What will it take for me to find love?

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equestriatola
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28 Dec 2013, 10:27 am

Lately, with my sister having gotten married, and I am still all by myself @ 26, I have been pessimistic that I will EVER find love because of who I am (always fumbling things like Homer Simpson, and as I've said before, he actually has gotten in trouble at times for his actions): A social mess. But here are some of the comments I have gotten from friends of mine:

Quote:
So not true, Johnny! You will find yourself an amazing woman as soon as you aren't looking. Just keep being yourself and things will fall in to place as they are meant to. be happy!


Quote:
Don't say that. Some day you will find the right girl that appreciates you for who you are. I have known you for longer than most people I know. You have a huge heart and a compassionate attitude. You will find her. Have faith.


Quote:
My dear cousin-you were created with an amazing personality and mind that would draw in the most amazing and famous of women. You are a gold mine! Any women would be lucky to have you, even 5 minutes of your time would be a privilege. A women who thinks otherwise, well she is lacking personality not to mention any kind of intelligence which will do nothing for you. She is out there.
-- it's just not your time. The Lord did not intend for us to live our lives in solitary-and you, you won't. When you least expect it, you will turn around and there she will be. More amazing than you would have ever imagined. The Lord is not saving you for ordinary, He has great things for you and you must have a great partner to accomplish those things. Patience....we move forward on His time. It will happen for you.


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Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.... You light up a room the minute you walk into it, your smile could melt Scrooge's heart, your humor is above most people's reach of intelligence and your heart is SO big, I wish more people could be like you. Have patience and faith, hon. Your cousinis wise and worded it perfectly. Those people who don't give you the time of day are not worth your time any day.


Guys, I ask you all this: Given who I am, what will it take me to find that woman in my life? I don't want to end up like Tom Hiddleston or Benedict Cumberbatch (they're older than me [I'm 26 as of now] and they are both unmarried.....)......

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt247775.html - It would also help if you read the initial post I made here as well, to give you an idea as to why I'm cursed when it comes to love.


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Prof_Pretorius
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28 Dec 2013, 11:00 am

First of all, quit concentrating on the negatives. I felt the same way at your age, and ended up marrying a wonderful woman.
The thing that most ASpie guys won't do, is try and act like NT guys. Good grooming counts for a lot with the ladies. You have to dress the part, even if you can't act the part. If you have any foibles about clothing, and/or hairstyles, give them up.
Being in a small town is difficult, but there has to some way to get to a larger town or city.
You have to be assertive when meeting suitable women, and not miss the chance. You also have to give up the idea that you have a "type" of woman who attracts you. If a woman shows interest, reflect that interest even if she's not the ideal physical "type".


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equestriatola
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28 Dec 2013, 11:02 am

Prof_Pretorius wrote:
First of all, quit concentrating on the negatives. I felt the same way at your age, and ended up marrying a wonderful woman.
The thing that most ASpie guys won't do, is try and act like NT guys. Good grooming counts for a lot with the ladies. You have to dress the part, even if you can't act the part. If you have any foibles about clothing, and/or hairstyles, give them up.
Being in a small town is difficult, but there has to some way to get to a larger town or city.
You have to be assertive when meeting suitable women, and not miss the chance. You also have to give up the idea that you have a "type" of woman who attracts you. If a woman shows interest, reflect that interest even if she's not the ideal physical "type".


I see. I hope luck can come my way! :D


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billiscool
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28 Dec 2013, 12:12 pm

even if you do get a girlfriend,could you make it last?



MadeUnderground
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28 Dec 2013, 12:30 pm

I don't know what it will take.

I guess the question is what are you willing to do?

When I was waiting (or looking) for love during my lonely years (16-18 ), I decided to look in on myself.
I worked on myself so that I knew that I had something to bring to the dating table. I'm sure I had stuff to bring to begin with but it never hurt to work on myself.

I worked on my social skills. I worked on my ability to talk to strangers (which at the beginning of the endeavor was like nil). I worked on my give and take in conversations. I worked on my body language, my facial expressions. I worked on the way that I dressed and my hygiene. I worked on my health.

So by the end of those two years I had

1. Gained the ability to walk up and talk to anyone, anywhere. Whether the person was in groups, whether it was a drop dead gorgeous woman or some elderly man. I could have good give and take conversations. I also could pick up on whether they wanted to continue talking to me or not because some people just don't want to be bothered and so you leave them alone.

2. Dressed well, but not far off from the way I used to dress - I didn't want to change myself but I wasn't going to be walking around the place with that big ole bleach stain on my shirt, you know? Just stuff that had no stains, clean, fit nicely, smelled good, etc.

3. I had lost weight so that helped with the dressing well and made me feel better about myself and the way I looked. I smiled a lot more. I was just happier in general so that helped everything.

4. Practicing on my own body language and facial expressions made it easier for me to determine what other people were trying to communicate to me. Even if their lips said one thing, the body may disagree.

By the end of this, it was easier for me to meet people. And there was no designated place. If I had to go to the gas station to get gas, then I'd go in and talk to the people inside when I paid. If I wanted to go get a coffee or rent a movie at the video store, I'd talk to the people inside when I was doing my business.
My point is there doesn't need to be a place where you go out and meet people. You can meet people anywhere - you just have to keep your body language open and look around and notice the body language of those around you.
I personally hate clubs, bars, or any place that's loud, has lots of intoxicated people and people go there for the most part just to hook up or meet someone. I've never met anyone from there, but that's also because I don't go there. I don't feel comfortable there and I'm not going to suddenly start going just to meet someone, because chances are the people you meet there are just going to be for casual sex or regular hooking up.



goldfish21
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28 Dec 2013, 3:39 pm

Stop looking for love and focus your time and energy on making yourself more attractive. work on your attitude, health, fitness, social skills, mindset etc etc & the happier and healthier you get, the more attractive you'll become to others, and then things will just happen for you when you least expect it. Trying to find someone while you're not the most attractive catch you can be is just an exercise in frustration. So, stop that & refocus yourself on yourself for as long as it takes. Months, years, doesn't matter - you'll be a happier healthier more attractive you for it.

It's a bit cliche, this advice, but it's true and it works. we've all heard it before. I didn't really fully get it until I took notice of a friend doing the same for himself over a period of a couple years, then decided to start doing it for myself. I'm healthier, stronger, fitter, happier, feeling better etc etc and in turn it's attracting others all the while I haven't really put any effort into seeking someone. I still haven't attracted someone I want yet, but meh, I'm not so concerned with that anymore.. I'm still focused on self improvement, and in due time I'll meet someone I want to be with, or better yet the one I want to be with will be attracted to me.


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Stargazer43
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28 Dec 2013, 5:14 pm

It will take the same thing for you as it takes for everyone: a little bit of luck, a little bit of hard work/dedication.



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Dec 2013, 5:17 pm

Look at your sister's husband, what do you see?



equestriatola
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28 Dec 2013, 5:27 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Look at your sister's husband, what do you see?


I donno, but on an unrelated note, once I finally do move to Los Angeles, I am staying there, never to return to the Seattle area.


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TheDoctor82
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28 Dec 2013, 7:12 pm

Kiddo, I broke up with my ex at age 30, just a few months shy of turning 31. I'm gonna be 32 in March.

I'm single, no kids.

I'm focusing on bettering my own life; despite being lonely and a little frustrated over difficulty in interacting well with the opposite sex, I'm gonna do what I always do, and just focus on living my life and enjoying every moment of it.

When the right one comes along, I'll be ready for 'er.

Don't put too much focus on it; it gives off an air of desperation, and....we kinda already turn people off as it is having the general appeal of a child molestor/registered sex offender; adding desperation to the mix doesn't help any.

Just be you, enjoy life, and the right one will come naturally. :)



equestriatola
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28 Dec 2013, 8:54 pm

So what other things in life should I be focusing on?


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28 Dec 2013, 9:09 pm

equestriatola wrote:
So what other things in life should I be focusing on?


Well, I'm under the impression that you don't eat, sleep, and breath the world of dating.

I'm sure you have things you enjoy doing, things you have to do on a daily basis; translation: a life

Live it. When the right comes along, they will simply make the experience even better :)



equestriatola
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29 Dec 2013, 1:06 am

I will admit right now I have a thing for a couple of people I know online (not saying who, though).......


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29 Dec 2013, 1:41 am

equestriatola wrote:
I will admit right now I have a thing for a couple of people I know online (not saying who, though).......


Just tell them, it worked for me. (Although I'm going through some severely rough waters now...)


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equestriatola
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29 Dec 2013, 1:44 am

^ I'll try my best. :D


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29 Dec 2013, 1:47 am

equestriatola wrote:
^ I'll try my best. :D


I can't tell for if it works for Aspie/NT relationships - but it certainly seems better than just 'dropping hints' in an Aspie/Aspie relationship (Mostly because they probably won't find them anyway.)


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