would you date me? [joke]

Page 1 of 3 [ 36 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3 Next

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

13 Nov 2013, 5:43 pm

so, inspired by the other thread, I thought it would be funny to try and write a brutally honest imaginary profile for a dating website and see what people say.

Hello Handsome. I've been waiting my whole life for you. Well, that's a lie, but I bet you liked hearing that, didn't you? I know the reason you are on the internet, looking for love, is because this was the only way to meet Me. Your one and true love. But because I live so far away, on the other end of the world, what choice did you have? Still, you've found me now! You can just jump into your lovely personal jet and head right over here where you can sweep me off your feet by a whirlwind first date trip to Paris, complete with the unorthodox sex on the first date - but you will still respect me in the morning - because I am me, your one true love. You will take care of my every need and whim, and you will do it gladly as making me happy will make you happy. In so many ways. You will want to support me and enjoy my company, but you will be busy enough so that I am free to enjoy my alone time as much as I need to. Your children and I will mutually adore eachother from the start and probably go drinking together regularly. You are so hot, I will not be able to keep my hands off your incredibly fit body for long enough to consider just how lucky I am to have found you.

I thought I did really well not starting most of the sentences with *I*.

smudge
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

13 Nov 2013, 5:46 pm

leafplant wrote:

Hello Handsome. I've been waiting my whole life for you. Well, that's a lie, but I bet you liked hearing that, didn't you? I know the reason you are on the internet, looking for love, is because this was the only way to meet Me. Your one and true love.

...Your children and I will mutually adore eachother from the start and probably go drinking together regularly.

LOL!

_________________
I've left WP.

redrobin62
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,009
Location: Seattle, WA

13 Nov 2013, 5:52 pm

<--- Running in the other direction. :!:

_________________
One Day At A Time.
His first book: http://www.amazon.com/Wetland-Other-Sto ... B00E0NVTL2
His second book: https://www.amazon.com/COMMONER-VAGABON ... oks&sr=1-2
His blog: http://seattlewordsmith.wordpress.com/

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,045
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

13 Nov 2013, 6:05 pm

Creep.

1401b
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 May 2012
Age: 124
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,590

13 Nov 2013, 6:06 pm

leafplant wrote:

Ok, now I'm terrified!

(and I had been thinking kinda sekci thoughts about you!)

_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus

yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

13 Nov 2013, 6:55 pm

leafplant wrote:

sweep me off your feet

Your little typo is making me chuckle. I'm imagining you standing on his feet and hugging his legs like kids do with their dads. He's trying to walk but you are so heavy! So he grabs a broom and sweeps you off his feet.

leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

14 Nov 2013, 2:53 pm

finally. I had been waiting for someone to spot that typo. (I fell in love with the Green Giant hehehe)

Stalk
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,138

14 Nov 2013, 3:23 pm

need pictures.

leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

14 Nov 2013, 4:20 pm

of what?

Last edited by leafplant on 14 Nov 2013, 6:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.

SwampOwl
Deinonychus

Joined: 9 Jul 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 330
Location: The Black Swamp

14 Nov 2013, 4:55 pm

Just a few tips.
It would help if you had some pictures of your leaves.
I was watching a Player Supreme video and he said that if you compliment a woman's foliage, there is a good chance that she will let you put your pistil in her stamen.
And remember, practice safe pollination, always use gardening gloves.
Good luck

leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

15 Nov 2013, 12:13 pm

Interesting. The current state of this poll indicates that either

a) there are many poly men around here
or
b) there are many unfaithful men around here

Which is it?

_________________
context is king

Stalk
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Jul 2012
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,138

15 Nov 2013, 12:46 pm

leafplant wrote:

Interesting. The current state of this poll indicates that either

a) there are many poly men around here
or
b) there are many unfaithful men around here

Which is it?

I thought the first option was sarcasm for maybe and the 2nd for no.

Ferrus91
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Apr 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 311
Location: Kent, UK

15 Nov 2013, 1:39 pm

So, eh, is this meant to be funny or something?

leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

15 Nov 2013, 2:29 pm

Stalk wrote:

leafplant wrote:

Interesting. The current state of this poll indicates that either

a) there are many poly men around here
or
b) there are many unfaithful men around here

Which is it?

I thought the first option was sarcasm for maybe and the 2nd for no.

Um, no, I meant them quite literally. I know better than to use sarcasm on this forum without labeling it clearly as such..

which brings me to

Ferrus91 wrote:

So, eh, is this meant to be funny or something?

Depends really. It definitely is not meant to be taken seriously. Whether it is funny or droll or annoying or boring will depend on the viewer. Heisenberg and all that.

By the way, yourself and stalk are very similar. Related in any way?

Ferrus91
Deinonychus

Joined: 25 Apr 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 311
Location: Kent, UK

15 Nov 2013, 5:02 pm

leafplant wrote:

Well the Heisenberg uncertainty principle deals in probabilities, so I'd say this thread works on the principle that the closer you look at it and pin its meaning down, the lower the probability of your finding anything worthy of amusement.

And we're similar in our replies to you. I don't think that how one responds to your posts is a universal index of your character, but I have been wrong occasionally.

leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

15 Nov 2013, 5:25 pm

Ferrus91 wrote:

I'd say this thread works on the principle that the closer you look at it and pin its meaning down, the lower the probability of your finding anything worthy of amusement.

that is usually the case of anything. specially anything to do with me :roll:

Quote:

And we're similar in our replies to you. I don't think that how one responds to your posts is a universal index of your character, but I have been wrong occasionally.

what does 'universal index of your character' mean? :?:

_________________
context is king

Page 1 of 3 [ 36 posts ] Go to page 1, 2, 3 Next

Jump to:

would you date me? [joke] Post Reply New Topic

would you date me? [joke]