Mechanics of Kissing and types of kisses? HELP NSFW?
So a while back I had a relationship that had been going on for a month end at the first kiss. I've been told I missed some social cues and that part of the reason the kiss failed was because she was already thinking of breaking up with me. This isn't about that.
I know exactly one way to kiss a girl. When she lets me lead and instruct her to set up the per-conditions for the kiss it works really well and I have gotten several compliments. When she is the aggressor or not open to instruction (or worse... "in the moment," AAAAHHH!) our faces clonk together like the square peg in the triangle hole.
I need to know the following information in two parts:
1) mechanics of the actual kiss
2) appropriate placement / use of hands
For example of the mechanics of a kiss:
[kiss
partner: head tilted slightly left, eyes closed, lips parted.
Self: head tilted slightly right, eyes closed on contact, lips parted
basic functional part of the kiss: Choose a lip, upper (pref) or lower and "grip" that lip with both of yours then massage the lip OR play a game where you try to gently "steal" that lip using yours pulling it lightly.
Hands: Right hand -> her left shoulder, Left hand -> (nape?) of her right neck / slight pressure.
/kiss]
What are the different designations of kiss?
specifically what kinds of closed mouth kisses, what are they used for, mechanically how do they work?
how the heck does french kissing even work / is that what I'm doing?
What different hand placements are appropriate for different situations
Is dominance/ slight force ever acceptable during a kiss? thus far it seems off-putting to others.
what search terms yield useful results for Google if detailed descriptions are not forthcoming? I am having a lot of trouble finding the kind of information I need and it is hard to understand from watching from the outside.
Hmmm... I know the following.
Kiss to the forehead.
Kiss to the cheek
Kiss to the nose
I use the same peck or slightly opened lip teqhnique for those three.
The soft kiss. It's just a gentle lip lock, and you pick a lip.
The forced kiss... the lip lock is a little more aggressive and some lip biting may occur.
The sensual kiss- can be soft, and use a little tongue with mouth slightly open.
French- mostly all tongue.
And other kissing... mostly sexual.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Self: head tilted slightly right, eyes closed on contact, lips parted
This looks like you have the right basic idea. Maybe first have a hand on her arm, just gently (no grabbing), and to her shoulder or back and around her waist if you're getting more into it. Be careful not to click your teeth, because that hurts, so don't part your lips by that much. Purse your lips a little bit, but not too much. Swallow excess saliva.
This advice is sound: http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Your-Kissing
I had never kissed anyone until I was 24, the girl in question found my kissing very peculiar because I was pecking too much and didn't really know when to part my lips or use my tongue. If you're actually dating people rather than having brief flings then you'll be forgiven for being a weird kisser and having to adjust, unless the girl doesn't really like you anyway. Assuming she gives you a chance it shouldn't take very long to adjust, you just have to relax, listen to her feedback, and find her rhythm.
Thank you for your replies! These types of questions are too specific and graphic for my current IRL friends.
it's really frustrating because all of my "relationships" have been chaste and on the other hand I have had... I guess and fairly NT average number of intimate partners... just never more than once i.e. skill building. I had my first intimate contact at 16,but I didn't have my first kiss until... uh... 19? I've been having an issue lately where my reality matrix goes on vacation and I have trouble differentiating between memories and dreams. So if it wasn't then it was when I was 22.
For my most recent kiss her lips were fairly firmly pursed / not open at all which I've been told is the "I guess I have to do something to get rid of you" kiss. She told me "it's ok, you will get better with practice *wink wink" and promptly broke up with me via email. So idk what to make of that. I think that there may have been other factors (especially since she implied that she didn't want standard romance BS and wanted to be straightforward i.e. ITS A TRAP)
I'm still not entirely sure how pecks work, how much if any saliva should there be on my lips or am I just brushing them against her dry?
Does a closed mouth kiss transition into an open mouth kiss? This is what I understood to be the case but I don't understand fully how the coordination would work (if at all)
Why do people want to have closed mouth kisses, they seem boring?
Also, other posts seem to mention petting going on fairly early, as soon as second date O.o is that normal/ expected (I mean, sweet but thats a lot of pressure) Also where do they mean? over/under top/bottom? Also where does this happen? how cautious should I be when alcohol is involved?
Also, when is appropriate / not appropriate to get an erection? I was once intensely flirting with a girl and she... ummm... fondled me? and I had been intentionally suppressing my erection because I was expecting to be rejected (and possibly pepper sprayed) and she was upset that I was not erect. (I'm sorry if these are too specific or graphic but I do not understand what was happening and want similar interactions to flow more smoothly in the future.)
_________________
AQ: 31
Your Aspie score: 135 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
In practice they won't be bone dry. If you're that concerned about making an impression then just make sure they're not chapped.
If you're making out, it does. It helps if your lips are parted to begin with.
Maybe they don't always feel like making out, say if they're in public, or if they're just saying hello or goodbye.
I feel like I'm not an expert at reading body language so I think I should leave this for someone else to answer in detail... But the gist is that the date should have gone very well, the two of you should be alone, and you should be receptive as you can to see if she wants to make out/be petted/spend the night with you...
Erections are to some extent involuntary. You might have one without wanting one. You might want one and not have one. You should hope that the woman you are with is mature enough to be OK with you having an erection if she is touching you. If you are worried about it then refrain from wearing revealing clothing. But just don't be too aggressive...
Short and sweet: try giving a few quick pecks on random face parts (chin, cheeks... ears...) and judge the reaction. Your partner will usually make some sort of sound which will make their feelings obvious. If they like it, try brushing your lips together... If they enjoy it, they will begin to kiss you back.