Second Thoughts about a New Girlfriend

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I've been seeing this girl for over a month by now. Since I'll be celebrating Valentine's Day with her, it's safe to say that she's my girlfriend, I guess. Although I'm very glad to finally have a romantic relationship (after never having one for 23 years), I'm also shocked that I'm not as thrilled as I "should be". Namely, I'm having second thoughts about the relationship. I find myself thinking: "Meh, should I really pursue a long-term relationship? It's a lot of responsibility, with spending time with her regularly, the phone calls, the presents, the disagreements, bringing her along when you go places, introducing her to friends and family, worrying about her dumping me, etc, etc, etc." The fact that she's somewhat plain-looking doesn't bother me; she's a great person, and fun to be around. It's all those "maintenance" things in the relationship that make me have second thoughts, even though they're worth it in the long run.

Those of you who have been in the same situation as I have (and by the way, congratulations on finding your first girlfriend), can you help me resolve all this? How did you resolve it, and how did things turn out? Any responses will be appreciated. This is very important for me to figure out.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 12 Feb 2007, 12:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

my advice based on experience is to just go with it and let things play out.

I was in a similar situation myself with my second girlfriend (who was an Aspie, BTW). I had to maintain that relationship *and* deal with work and school, and I found myself only getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night because of all the things I had to do.

She and I broke up because were virtually exact opposites, except for being Aspies.

Tim

As long as the effort involved in maintaining it is shared, keep at it. If it gets to be all left on your shoulders, then start wondering if it is worthwhile. If this is very important to you, as you put it, then stay the course for the time being.

yeah.

what Shade said.

Thanks for the replies so far. I should have probably made the description of maintenance clearer. It's not just calling her and stuff, but the prospect of actually having a relationship. After all, I'm pioneering a completely uncharted territory, like Lewis and Clark, and not all "discoveries" I'm making are like I imagined them. So I'm sure most of you can understand what's going on in my mind about this whole thing.

um ... I was going to say that if you turn your back on experiences the Universe puts in your path ... erm ... maybe it's easier to say, y'know about Jonah? Whatever governs happenstance will chase you till you give in, or until you crash and give in, whichever comes first. Learn what you can with it, grow, and move on.

I believe that's the right answer, but I have to admit I don't know if I would have the courage to do it.

It is natural to be afraid of the unknown. (No, not Unknown, THE unknown.) I've yet to actively start a relationship. I've been in a couple (1.5 if you've seen the corresponding thread) and both (or the one and a half) were initiated by the woman (or girl...ok, now I'm just being stupid about trying to cover all my bases).

It's ok to be afraid, or uncomfortable. Just don't let that be the sole cause of something that is seemingly good going down the toilet.

if you can find your soulmate i believe a relationship would be fun everyday.

Even if you find the perfect partner, a quality always relationship requires hard work. There is no getting around that. Only difference is that it would feel less like work.