LDR with an Aspie female, advice?

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First off I want to say thanks to all those who take the time to create topics and share experiences in all sorts of different situations. What I have learned has helped me tremendously get through the situation I'm about to describe.

My story is long but has transpired over a short period of time. I will do my best to not get too long winded.

I've been divorced for 5 years now and have struggled finding someone that I could trust, relate to, have fun with, allow me to love them, and most importantly love my child as their own. Btw I am mostly an NT, I say mostly b/c I have been diagnosed with adult ADD, & depression. I'm not trying to say I'm AS either as I've taken some forms of test. I'm also 39 years old. In Oct of 2013, an old friend from High School contacted me via Facebook. She was telling me hi and asking how I've been. She knew about my divorce and that it was rough and that after 14 years of her marriage she was calling it quits. She was seeking help and advice from me that might help her through her dark time. I went into this as a friend who knew the importance of friendships when it came to going through divorce. Neither one of us expected the following things to occur however. After 2 days there was an unexplainable chemistry. Keep in mind it had been 20 years since we had seen each other. I was very cautious at first b/c I was trying to help fix her marriage, but she made it very clear that she gave her spouse 2 years prior, the opportunity to help fix this marriage and he failed miserably. She had made the decision to divorce before we started talking. It was only a week into talking and texting everyday and night that feelings for each other kept growing and growing. Two weeks in she is planning a trip to my state to see me. I still live in our home state and she lives over 800 miles away. Just under a month in, and we were able to have a weekend together that will never be forgotten and forever changed both of us.

She early on told me she had Aspergers as well as believed her son did too. She has 3 kids aged 9-12, mine is almost 9. After our weekend together, feelings and future plans started entering the picture, we are both VERY sexual btw. I was so amazed with her and all that she has conquered from early childhood till now. Everyday I find another reason to love her more when I don't know how it could be any more possible. It was becoming clear that we were brought to each other for a specific reason. However, we had a few very BIG obstacles ahead of us. The kind that will quickly kill relationships. One being the fact she lived 800 miles away. Two, her spouse is a total dick who is going to do everything he can to make her life miserable in a state that has the dumbest of Divorce Law in the country. Three, I'm in a joint custody with my ex, not easy for me to pick up and leave my son.

After her trip home to see me that one weekend, she also got to see her best friend and youngest brother who she is very close to. This brought her to the realization that she needed to come back home, mostly for support as she will have very little where she is now. But there was a lot of doubt how exactly this would be possible with not knowing how custody of their kids would end up. There was no way she was going to leave her kids. So then the doubt of us being together would ever happen started kicking in. She would get frustrated with me whenever I tried to help her stay focus, or whenever she would try to explain things to me that I just couldn't understand. Neither one of us wanted to walk away from each other so there have been a couple times some emotional talks of asking each other if we are done. All the time ending with adjustments we both need to make to get thru the more immediate issue of her pending divorce. During these emotional talks she would at times shut down, get frustrated with me over not understanding, and just go silent. All things I had never experienced with her before. And she would make reference to her Aspergers on different occasions. So I took the initiative to learn more about my new aspie friend and possible future partner. I am finding out so much from stories, studies, and her. And although I should be scared and should probably turn my back now and run...I can't. I love this woman so much. And although I have no idea what the future holds, I am not turning my back on her. I am doing what I can to understand her moods, thought process, and feelings. I have told her about me doing all this research and she has such a hard time understanding how someone could love her like I do and be willing to do so much for something so uncertain. She has even said that I know her better than she even knows herself.

So that's where we are today. We have toned down our talks about her and I, as well as the talks about her failed marriage. I will say that although I love and miss our conversations about her and I, I now know she needs space so that she can work through this divorce process. She feels responsible for my feelings a lot of the time and starts stressing her out which causes her to shut down. I don't want that happening, it kills me to think that I make things hard for her. So, I would love some feedback here. Similar situations? I honestly don't believe I'm wasting my time, she is every bit worth being with someday. Thanks for taking time to read my story and feel free to ask any questions you want.

I don't have any experience with your specific situation, so I don't have any advice. I would like to just say that I hope things work out well for both of you. I recently got out of a relationship that had a false start. I am the one with AS. I bought a book that I plan to have any partner read, as most people are not like you (they just pretend AS doesn't exist and expect you to act normal). The book is called "loving someone with Asperger's Syndrome". I like it a whole lot, and since you are doing research to help your relationship go smoother, I thought you might like the book too.

Thanks for the encouragement em_tsuj! I will definitely check out that book.

Hi and Welcome:)

I am female with Asperger Syndrome. I, too, wish both of you all the best and I hope you are able to be together when the time is right. I know that you have not specifically asked for literature, however, I wanted to tell you that I learned more about myself and AS, from the book "Aspergirls", by Rudy Simone, than any other resource or person, or what have you. My family read a couple of Tony Attwood's books, which they found very informative, but it wasn't until they read Aspergirls, that they said they were able to grasp just what it is like to be a female, with AS and how much of what they read, they had seen in me, throughout my life. I thought that perhaps, you might wish to add this to your list of resources. I commend you for the good character and intentions you possess. Best wishes and much success to you!

Thank you so much delaSHANE! It truly helps to get this positive feedback on here. This female in my life has truly inspired even myself to be an amazing person. I pray everyday that God will help guide us to each other so that both of us can have the happy lives we both deserve. I will definitely add that book to my list, thanks for the reference.