what's the deal with the negativity?!

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Okay so I know a lot of us people with (suspected) autism get the short end of the stick love-wise. I'm one of them as you'll note. And I haven't read stuff here very long so forgive me.

But really, why do people here seem to be so quick to judge others and get down on them when they're asking sincere questions? Yes you might not agree with what someone says, but do you have to turn that into personal attacks? Bitterness is your/our personal experience, not a judgment on everyone else. You might dislike them and what they do and say, but they/we come here for support. Honesty is great but I don't think that requires snark and unkindness?

I am really a tolerant person and try hard not to take offense, and thus far people have been kind to me here, which I really like. I just feel bad for the people who are trying to get help and get trashed and ridiculed instead How does that help anyone? Surely it just makes them discount what you say and not ask for advice anymore? Does anyone deserve that? We are all here because we have problems relating to other people

I apologize if this isn't the right place to post these questions but just reading this particular section of the forum I see so much unkindness and unhelpfulness, and it really pains me. I am interested to hear what people have to say about the situation. Regards, and thanks again for your kind responses to me. -- Elanor. <3

I'm curious about this, because to the best of my knowledge, I haven't noticed this tendency myself (which is obviously far from being a claim that it doesn't exist).

Can you cite any specific examples that I could look at in response to your thread?

Hey Elanor,

Don't let them get to you. If people are overly sensitive and/or take everything someone says as an opportunity to vent or boost their esteem by lowering yours, that is their problem.
If it's people in this particular section you are having a problem with, I guess you can venture over to the Members Only board. It has the benefit of being out of public view and having some leeway on the topic to hand.

I have to say that sometimes I share this particular sentiment--we're all here because we're looking to connect with other people on the spectrum, share information, maybe get an alternative perspective on the way we see things. So it makes no sense to me to denigrate people. But there are those jerks who, feeling anonymous, will post whatever they want without thinking of what will happen. That said though, the rest of the forum aside from the love and dating section seems to be OK--I don't think I've run into any problems in my (short) time here. Don't feel down about the negativity!

Negativity is kind of the correlative of frustration.

I suppose I can see that. If someone were that frustrated, though, I'd question their motivation in casting judgment on others, anonymously or no

Thanks for the encouragement. I can use advice and I will stick around here as long as people are nice to me... selfish maybe, but then again maybe I can bring a little kindness here? --Elanor.

Negativity happens. I often have to remind myself that this is an autism forum, and as such, some of us on the spectrum can be as blunt as anvils. Yes, feelings often get hurt and I'm sure the perpetrators don't mean it, but communication deficits is what we're known for. It is, after all, part of the criteria of being on the spectrum.

Surely there's a line between being brutally honest and just being brutal for its sake? But maybe you are right that some of us don't understand or recognize this well.

I am also unnerved by the fact that some people-- the perpetrators, or witnesses-- seem to find this negativity funny. CharityFunDay when I have a chance I'll PM you some of the posts in question

people are angry bitter and misogynistic cuz they dont got s**t going on in their own lives

I feel pretty certain that some of the perpetrators do mean what they say, even though (or perhaps because) they have so little idea what they're talking about.

If people could "give up" without becoming bitter, they would vastly improve their chances of attracting someone who would make them happy. By giving up, they could give up the preconceptions and attitudes that have gotten them nowhere in the past.

It is in some ways similiar to any forum. You have to report any percieved violations to the mods. Its the only way to manage the situation really. But it also seems to go in cycles sometimes as people move in and out. Definately give it a bit of time however for in the long run its pretty rare to have such a large group of folks with ASD.

Negativity is my food.

It is bitterness brought on by years of negative experiences. I suffer from depression, so I find it very hard not to say bitter things to people (on the internet and IRL). I see someone younger with high hopes and I look back on my life and I see how in the years between the age I am and the age they are, nothing worked out for me and I have to bite my tounge and stop myself saying, "it's not going to work out".

Some people don't hold it in. They think, "this has all been pain and misery for me, so I want to express that and kill your stupid little dream because life is hard and your positivity is stupid. I hurt and I want to express my hurt and I want someone else to feel how much pain I am in. I want someone else to feel it."

Often, I think, because they have no one to talk to. No one to calm them down IRL and help them deal with the negativity. Being alone can be very painful.

When you get into a rut of negativity it is hard to have a positive outlook. When I am really down I don't go out because I know that I'm going to say something nasty to someone. I just find it so hard to watch people seemingly easily getting on with normal lives like everything has just fit into place for them. It just feels like they are deluded fools. Can't they see how hard life is? Why are they denying my pain and pretending everything is peachy?

The anger stems from jealousy too.

By wanting others to feel your pain, is this not some way of punishing the world and others for 'causing' it?

I never want anyone to feel any pain at all, should they not choose it - even those who have 'wronged' me in some way. The only person I ever did want to feel pain is dead now - and I only wanted him to feel pain so he could stop what he was doing.

The old saying that there's someone having it worse than you - or someone is in the same boat as you - I don't find that comforting, I find that excruciating.

I cause any pain I feel. I cause my negativity. Anything else is a dangerous road to go down.

That is a very good attitude to have. You do realise my bit in itallics was a hypothetical quote of what I assume some negative people are thinking.

I think it's not wanting to make the other person hurt, but wanting to express your own hurt in a way they can understand because of communication difficulties in some cases. A person is saying, I feel ignored and that no one cars. This pain I am expressing is how I feel.

I apologize - I misread that. Even if you had thought that yourself, I wasn't criticising.

Some people have known nothing but pain and negativity their whole lives. That's what they are full of inside - what else do they know of, and what else do they have to give away? They have forgotten any choice that they once knew they had over their own feelings. And reminding them of such a choice can be taken as an affront to their identity.

As far as I am concerned, how I feel is the only true choice that I have.



And not being listened to can cause immmense frustration...but being listened to doesn't always take the pain away.