What do the ladies think?

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What are some negative meanings to putting a male friend into the "friendzone"? I mean I kept asking a girl because I just couldn't understand why I got "maybe" unless she didn't want to outright reject me and hurt me (which backfired stupendously when new bf showed up). She never made me stop liking her either for some reason and knew I liked her but wouldn't in my mind let me off the hook. All my other female friends have made it very clear I was in the friendzone and I got over my feelings for them after a while if I had any which was only occasionally. So what are some negatives to the word friendzone in the context of close friends? Give me as many as you can think up please. It should be noted she considered us to be close friends and we spent a lot of time together doing things honestly female friends of mine have never done or discussed. Example talking on the phone while she falls asleep listening to me, later to be explained as "for the emotion" and later explained as a mistake when confronted with just what emotions a friend causes then. Might just be that she's that much different from them.

Separate question, what do you think of having a male friend like you when you just want to be friends?
Is this something that is acceptable and doable? I mean I've always cut off the women who aren't interested in me once I knew.

I realize she has no interest in me and never will. I just don't understand why she wouldn't let me off the hook when I clearly asked to be.

It seems to me like she wanted your attention while she had no boyfriend but didn't want to commit. She led you on basically. And that phone thing doesn't sound like a fried thing to me. If my husband was behaving like that with a female friend I would consider it cheating.

accidentally quoted myself sorry

Last edited by Rabbers on 06 Jan 2014, 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Before I answer...

If you don't mind sharing some insight from the other side: From the male's perspective, what are some negative meanings of putting a female friend into the "friendzone"?

And how long have you known this female friend?

Nearly 3 years. For me? I'd be afraid of hurting her. I'd be afraid to give up something that might be truly wonderful one day when we're older. I'd lose the friend completely and have to be without them entirely. That's what comes to mind

That's just it she had a boyfriend for over a year while I knew her. In fact two of those years.

Well I feel sorry for her bf as well then - sounds like she was stringing you both along while she made her mind up.
To answer your other question I've had close platonic male friends when I've been single but not since I've been married. I know some people can and do but it would seem wrong to me. I would be wary of giving anyone the wrong idea I was interested in them other than as a friend.

I, for one, am really annoyed that it seems impossible to have male friends past the age of 4 without yourself, them or other people wondering/asking if he is your boyfriend.


I like guys. I like being friends with guys. JUST friends. I like being friends with gals/women too. I don't tell people IRL that I am bisexual because I don't want women to suddenly stop being friends with me.

I just like being friends with people, mostly. Sex..meh

For me, if a guy gets "friendzoned" it's most likely because I have no physical chemistry for him. That's something that won't usually change over time, although it has happened once or twice.

Having said that, I do want to be "friends" with someone before I get "involved" with them, in the sense that I want to spend enough time exploring the intellectual and spiritual connections before I start exploring the emotional and physical connections. But usually, I know pretty quickly if I'm physically attracted to them or not....

Well if I lost this weight like I'm trying most women do find me attractive, especially my dimples. I can't gauge what she does or doesn't see in me as far as being attractive not sure what signs I could look for. Thing is she has brought sexuality beyond just teasing into it before which makes me think she is atleast a little attracted and yes this was after being friends for a long time. Part of the problem for me in reading her is she's 3,000 miles away from me. Trying to initiate phone sex when drunk. I've read that women don't do this sort of thing even when they are drunk she certainly never tried anything like that after I didn't play along. I mean do women discuss their grooming habits and whether they sleep naked or not with men that are just seen as friends? I didn't ask her to bring these things up she just did for several months while in her last relationship she kept bringing it up and just stopped one day.

I had a reply all figured out until you said:

Trying to initiate phone sex when drunk. [/quote]

That crosses a line right there. There are some things you just don't do with friends. That's one of them.

In other words, it's not you, it's her.

I'd say that a lot of awkward or autistic men who get "friend zoned" end up there because women feel positive enough about them to be friends, but don't want the burden that would come with anything more involved. It's like finding a puppy with Down's Syndrome at the animal shelter. You sincerely hope that somebody adopts it and gives it the special care that it's going to require, but you don't want to have that burden in your life (and you also don't want anyone to know that's why you didn't adopt it, because they might judge you).

That crosses a line right there. There are some things you just don't do with friends. That's one of them.

In other words, it's not you, it's her.[/quote]

^^Agree. I would have to say that she likes having you "on the hook." Someone who possibly supplies the parts of a relationship that she's not getting from her BF ... like "strokes" and "validation" or even just flirtation. Honestly, I've found there are a lot of people - male and female - who have to have the constant ego boost. From any source. Since doing the online dating thing, I've even found there are a lot of people - again, male and female - on the dating sites that are in a relationship (of some kind or another) but keep their profile active just so they keep getting "attention." Call it an addiction, if you like.

^^Agree. I would have to say that she likes having you "on the hook." Someone who possibly supplies the parts of a relationship that she's not getting from her BF ... like "strokes" and "validation" or even just flirtation. Honestly, I've found there are a lot of people - male and female - who have to have the constant ego boost. From any source. Since doing the online dating thing, I've even found there are a lot of people - again, male and female - on the dating sites that are in a relationship (of some kind or another) but keep their profile active just so they keep getting "attention." Call it an addiction, if you like.[/quote]

the bold bit. so true. Also, phone sex or any sort of sexual joking with a friend (unless said friend is a confirmed homo) is not a done thing.

I am really confused by this (and the whole thread TBH but let's start here ).

You are saying that by being friends with a female (who you don't currently wish to be in a relationship with) instead of cutting them off completely, that you are afraid you have "given something up" and would "lose the friend completely"? Isn't that just the opposite? Isn't that what happens when you cut them off?

I'm saying if I put a girl in the friendzone openly I would be burning any future chance I might have if my feelings changed, only applies to women I find attractive but have no romantic feelings for. Such as too young, too flaky, too whatever. People change, I know I do all the time. If I like them around and find them attractive doesn't mean I want to date. Lose out completely means I burned the bridge no going back. And if you turn me down in person my usual response is to stop interacting with you at all. Hence losing the friend.