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Jamesy
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24 Jan 2014, 12:27 pm

I usually do not date or pursue girls who i am not physically attracted too. Sorry to sound like a jerk but that is just the way I am. I am quite nice looking myself and can be quite picky :(


I was talking with my mum about about the fact that i would not date a girl who's personality or physical appearence i wss not attracted too and she said to me "well some people are willing to compromise when comes to dating". And she also said to me once "you going to have to get used to the idea that you might have to start going out with people that you don't like"


In more depth what is my mum trying to say about me with those comments?



StatsNerd
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24 Jan 2014, 12:35 pm

No one is perfect.



Jamesy
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24 Jan 2014, 12:42 pm

StatsNerd wrote:
No one is perfect.



All I want is a nice sweet ordinary girl yet I seem too attract women who look like men that have been in prison, addicted to drugs, loud mouth personality and have mental health problems.



leafplant
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24 Jan 2014, 1:11 pm

Jamesy wrote:
StatsNerd wrote:
No one is perfect.



All I want is a nice sweet ordinary girl yet I seem too attract women who look like men that have been in prison, addicted to drugs, loud mouth personality and have mental health problems.


Attraction is a weird business. I am also like you - I have compromised in the past and always regretted it. however, you may have to accept that those girls you find attractive may not be attracted to you - perhaps this is what your mother was alluding to - that if you want to have a relationship at any cost, you may have to settle for someone who is not your ideal choice



Jamesy
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24 Jan 2014, 1:59 pm

leafplant wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
StatsNerd wrote:
No one is perfect.



All I want is a nice sweet ordinary girl yet I seem too attract women who look like men that have been in prison, addicted to drugs, loud mouth personality and have mental health problems.


Attraction is a weird business. I am also like you - I have compromised in the past and always regretted it. however, you may have to accept that those girls you find attractive may not be attracted to you - perhaps this is what your mother was alluding to - that if you want to have a relationship at any cost, you may have to settle for someone who is not your ideal choice




So you saying then I should date psychos and forget about the nice down to earth girls? Because the last girl who chased after me had a history of drug addiction and has been in jail.



StatsNerd
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24 Jan 2014, 2:08 pm

Jamesy wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
StatsNerd wrote:
No one is perfect.



All I want is a nice sweet ordinary girl yet I seem too attract women who look like men that have been in prison, addicted to drugs, loud mouth personality and have mental health problems.


Attraction is a weird business. I am also like you - I have compromised in the past and always regretted it. however, you may have to accept that those girls you find attractive may not be attracted to you - perhaps this is what your mother was alluding to - that if you want to have a relationship at any cost, you may have to settle for someone who is not your ideal choice




So you saying then I should date psychos and forget about the nice down to earth girls? Because the last girl who chased after me had a history of drug addiction and has been in jail.


In your first post, you spoke exclusively about physical attraction, in that you wanted. Now you are speaking about mental stability. Let's keep them separate. There are plenty of nice, normal, non-psychotic girls who may not be exactly what you want in terms of physical attraction; that may be what your mother was referring to.



leafplant
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24 Jan 2014, 2:13 pm

Jamesy wrote:
leafplant wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
StatsNerd wrote:
No one is perfect.



All I want is a nice sweet ordinary girl yet I seem too attract women who look like men that have been in prison, addicted to drugs, loud mouth personality and have mental health problems.


Attraction is a weird business. I am also like you - I have compromised in the past and always regretted it. however, you may have to accept that those girls you find attractive may not be attracted to you - perhaps this is what your mother was alluding to - that if you want to have a relationship at any cost, you may have to settle for someone who is not your ideal choice




So you saying then I should date psychos and forget about the nice down to earth girls? Because the last girl who chased after me had a history of drug addiction and has been in jail.


No, I am not saying anything. It's your life, do whatever you like.



hyksos55
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24 Jan 2014, 2:31 pm

If your expectations are reasonable then don’t compromise; wait for the right one.


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thewhitrbbit
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24 Jan 2014, 3:22 pm

What she's saying can be taken a couple ways but I would consider it this:

Take a chance on someone your on the fence about.



TheGoggles
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24 Jan 2014, 3:42 pm

Sounds like a wicked ice burn to me.



StarCity
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26 Jan 2014, 3:31 pm

Jamesy wrote:
I was talking with my mum ..... and she said to me "well some people are willing to compromise when comes to dating". And she also said to me once "you going to have to get used to the idea that you might have to start going out with people that you don't like"
In more depth what is my mum trying to say about me with those comments?


Maybe your Mum is desperate for you to meet someone.
My own Mum is like that because as she is 66 years old she is worried that when she has died that I won't have anyone of my own. She knows that I have lots of aquaitances but she would like to to meet someone special.


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We can either try to "fit in" with the rest of society, or we can be so egocentric that we can't be bothered.
I choose the actor. I observe NT's. I listen to their socializing. I practice it, so in social situations I can just emulate/mimic what is expected.
It isn't natural for me, but it enables me to "fit in".
It is VERY tiring and draining, but at least we can appear like them even though it is an act. Like being on the stage.
They can't see it is emulation, and so we are accepted.


The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Jan 2014, 4:38 pm

Your mom was thinking of you like a stranger woman back in that time.

She doesn't...really think that you can afford to be even slightly picky.



Herman
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26 Jan 2014, 10:45 pm

Well it all depends if your desire to be with someone is greater than the desire to be with the 'right' someone.

My dearth of relationships has been down to not finding the right person/s, I could not care less about girls who are conventionally physically attractive but do not possess the character I like, but I do obviously appreciate good physical features and thought myself incredibly fussy. As my life progressed I learnt my combination of 'demands' was exceptionally rare, never even finding anyone with the character part to be friends with. But in 2013 I became a lot more outgoing and by strange luck met 3 girls I would be eager to have a relationship with.
I learnt some things that surprised me a lot. First that these exciting genuine people with wonderful characters that I am instantly 'in love' with at least as a friend - exist. Next, that the feeling seems to be mutual. And third, that my extremely particular and fussy demands for physical appearance went out of the window. I become largely blind to appearance when someone has such good character. One of these girls, before I got talking to her - I had written her off as 'ugly', in fact with features I found repulsive. But soon as I got to know her, a switch flipped and I went crazy for her, and thought she looked brilliant. Another of this three is actually conventionally very good looking, model material. And this actually put me off! as it had connotations of character traits I despise, but as I got to know her I quickly realised she is the best person I have met in my life, and she likes me at least as very close friend too. But alas, she is a thousand miles away and the situation is complex. But I am going to visit and we will see what happens.

You can see how awkward my life is, and the lengths I have to/will go to for the sake of nurturing potential relationships. If girls you like are attainable and available, even if not frequently. I would consider yourself lucky! I dont see the need for settling with people you dont like, I dont even see how that would work without faking the whole relationship.