Page 1 of 3 [ 33 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

24 Dec 2013, 9:21 pm

So I went to this night club with my younger brother. Wasn't really expecting to meet anyone I know or even anyone my age but weirdly I met this guy I went to primary school with. First time I've seen him in over 10 years. So far so good.

Then this girl joins us and I ask her what she does, she says "that's a bit weird" in response, okay, not good, I've obviously just butted in or something, but she answers and says she's a midwife, so I reply, "have you delivered many babies recently" (that's really what I said, that's how autistic I am) So she basically ignores me from this point on and the guy starts chastising me, I haven't seen him in 10+ years and he's criticizing me for how I handled it, saying how weird that was, telling me I should have said "so do you enjoy it?" and not "have you delivered many babies?".

I feel so dumb. I feel humiliated. He doesn't know I'm autistic and I've been having trouble socializing but it feels like in 10 minutes he found it out.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

24 Dec 2013, 9:43 pm

jerry00 wrote:
So I went to this night club with my younger brother. Wasn't really expecting to meet anyone I know or even anyone my age but weirdly I met this guy I went to primary school with. First time I've seen him in over 10 years. So far so good.

Then this girl joins us and I ask her what she does, she says "that's a bit weird" in response, okay, not good, I've obviously just butted in or something, but she answers and says she's a midwife, so I reply, "have you delivered many babies recently" (that's really what I said, that's how autistic I am) So she basically ignores me from this point on and the guy starts chastising me, I haven't seen him in 10+ years and he's criticizing me for how I handled it, saying how weird that was, telling me I should have said "so do you enjoy it?" and not "have you delivered many babies?".

I feel so dumb. I feel humiliated. He doesn't know I'm autistic and I've been having trouble socializing but it feels like in 10 minutes he found it out.


what,that rude of her,she's a mid wife,that what she does.



jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

24 Dec 2013, 9:47 pm

Yeah, that's why I asked, but he seemed adamant that i was coming off as weird, and so did she by the way she was reacting. I hate how I ALWAYS come off as weird whatever I do.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

24 Dec 2013, 9:51 pm

jerry00 wrote:
Yeah, that's why I asked, but he seemed adamant that i was coming off as weird, and so did she by the way she was reacting. I hate how I ALWAYS come off as weird whatever I do.


well,you learn one thing,never ask women,what they do at their jobs.



jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

24 Dec 2013, 9:56 pm

Yeah I don't think they like to talk about work, is that right?

But I don't know what else to talk about. Work is the only "normal" thing I do, I'm grateful for my job, because I have nothing else, but no one understands



Merle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 514
Location: Lake Tahoe

24 Dec 2013, 10:02 pm

jerry00 wrote:
So I went to this night club with my younger brother. Wasn't really expecting to meet anyone I know or even anyone my age but weirdly I met this guy I went to primary school with. First time I've seen him in over 10 years. So far so good.

Then this girl joins us and I ask her what she does, she says "that's a bit weird" in response, okay, not good, I've obviously just butted in or something, but she answers and says she's a midwife, so I reply, "have you delivered many babies recently" (that's really what I said, that's how autistic I am) So she basically ignores me from this point on and the guy starts chastising me, I haven't seen him in 10+ years and he's criticizing me for how I handled it, saying how weird that was, telling me I should have said "so do you enjoy it?" and not "have you delivered many babies?".

I feel so dumb. I feel humiliated. He doesn't know I'm autistic and I've been having trouble socializing but it feels like in 10 minutes he found it out.


Seems like she had a problem, that he picked up on. There's nothing wrong, or there shouldn't be anything wrong, with asking what someone does (as long as it's legal).

It was weird for her to make that comment. I would shrugged it off and ignored her, focusing on the buddy. And with the way it turned out, probably would have happened to me and I would have just thought they were jerks and moved on with my life.

And I would have thought it was obvious she enjoys it as she's been doing it for a while. But you never know, people do things they hate so there's no safe question/answer to that scenario (and not like you're going to figure that out with 1-2 minutes of a conversation)



Willard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,647

24 Dec 2013, 10:12 pm

I would guess that she's not a midwife, she was just being rude and said something she thought was ridiculous and dismissive in response to a question that for whatever reason, she didn't want to answer. It's actually not an unusual question at all, which makes me think she hates her job or thinks of it as demeaning or embarrassing (or perhaps she's unemployed) and just didn't want to discuss it.

When she answered with what she thought was an obvious brush-off, and you continued to talk to take her remark literally, she may have thought you were just trying to intentionally annoy her. She's a beyotch, don't sweat it. :wink:



em_tsuj
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

24 Dec 2013, 10:17 pm

It's not you. It's them. They are being mean and rude. Asking someone what they do for a living is a perfectly normal thing to say when you don't know them very well.



bearsandsyrup
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 193

24 Dec 2013, 11:00 pm

Huh. I didn't read anything "off" in what you said. I likely would have asked what her job was as well. I probably would have asked how long she had been a midwife as my second question, but I see no problem in one's career being a topic of interest. Weird reaction. Sounds like a her problem, not a you problem.



redrobin62
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,009
Location: Seattle, WA

24 Dec 2013, 11:05 pm

Yeah. I agree with the responses here. I would've asked the same thing myself.



TheygoMew
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Nov 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,102

24 Dec 2013, 11:19 pm

Her calling you "weird" is way more insulting than you asking questions.



bearsandsyrup
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 13 Aug 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 193

25 Dec 2013, 12:26 am

TheygoMew wrote:
Her calling you "weird" is way more insulting than you asking questions.


Right? I feel like my response would have been, "Why is that an off-limits topic? Is your job seedy or something?" Those people sound wayyyyy too uptight, OP. I'd leave things where they lie and move on. Don't beat yourself up over it-- you were totally acceptable-- they were rude.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,568
Location: the island of defective toy santas

25 Dec 2013, 1:17 am

some people just aren't worth the trouble of dealing with them.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,612
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

25 Dec 2013, 2:34 am

People aren't so direct about their jobs when they're in healthcare/medicine etc and prefer the "so, how do you like it?" questions vs. blunt direct to the point questions. Talking about "gross," stuff like childbirth is a bit socially taboo, even if you were genuinely interested in her answers, or interested in it from a health/medicine/biology perspective.

So, you made a mistake. Humility is temporary. Next time, if you can remember to do so, don't ask such a direct question about someone's line of work.. ask the more acceptable open ended "and how do you like your job?" and let them ramble on and get into whatever level of detail they like. People like to talk about themselves and their jobs, but if you get straight to the point they find it rude or odd, so it's best to ask the higher level open ended questions and let them talk about it however they see fit.

That time is in the past now, learn from it & look forward to the next time you're in such a scenario and you'll get to try again with a better question and see what kind of results you get. 8)


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,568
Location: the island of defective toy santas

25 Dec 2013, 2:57 am

I suppose I don't matter, but when I was a hospital employee, I did not mind in the slightest talking about it.



Venger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,519

25 Dec 2013, 3:13 am

jerry00 wrote:
So I went to this night club with my younger brother. Wasn't really expecting to meet anyone I know or even anyone my age but weirdly I met this guy I went to primary school with. First time I've seen him in over 10 years. So far so good.

Then this girl joins us and I ask her what she does, she says "that's a bit weird" in response, okay, not good, I've obviously just butted in or something, but she answers and says she's a midwife, so I reply, "have you delivered many babies recently" (that's really what I said, that's how autistic I am) So she basically ignores me from this point on and the guy starts chastising me, I haven't seen him in 10+ years and he's criticizing me for how I handled it, saying how weird that was, telling me I should have said "so do you enjoy it?" and not "have you delivered many babies?".

I feel so dumb. I feel humiliated. He doesn't know I'm autistic and I've been having trouble socializing but it feels like in 10 minutes he found it out.


Sounds like they were probably drunk, and/or drunk combined with already being stupid in the first place.