New year, new OKCupid contact.

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So, recently I've started messaging two new people on OKCupid. One of the girls hadn't replied to my second message after she had replied to me the first, since last week. So, initially I thought that she wasn't going respond to me and so I left it and continued to exchange messages with the other girl but she eventually replied today. It's the other girl that I want to talk about though, since from her, it was the fastest I've ever managed to obtain someone's off-site contact information. The message exchange went something like this (I've censored some it for privacy sake, with the censored parts indicated with text enclosed by asterisks):

So, the next day, she responded to this with not one but four replies the next day:









So, she replied with four messages to my first message, the last one being her phone number, presumably so that I could add her as a contact to WhatsApp. Well, I don't use WhatsApp and it seemed to me a bit careless of her to give me her phone number directly after my first message. No matter though, I thought that since she had already given me her phone number, it wouldn't hurt if I gave her mine. So I replied back:



The next day she responds again:



Ok, so this is definitely the first time that I've exchanged contact details with someone on OKCupid so quickly. In any case I replied again:







So, that last reply was on Friday and she still hasn't followed me up by SMS. It looks like I now do have to initiate contact after all. Wonderful. So, now what I'm asking is, what do I say in the SMS? I have no idea if her giving me her number is an invitation for me to ask her on a date or just continue the conversation that we were having on OKCupid in this case.

I'm an NT in a relationship with an Aspie. I did a bit of on-line dating before I ended up with my bf. I tended to move quickly on those sites (OKC and E-harmony). I found it better to meet people in person. I generally gave my number after a couple messages and didn't like to wait too long before meeting. My bf and I did talk for hours before we ever met, but that was pretty much all in one day We got too anxious to meet and met the next day... That is my experience. Hope it helps. Don't put much pressure on the first message. Just something like, "Hey *Name*, This is Jono. How is your day going?" Also, be persistent. I went on several first dates that did not lead to anything. It is not a bad idea to keep talking to the other girl.

I am talking to the other girl, my last message to her was last night. With my luck though, I'll probably lose contact with both of them before I know it and they'll stop trying to contact me. In this case, I don't want to blow it with my first SMS. There's been a couple of times where I've gotten contact details from people before on OKCupid (either e-mail or phone number) but then when I contact them, they never reply and I don't hear from them again.

Urgh...it's not you and certainly not something stupid you said, based on all your posts on wp, I bet you are not the type who says inconsiderate and stupid things.

This is what's happening every time, Jono, in this short friction of period between her giving you her number and you sending her your SMS, she was contacted by a guy who's hotter than you on okcupid, and it's not improbable that she'll do the same with the new guy if she's contacted by a hotter than this hotter guy....this is what I call the Loop curse that affects many women using online dating, and a lot of guys are victims of its consequence as well.

How many men could of contacted her in 4 days? Considering that women get so many silly first messages from men on OKCupid, like "you're hot" and "I like your boobies" or "*insert pick-up line here*", I doubt that she would of given out her contact information to everyone who messaged her, even controlling for the fact that women get way more messages than men. If I had waited a month to contact her, it would be different.

Silly messages aside, she would get a lot of non-silly messages in 4 days.

You're making a lot of assumptions, Boo.

The OP should ask the girl out. If a girl gives you her phone number, it is pretty much an open invite to ask them. Hell, if you've been chatting up a girl consistantly for more than a few days, that's usually a sign that she's at least interested. If she wasn't, she wouldn't be bothering with you. It's possible that she stopped chatting because it seemed like the conversation wasn't going anywhere (even after giving you her number you did nothing with it) and moved on. That's at least a plausible as Boo's "she must be so shallow, she forgot about you the moment someone hotter texted her" theory.

dble post

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 04 Feb 2014, 9:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

Umm, I didn't really mean a necessarily hotter looking-wise, but as hotter overall, as a "hotter potential".

And waiting 4 days is too slow.

That's probably the case. She didn't reply to my last message because she had already given me her phone number and was expect me to contact her. I gave her my number too though and I literally asked asked her to send me the first message. She hasn't done that though for some reason, so it seems like I still have to send her the first message. I want to know what to say in it though.

Possible, I suppose, but there's not enough evidence to make such an assumption. I'm still willing to bet that most girls don't think that way and won't automatically give up on a guy just because a more promising prospect comes along (at least untill they meet in real life.)

Seems we're in agreement that he should have asked the girl out before letting the convo fizzle though.

The difference is that your explanation suggests that I can probably still contact her, despite that. Boo's explanation suggests that it won't help as she'll just ignore the SMS. On balance of things, she would probably date whoever asks her first, if there is someone else that she's in contact with. That's what I would do if I had two potential dates and if the first date with the one person fizzles through, I've still got the other contact that I can try. If not, then obviously I'm not going to date more than one person at a time, so I'll probably tell the other one that I've found someone.

Out of interest, what is the best time to text someone? It's 20:24 PM at night right now, so I don't know if that's too late.

Just text her now! Don't wait around. I agree that you can probably ask her out already. It is true, girls get a lot of attention on OKC, but if you have a good connection and you are actually asking her about things she enjoys and not just telling her she is pretty, she most likely will want to meet you no matter who else may have messaged her.

And... if OKC doesn't work out, I do recommend trying a pay site. Just think of the money you will pay like paying for a date. The girls are more serious on those sites... so are the guys for the matter. I had a lot of people on OKC act serious, but they really didn't know what they wanted. E-harmony is when I finally found my bf. With that said, I have multiple friends who are in serious relationships because of OKC.

No reason you can't still contact her. Text her in the morning. Don't expect much if any kind of a response though.

Also, not sure how it is is South Africa but here, no exclusivity is assumed untill you talk about a commited relationship. You should be looking to go on dates with multiple girls, not do it one at a time and ditch one prospect over the other before even meeting. The girls can (and do) the same with the guys.

WAIT a s...! !

I didn't say you can't contact her, I was telling you why the previous ones suddenly lost interest before any date, if you read again it was a word of encouragement: it was not your fault.

And yes, text her now, there's nothing to lose. That's something we all agree on.

Thanks. I'll text her in the morning.