who doesn't know their IQ......

Was that in the UK? In general I've noticed that IQ tests or aptitude tests in general are used a lot less here than in the States except among education psychologists.

I don't know mine, despite being through the mill a few educational psychologists in the past - because in general they don't tell you, or their tests are more tests of general cognitive ability - though I can't say I am conceited enough to imagine it is much beyond the top 10th percentile if that for all IQ tests are worth. 135 is 1% of the population and seems a slightly unrealistic cutting off point for people you meet, especially as beyond a certain limit raw intelligence is probably less important than intellectual attitude or methodology - unless of course you're referring to online test results. You're talking of levels that even an average science lecturer wouldn't have, and probably at a level where there is a fine cusp towards social and mental instability. I would've thought a more intuitive sense of someone's intelligence or sense of culture would be appropriate in such circumstances.

From talking to others, I gather that not all parents elected to share the results with their children. In my case, I wasn't told by my parents until I was over 30. Too bad, because I could really have used the motivation of knowing I was actually smart, instead of just weird, when I was still in junior high/high school!

You're going to end up with a guy who is:

- Not 6'
- Not genius, ~IQ 100
- Not atheist
- Outside your age range.

and you're gonna worship him with love.