Is Dating An Older Person Ok? Would he like me for me?

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Hey everyone, I need some love advice, and fast. I know this may seem silly or outrageous to all of you, but I'm in love with singer Josh Groban. I can't get over how awesome, funny, smart, and sweet he is, and I can feel that he has a good heart. My heart beats fast whenever I hear him on my iPod or iPhone, and I daydream about us being together, holding hands and being in love. The only problem is, he's 32, and I'm close to being 18(I turn 18 next March, and by next year, he'll be 33.) I feel strongly attracted to him, and I want to get famous to meet him, and maybe get to know him a little more. (That's what I want for my 18th birthday, to meet him and sing a couple of songs to him; I've been dreaming about it for months.)

So anyway, I've looked up tons of info on women dating older men, and it doesn't seem like a bad thing to me. Love is love, in my opinion. But I get worrisome feelings inside of me. I worry that if I meet him and if I tell him that I am an Aspie, then he'd react badly or be uncomfortable, and the least thing that I wanna do is make him uncomfortable if he met me. I know that neurotypicals and Aspies fall in love and even get married and have families, but I'm so confused. And what if he fell in love with me? Then that'd be great! I want to be able to allow him to fall in love with me if
I got famous, and also be supportive about it, too. (Getting complicated guys? Yeah, I know it is.)

I just need support from my fellow members here, and I need some real, open-hearted answers. I need someone who can help me with my feelings, and be supportive at the same time. I can't help being in love with an amazing singer like Josh Groban; he's inspired me and has put so much light into my life. So, I need some advice and also some truth about this. Thank you so much. Love all of ya!

You're going to get famous doing what?

I'm in love with a semi-famous person too, my footballer. I'm his player sponsor, plus there's only 3 years 11 months between us (his birthday is coming up too....). He and I get along fairly well and he thinks well of me (finally admitting it to myself. I don't know why but it's so much easier to believe he doesn't care about me when his words and actions clearly state otherwise).

However, gunning for someone famous isn't easy at all. I'm constantly worried about him finding another girl. But then again, he says he's happy being single for now, so who knows. It could be when he finally decides he wants a girlfriend, because I was there supporting him he'll automatically chose me (oh stop laughing everyone! I'm allowed to dream!).

OP, the problem isn't in the age difference, but in the fact that you're a bit obsessed with him and confusing it for some genuine kind of love.

Heres a LINK to a previous girlfriend og his, January Jones, this gives you an idea of the sort of girl he goes for and with his status, can get.
Are you sure you are as good looking and will be as famous an actress and model as her to be in his league?
If not, you are heading towards a life of loneliness and misery like a friend I knew who was so star obsessed, she even lost her house due to the debt incurred from following her idols around the world, she could have met somebody in her social arena, fell in Love and got married, but she wasted her life following an unachievable fantasy.

You have fallen for a public projected image of a man you do not know, he might be horrid in hjs personal life, why not meet an ordinary man in real life who is just as nice but hasn't become famous, maybe he could become famous with you if you help him, then you would really have a special attachment to each other.

There is no 'logical' response to your post...which sounds like my cue!

You might not agree with what I say, but please mark these words well. I'm going to take your post 101% seriously, and assume worst-case scenario...

You have feelings inside yourself for this person you have never met. You are running off the feelings - and listening to music etc. is growing the feelings. Any fantasies you have about this person can do this. It's as simple as that. You are fanning flames into an inferno. Please don't think I'm judging you. Any judgement like this being 'right' or 'wrong' is invalid and pointless....at this stage...

Who Josh Groban really is has nothing to do with it - he may well have a good heart, and be all the things you say...



Oh look, he's incredibly good looking (and the benefits of a good photographer). Somehow I doubted he'd be ugly. I'm not saying you would ever project good qualities onto someone good looking, like 90% of human beings, but hey ho...ahem, where was I?

... oh yes, a good heart and all that - but that's actually not important. What's important is that you are allowing yourself to feel powerful feelings (which anyone here can do) and have connected them in this way.

Thus, I consistently argue that it's possible for anyone to fall in love with a block of cheese. You might turn your nose up at this (if it's an old blue cheese, of course you would )

As I have said to someone else recently - you can keep these feelings and use them to help get you through life. But beware. This smacks of being a coping mechanism...

Consider the flip side of having these feelings. They will discourage you from pursuing a real-life relationship with people who are more available - where rejection and relationship conflict will exist. If you met someone really good for you, you probably would ignore them because of your feelings attachment to Mr Groban. In short, these feelings are keeping you 'safe' from that - they are giving you the emotional hit that you want, and protecting you from relationships. Look deep inside yourself and ask yourself if this is really true or not. This sort of behaviour always has the payoff.

Yet your feelings aren't enough. Now you think you need to find him in real life to escalate this 'relationship'. Let me tell you now that this is dangerous, you are following your feelings so much, and you are growing him to the point of obsessive stalking. There is a line (Where your thoughts and actions impact upon other people), and you seem you are about to cross it.

You never need to meet Josh Groban. What you need to do is to examine the feelings - where they are in you, how they move, what colour they are, what temperature they are, how 'real' they feel, and how you continue to grow them to a point which will probably create real-life problems. You can shrink them and reduce them to a manageable level. I think you should. I have to say, with kindness - the future course of actions you contemplate is very wrong, as you have no consideration for anyone or anything else but your feelings. That is dangerous! And what happens should your feelings grow even further, and being around Mr Groban wouldn't sate them?

The above is why many famous people tend to have security - to protect them from those who do the same thing as you are (potentially) doing. These 'stalkers' grow their feelings too much, and take things way too far - and don't even understand the process behind it.

(And don't worry - in a way, you're in good company. The vast majority of people who fall in love, fall in love with an image they project onto someone else anyway. Most people just don't want to look clearly, and certainly don't understand the process of infatuation).

I wonder would you be so kind as to explain what a genuine kind of love means to you.

I don't have a precise answer to that one. I'm just certain that what she's feeling is no different from a very strong crush that is based on filling in all the gaps in knowledge of the object with what one wishes for the object to portray.

I wouldn't call that guy incredibly good looking. Passable but to me he is not even attractive. Which just goes to show how individual everyone's experience is..

Look, anything is possible, he may meet her and fall in love with her and they could be happy for ever and ever after.

If it doesn't turn out that way and she ends up with a restraining order - well...lets hope the lesson gets learned. I know some people who didn't learn. They are THAT damaged. It's very sad but what can you do.

Look, I'm not trying to accuse anyone, but it feels like you all think that I'm a stalker or something. I'm not like that at all. It's not like I spend hours and hours a day trying to obsess over him. He's just a person that I'd like to meet and maybe love one day. All I'm looking for is support. I'm still confused and lonely.

I didn't say you were stalking him.

I know, I'm sorry. It's just that I'm in love and can't help it. I just wish with all my heart that my dream came true. I'm sorry.

The first step is to get Josh Groban to fall in love with you. I'm pretty sure hordes of women have tried and failed thus far

Yes it's ok to like an older man. But in reality the problem here isn't your age difference. The real problem is that you have cultivated feelings for someone famous who you will never be on the same social level with.

Sorry kid, but it's not going to happen.

You are idolizing him and no human being can live up to that idolization. We are all flawed.

Ok so I may seem like a hypocrite because on another thread I mentioned a comedian that I think is attractive, but that was only as a point of reference because no one here knows Bub who lives down the road from me and I can't say, "if you want to know what type of man I am attracted to look at Bub over there" because no one here can do that. But they can google Mr Comedian and say, "ok, so you like talkative, jokey, maybe slightly annoying, Scottish men." In truth mr comedian reminds me of a friend of mine and if I hadn't met my friend the famous dude wouldn't be so interesting. He reminds me of someone I know in real life.

I can't relate to your problem. I am going to slap you with a reaity check. You need to get out and meet some real life people. I'm sorry to be harsh, but you can't nurse a dream and expect to end up with a famous person. It doesn't happen.

But you are a normal teenager. My friends at school all had crushes on famous singers as well. They are now married to regular guys and are quiet happy with that.

One tip: Groban likes his ladies to pop.

What do you mean by pop?