How to tell Velcroman I'm not interested?

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Hi everyone,

My name is Rosemary and I have high functioning autism. However, it's something that has been contained to my immediate family. I'm very involved in clubs and organizations on my college campus, and I rely on my full-ride scholarship to receive my education. I don't want rumor spreading that I have high functioning autism, because then I'm afraid people wouldn't respect me in my leadership positions, I would be shunned by my peers, and would eventually lose my scholarship.
That being said, the real reason I'm in this discussion forum: there is this guy from my College Statistics class last summer. He's 22 (I'm 18 ), lives on his own (I live with my parents), smokes cigarettes and drinks beer (I'm committed to lifelong sobriety), and doesn't really have a steady career plan (I've known I wanted to be a college Business Professor since I was six years old). In short: I'm just plain not interested. However, he sat right next to me in Statistics and we do have a few things in common that he tended to elaborate on. He lent me a book to read (I didn't really get that it was some sort of romantic social paradigm until I recently read The Faults in our Stars - now I realize that was Mistake #1). He would walk with me as we left class, and that went on for about half of the semester. I remained completely oblivious to the fact that he wanted some sort of relationship.
Then, about a month from the end of class, he asked me to meet him for coffee and lunch that weekend. I choked, mumbled something along the line of "schedule" and basically dove out the nearest fire escape. I suffered through four more weeks of sitting silently next to him in class, then thought the whole awkward thing would finally be over. Not!
He found me on Facebook a few days ago and asked how I am. It's been six months!! ! I told him that I graduated with my AA, am now working on my BAS, and now have a job as a substitute teacher. He said congratulations, then engaged in this inevitable: do you have any plans this weekend (yes, in fact, I was going to a leadership conference with the college honors program), do you think we could do coffee and lunch, and is there any way we can text. This guy just doesn't get it.
Please, I could use some help. I've never had any sort of romantic interests before and would prefer to keep it that way. How can I tell this person that I'm just not interested without being rude, provoking further awkward conversation, and risking my position on campus? I can't read people at all and I'm terrified of conversation to boot, so it would help if anyone else like me has ever been in this situation before.

"I'm sorry, I'm not interested".

I don't get why people find this so complicated.

I don't know, dating a superhero might be pretty cool. Although having skin made out of velcro might have disadvantages. Unless it's the hard side with the hooks instead of the fuzzy stuff it attaches to.

What doesn't he get? You haven't actually told him. Men can't read minds.

Tell him you like him as a person but you just don't like him in that way. If he tells people a whole lot of bollocks about you it's going to reflect worse on him than you.

Thanks, everyone! I realize I was getting really worked up about something that is actually quite normal. It's just never happened to me before... I finally got up the nerve to politely tell him. It's quite a relief, actually!

Yes, that would actually be quite awesome. Velcroman would probably "stick" up for his girlfriend... And be an impromptu back-scratcher.

Seriously?


I'm shocked that you were brave enough to sneak in here and interact with the rest of us losers. Someone might recognize the description of your situation and you'd be ruined.

tell him specifically: srry dude I'm not interested sorry If you were receiving mixed signals I was just being polite and friendly with my classmate and didn't intend anything outside of school to come from it.

if he contacts you again block/unfriend his ass and for the love of god don't give him any personal info eg. phone, address, workplace, schedule info.

I don't think you should be offended by people who want complete secrecy. It seems to be pretty common on here. I don't really get it, but I respect those who choose that lifestyle.

"velcroman"?

I second this. I would be immediately fired if my employed knew for certain I had autism. I've been working here for 3 years and while by now they have to have picked up on the signs, so I suspect they "know" but are looking the other way. However it would be illegal for them to ignore and official diagnosis as per state law, so it's important to keep it at rumor level or below.

what do you do that they would have to fire you for having aspergers??

From the title I was expecting "Velcroman" to be the username of a Wrongplanet user, but apparently he isn't. You mention this "Velcroman" in your title but then do not mention it again in your post. Who exactly is this "Velcroman?" I can't see how your title relates to your post.

Ok, problem solved.

Ironically I care for an individual with autism. As I understand it either the insurer or state law prohibits individuals with various kinds of thought-pattern-altering brain disorders from being in positions of public trust and responsibility.

So for example a police officer diagnosed with PTSD is required to be terminated and barred from carrying the badge/gun ever again. This is part of the reason they will not seek treatment/ become alcoholics/ seem to be complete f*****g as*holes: because they know if they get help they will starve. Almost half of the 9/11 responders came back and lost their jobs due to PTSD, that's why there is a deluge of young cops and firefighters right now and a dearth of experienced ones: they all got fired.

As an Aspie, you have a gift... you are outside of the social contract... tell him - "Please drop this subject... I am not interested and you are making me comfortable"