Moving in Together...........

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My girlfriend and I just found an awesome apartment! We'll be moving in at the end of the month. I've had roommates before (to mixed success) but never actually lived with a significant other. We've practically been living together already for the past 5 months (at each other's houses) but I know it's a very different thing when you have your own place together.

Any tips or things I should be mindful of?

1) Draw up a cleaning rota and stick to it religiously. This will prevent lots of possible opportunities for simmering hostilities/outright arguments

2) Have guests/friends/family round to feed them as often as you can bear it -- it makes all the difference in having a 'good vibe' to the place. Plus, when they finally piss off, you get to re-appreciate having your own pad all over again!

3) Get a pet. A home doesn't feel lived in without an animal's presence, somehow.

4) Do not go out without her, come back steaming drunk, and attempt to piss in the wardrobe. Unlike what you may see on TV ads, this will not make her laugh and roll her eyes in a 'Silly men!' manner. Trust me on this one.

^ lol @ CFD

Talk about everything and have rules for how you handle disagreements so that unforeseen circumstances won't throw you for a loop

You probably already know you can handle living together anyway, it's just about choosing the sofa cushions now - the most dangerous part!

Just make sure that you re-check your assumptions on the regular basis and agree to re-negotiate how to share time/space every so often - so nobody has to sit and stew in unhappiness because of "I thought we agreed that..."

If you haven't already done so, sit down together and have a frank talk about how you each handle money, bills, paying the rent, and how you plan to do these together now instead of separately.

More sh*t hits the fan about different "money styles" in a couple than pretty much anything else. If one of you is a saver and is diligent about paying bills on time, budgeting enough for the rent, etc, while the other is loosey-goosey, overspends, let's due dates slip past unnoticed, and makes a big purchase the same week as the rent is due, there are going to be problems bigtime. I know because my marriage was like that -- I'm now divorced! My ex's budgeting style -- or lack of it -- scared the crap out of me and we were always broke and scrambling to pay bills. I don't like to live that way, and by myself I don't let it happen.

Also, figure out who pays which bills or if you split it, or do alternate months, etc. All these tiny practical details need to be ironed out so that there is no confusion, no "I thought YOU were going to...."

Figure out if you're going to have a joint account for bills and rent that you both pay into from your existing separate bank accounts, or just keep what you've each got.

I second the similar advice about figuring out who cleans what and when. A lot of resentment builds with this kind of stuff too.

It's good that you guys have already spent so much time at each others' places that it's similar to living together. It's just that you never really know what it's really going to be like actually sharing a home as a couple and sharing all the responsibilities and duties for one home.

Good luck -- just talk a lot about practical expectations. Don't go in blind and thinking you'll just figure it all out as you go.


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There's a TV advert featuring a drunk man pissing in a wardrobe! I thought that just happened in real life!

Aside from household chores, I'd recommend that you sort out your respective financial responsibilities/contributions early on.

God yes, finances. Recommend you open a joint account (but keep your own accounts open too) and use this joint account to put money in to keep the electricity/water/gas flowing, as well as using it for general shopping (groceries, I'm thinking). And if you have some left over, see if you can get a cheap holiday out of it. Not sure what your income/s are like, so only you two can decide what constitutes a 'fair share' of your respective incomes to put in the pot.

Be very wary of linking your finances 100 per cent until you are at least 70 years old.

Also, get a toilet without a lid. This will save more trouble in the long run than you can possibly imagine.

Good luck.

I have no idea what tips to give.

Wow. Big steporama.

First of all - many men make the mistake of equating moving in together = sex on tap. Do not make this mistake. Not saying you would, but many twentysomething males make this connection when they move in with a beau, and find that reality isn't just like that all the time.

Do your fair share of chores, and vice versa. Start off and get into the habits early on.

You will both need space in different times, in different ways. Whatever happens, keep communicating - and learn when to shut up!

Find a good way of diffusing any arguments and tensions. Most people suck at this.

When you start seeing things differently, and trying to enact the 'Pygmalion project' on each other, remember what you have in common, and what you first liked about each other.

Many men (as did I, stupidly) think the relationship is 'set up' when you move in together. It's not - it's still progressing. Don't get too comfortable, or too lazy. You seem like a self-improver, so just keep on slowly improving the relationship.

Last edited by octobertiger on 03 Dec 2013, 12:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

So, so true.

Also, do not point at your morning glory and then suggest to your girlfriend, who is bunged up with cold or otherwise doesn't seem in a mood that "it would be a shame to waste it"

Hahaha.

Harketh the cold blast of experience.

Also do note that 'inadvertently' rubbing said appendage against the rump of a half-sleepy partner is not going to put her in said mood.

Get your own room if it's a two-bedroom apartment or more. I honestly couldn't stand sharing a bedroom with somebody for an extended-period even if it's a significant other...

You've never met my partner.........



Again, the gender roles would be reversed here in our instance.

She's the one that wants sex on tap. Being able to be naked and do it anytime was one of the selling points for her. If it were all up to her nothing productive would ever get done.


I will have a home office/den I can retreat to if I need alone time. Unlike previous partners, I sleep fine sharing a bed with her. It's part of what made me realize this could work.

Learning when to shut up and swallow your pride is one of the best skills one can learn in any interpersonal relationship. I'll admit to being slightly nervous. We've never had a real fight before but we know it will happen eventually. Also, both of us are Aspies with OCD tendencies so it's also pretty much a forgone conclusion that any fight we do have will be ridiculous, confusing and overblown.



Seems like I'm on the right track then. Being open to Re-checking assumptions is great advice! I'll definetly discuss that with her!

Last edited by Geekonychus on 03 Dec 2013, 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Our financial situation is solid although we aren't rich by any means but we have occasional weekends in NYC or New England roadtrips. Propably won't comingle our finances for a while though. I tend to pick up the slack (grocieries and stuff) when she's tight on cash and vice-versa. Very egalitarian.

Also, the second part is a non issue. I'm a firm believer that if you can't remember to put the toilet seat down, then you don't deserve the privilege of peeing standing up in the first place. Exponentially so if you use the wardrobe instead.

What's the issue with the toilet seat thing? Is this some silly American thing or what? I have never heard of such trivial thing being a problem between couples over here nor I have even witnessed with my parents nor with my grandparents I have lived with for a short while nor with any close relative couples I know. Are your ladies incapable of seeing the toilet seat before sitting on it? :-/ When I go to WC I simply lift the seat up if it's closed, it's simple.

Seriously is this a western thing or a generational thing? maybe the smartphones are to be blamed? Making girls sitting on the toilet without even glancing on it before? lolol I am seriously not getting the issue which seems so popular here, feeling totally alien about it.

Now studies say that it's healthier to close the lid before flushing but I am sure this argument I am keeping seeing here isn't based on this because it's about the seat, not the lid.

If you are that egalitarian, then why she wouldn't be more considerate of YOUR pissing needs and return the seat up? TROLOLOLOL - I am not kidding tho, I am serious, this is totally ridiculous.

ikr, It literally takes chicks a half-second to put the seat down. I guess that's too time-consuming. lol