Need some OKCupid/POF ideas!

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equestriatola
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13 Dec 2013, 4:05 pm

Guys, I am at a quandary here. I've rejoined OKCupid under a new name, and my POF account, well, I haven't done too much with it.

How should I pitch myself?


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starkid
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13 Dec 2013, 4:29 pm

That depends on whom you want to attract.



Eureka13
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13 Dec 2013, 4:33 pm

- Be honest without coming across as needy.
- Try not to describe yourself so that you sound like a Boy Scout or a Golden Retriever. Avoid using terms like honest, trustworthy, loyal, kind, caring, playful, faithful, etc. 99% of the profiles on dating sites use most of those adjectives.
- Think of the ways in which you are unlike most others and play up those characteristics.
- Avoid describing yourself physically in your profile. Wimmenz got eyes, they can see your pictures and decide for themselves if you are attractive to them.

And, above all......

- Show a sense of humor!



equestriatola
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13 Dec 2013, 5:51 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
- Be honest without coming across as needy.
- Try not to describe yourself so that you sound like a Boy Scout or a Golden Retriever. Avoid using terms like honest, trustworthy, loyal, kind, caring, playful, faithful, etc. 99% of the profiles on dating sites use most of those adjectives.
- Think of the ways in which you are unlike most others and play up those characteristics.
- Avoid describing yourself physically in your profile. Wimmenz got eyes, they can see your pictures and decide for themselves if you are attractive to them.

And, above all......

- Show a sense of humor!


How do I go about #2? Just wondering.


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Eureka13
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13 Dec 2013, 6:34 pm

I think all those "good qualities" are things you should be presumed to possess, unless otherwise stated. IMO, it stands out more to talk about things that are possibly different about you. For example, I might say something like "I'm not a great cook, but I haven't poisoned anyone yet." Sounds less arrogant, and adds a touch of humor.

In general, I think it's a good idea to avoid describing yourself - maybe describe your interests instead.



Stalk
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15 Dec 2013, 5:08 am

"I like My little pony and I'm weird, Deal with it! :P"



equestriatola
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15 Dec 2013, 3:39 pm

Stalk wrote:
"I like My little pony and I'm weird, Deal with it! :P"


I also like a lot of other things, ya realize! XD


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equestriatola
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17 Dec 2013, 8:12 pm

Anybody who knows me on these forums 'that' well: How can I pitch myself? I am at a loss for words here.


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OliveOilMom
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17 Dec 2013, 8:24 pm

Say that you are different, but in a good way. That you don't like to play games and you like to know where you stand and you believe being honest with each other is the way to go. Say that you are looking for a relationship but you definitely believe in casual dating at first, so no pressure.

Mention things you enjoy doing yourself, things you think would be fun dates, hobbies that you would like to learn one day.


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equestriatola
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17 Dec 2013, 8:42 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
Say that you are different, but in a good way. That you don't like to play games and you like to know where you stand and you believe being honest with each other is the way to go. Say that you are looking for a relationship but you definitely believe in casual dating at first, so no pressure.

Mention things you enjoy doing yourself, things you think would be fun dates, hobbies that you would like to learn one day.


OK, that's a start. What else?


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OliveOilMom
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17 Dec 2013, 10:21 pm

equestriatola wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Say that you are different, but in a good way. That you don't like to play games and you like to know where you stand and you believe being honest with each other is the way to go. Say that you are looking for a relationship but you definitely believe in casual dating at first, so no pressure.

Mention things you enjoy doing yourself, things you think would be fun dates, hobbies that you would like to learn one day.


OK, that's a start. What else?


No clue. What all do they want you to put there? I'm just thinking of a big personal ad on a computer monitor.


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equestriatola
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17 Dec 2013, 10:37 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
equestriatola wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Say that you are different, but in a good way. That you don't like to play games and you like to know where you stand and you believe being honest with each other is the way to go. Say that you are looking for a relationship but you definitely believe in casual dating at first, so no pressure.

Mention things you enjoy doing yourself, things you think would be fun dates, hobbies that you would like to learn one day.


OK, that's a start. What else?


No clue. What all do they want you to put there? I'm just thinking of a big personal ad on a computer monitor.


Eh, I'll get back to you soon as to what they want.


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buffinator
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18 Dec 2013, 6:43 pm

regardless of whether you are looking for hookups or dating, start low intensity. Be unfocused (I know, right!). Dont get caught up on facts from her or your profile unless it serves as the base for a joke. literally your first 5-20 messages should be jokes, compliments and innuendo in that order with a heavy emphasis on jokes at every stage.

For a specific bit of advice I recommend telling her you are giving her a "point" or "cool point" when she says something funny or cute (not before message 10). This serves as an opening for her to drop you a hint to transition to trading numbers, arranging a date etc.



Yuzu
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18 Dec 2013, 6:55 pm

buffinator wrote:
For a specific bit of advice I recommend telling her you are giving her a "point" or "cool point" when she says something funny or cute (not before message 10). This serves as an opening for her to drop you a hint to transition to trading numbers, arranging a date etc.


Can you explain this a bit further? When she collects enough points she can ask for your number, something like that?



equestriatola
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18 Dec 2013, 7:16 pm

Yuzu wrote:
buffinator wrote:
For a specific bit of advice I recommend telling her you are giving her a "point" or "cool point" when she says something funny or cute (not before message 10). This serves as an opening for her to drop you a hint to transition to trading numbers, arranging a date etc.


Can you explain this a bit further? When she collects enough points she can ask for your number, something like that?


That's what I'd like to know, too.


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buffinator
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18 Dec 2013, 9:46 pm

It breaks the flow of the conversation without seeming abrupt. it's like who's line is it anyway, the points don't matter or mean anything. You are linking an arbitrary value to the content of the conversation i.e. your compatibility.

The specific convo I was in was even more relevant because we were talking about harry potter. She said... erm.. something and I said "I've decided you are cool, + 5 points" she replied with "what else have you decided" which was my cue to ask her out.

I got this idea from googling "dating website banter" or some variation thereof and found a link where a "bro" was explaining how he gets hookups on okcupid. I'm kind of pissed off at how much better his techniques work than the whole "being yourself" thing. The thing that helped my profile more than any other thing was removing all information about myself. I literally replaced every field with a bad joke, and that was the ticket.

It kind of makes sense when you think about it. The fact that you and someone else both like breaking bad doesn't instantly make you BFFs. that info only exists as conversation fodder. If you are the guy, however you are the one responsible for starting and leading the conversation, which means all that having info on your profile does is provide fodder for the girl to find disagreeable.

I don't know how well this appeals to different demographics and it may be off-putting to more serious members. My goal on OKCupid is to have any relationship. If I get into a relationship and screw up I will have better awareness for the next relationship until eventually I can push off screwing up indefinitely.