OKCupid - is it bad to talk if not interested?

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JBO
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12 Jan 2014, 9:13 pm

Is it considered leading someone on if you respond to their messages and keep a conversation going even if you aren't interested in them?

I have a reference on my profile that kind of compels a lot of people to message me, too, and I don't know if or to what extent I should respond if I'm not interested. A lot of the people are great to talk to and we have good conversations but I'm not physically attracted...



Deuterium
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12 Jan 2014, 9:23 pm

If you are only interested in potential romances then continuing communication with someone who obviously cannot fill this desire seems like a bad idea; however, if you are okay knowing people simply as friends with a common interest or general synergy in personalities then it doesn't seem wrong. You may, however, want to be aware of signals being sent to you that they think you're interested in them as such, and of things you may say that they may perceive as signals in return.

How to be aware of those things, however, is beyond me. I would probably just tell them that you don't feel there is romantic compatibility but that there could be friendship compatibility, if that is the case; though if they are NT they may just be scared by such directness (as seems to be a common reaction).



aspiemike
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12 Jan 2014, 9:38 pm

If you're not interested in getting to know someone, then you have the choice to be silent, or tell them directly. The choice is yours. Mind you, the majority of women will never give a reply.


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TheGoggles
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13 Jan 2014, 12:18 am

I always reply and let the conversation peter out on its own. That way my profile says "Responds often" so it looks like people are actually sending me messages.



Stalk
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13 Jan 2014, 3:14 am

aspiemike wrote:
If you're not interested in getting to know someone, then you have the choice to be silent, or tell them directly. The choice is yours. Mind you, the majority of women will never give a reply.


thank you.



yellowtamarin
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13 Jan 2014, 3:26 am

If 'new friends' is listed in your Looking For section then I would say it's fine.

I'm not sure how people manage on the site if they are looking for friends and/or dating, though. Ultra confusing for everyone IMO. I've left the 'new friends' out of my profile, and I wouldn't reply to someone I wasn't interested in, even if it seemed like we could have a good convo.



Ilovemyaspiegirl
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13 Jan 2014, 3:57 am

JBO wrote:
Is it considered leading someone on if you respond to their messages and keep a conversation going even if you aren't interested in them?

I have a reference on my profile that kind of compels a lot of people to message me, too, and I don't know if or to what extent I should respond if I'm not interested. A lot of the people are great to talk to and we have good conversations but I'm not physically attracted...


If you want to be sure that you're not leading someone on, I would suggest just simply putting it out there. Tell the person that you enjoy his/her conversations on a friendship (or whatever) basis but that your nit romantically interested in them.

I've been on both sides of this dilemma and have learned the hard was it's best to be honest and upfront from the moment you realize your feelings are leaning a certain way or that the other person's feelings are.

HTH



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Jan 2014, 6:37 am

Women do it all the time with us, so do it yourself. Don't reply the ones you don't like or in case you already started a convo just go silent.



thewhitrbbit
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13 Jan 2014, 9:33 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Women do it all the time with us, so do it yourself. Don't reply the ones you don't like or in case you already started a convo just go silent.


Don't stoop to their level.



warsend
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13 Jan 2014, 7:59 pm

Well, I wasn't on OKC for a couple days and some girl messaged me (I think it was a person either lurking or posting on here, she was 2 states away from me, if you are reading this I apologize). I was gonna respond but found out I got blocked. I ignore, I get blocked, which isn't the end of the world, though I feel bad. If I respond, they think i'm interested. Lose-lose situation sometimes.



KingofKaboom
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13 Jan 2014, 8:56 pm

Don't reply if you aren't interested. Simple clear message. If you want a friend make that clear immediately.


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