The Allure of Aggressive Men

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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hea ... essive-men

This thread is gonna be a poop arena

I personally just don't recognise it. I bet it works like that for a lot of women, but I actually always avoided those aggressive types. It might have both psychological and biological components, but still they're stupid. I know someone who works in the police force and he describes women (even mothers) going back to their violent ex all the time, for sex for instance. But then he beats her up again and what does she do? Call the police. To go right back again a week later. Aren't we more than just a biological machine controlled by hormones? >_< Apparently some not.

I never understood it. For me crying and ranting men, are as sex appealing as a kid, throwing on the floor to receive some candy. I dont know, maybe its the senory issues, so that loudyness and aggresivity seems so stupid to me, but I simply cannot understand, how such person can be taken serious. That screaming and yelling is nothing else then a proove, that a person is helpless and does not know or understand of other ways to express an oppinion. Or its simply a sign of an acchieved lazyness in childhood, so the child ranting, and mummies running to please him. Which is ok if you are three, but not if you want to be on equal terms with grown ups. I never understood, what kind of attractiveness these kind of "man" should have, for me it was like child molesting, having a relationship with an individual, having that kind of development problems.

^The macho aggression she (the author) is talking about isn't manifested in the form of child tantrum, at least not necessarily.

I think they mistake as*holes with confidence. Either I have through my work or social doing a right on something, or I dont. But if I simply ignore the rights of others, and take me more, then it is mine, I am simply lazy, which is a kid attitude in my eyes. Confident people have no need to do so.

^ do you know French?

In your theory, power goes automatic with respect and authority. Cant agree to do that. If your an as*hole, your an as*hole, anyway what position you have. I do agree that there are folks automatically agreeing into this, but just like there are tons of people who will give you a bigger status for a big car, there are as well ones, who wouldnt know, why to give you another status, because of you owning a mechanical transport vehicle.

I'm really questioning this idea that caddish men have "better genes". She says that apparently they tend to be better looking, for example. I wanna see a citation for that.

Also, you would really begin to suspect that even if it were true, being left without a man to protect them or any of his resources, that the vast majority of women would be in a seriously tight spot, and that it would be a losing trade-off. [edit] I mean, back in ancestral environments. Guns: The great equalizers!

This whole thing reeks of "psychology is a joke".

Aggressive men can be attractive on a very primal level. Generally, it is unconsciously perceived as being directly related to the physicality they would demonstrate during sex. Which is fine, unless you are their sexual partner and the target of their violence, This isn't the rule of course -- many violent men have a tendency (perhaps rooted in mother-worship) to put their partner on a pedestal and regard themselves as their protector against all threats (even if this is usually demonstrated by beating the living s**t out of some poor bloke who is suspected of 'looking at my bird', and not by actually taking care of their partner's needs in any practical sense).

Some women (and quite a few men) actually enjoy this sort of relationship -- indeed some people have a bit of a 'fetish' for violent men. I suspect (but cannot support with any evidence) that this plays at least a major part in the inability of some battered partners to leave their abusers, because their emotional response to their partner's violent nature is inextricably linked with the reason they love them in the first place, and hence violence directed toward them is understood as being an expression of physical love. Needless to say, such individuals usually come from an abusive family upbringing.

Generally, people who have a more reasonable approach to being attracted to men with the proven capacity for violence tend to pursue men whose violence is expressed in strictly-controlled circumstances. Rugby players and boxers are good examples of these, and also tend to have bodies that are perceived as highly-desirable due to their characteristically developed nature.

Since most physical violence occurs between males, and is closely tied in with perceptions of dominance and submission, it is perhaps not surprising that there is a widespread underground gay subculture of beaters and victims, in which the more usual forms of fetishistic sadomasochism are abandoned in favour of direct physical aggression taken out on a willing victim (who might necessarily be very frightened of the experience he seeks), sometimes to the extent that the victim requires medical attention for his injuries or is permanently altered in some way (a typical example would be by having his nose badly broken and its original shape being unregainable).

This culture is hard to examine, because the 'beaters' tend not to announce their preferences publicly (through usual channels such as dating sites) in case it lays them open to criminal charges, and the 'victims' do not wish to be perceived as vulnerable, but it definitely exists, and devotees occasionally advertise their preferences in contexts devoted to physical combat (e.g., websites such as globalfight.com), frequented by gay men with an interest in violent sports, who may consider taking up violence as a sexual pursuit in its own right.