There she goes, there she goes again

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I've made several posts about this topic, and I've come to the conclusion that it's something real. I'm not looking for advice on whether or not to restrain from doing this or not because I've convinced myself I'm going to.

What is "this" you ask?

Probably the craziest thing I've done in my life


In the later part of 2012, I returned once again to my martial arts program, in order to continue my "adventure" towards my black belt (I have it now ). I wasn't fully aware that it would happen, but a female friend that I've known for over 6 years came back after a few semesters of school and resumed training as well. I went home later that night thinking hard about her, and I figured out that there could be more than just friendship between the two of us. Close to the end of the year, I sent her a long and well thought out email (that I had written out on paper beforehand) telling her exactly how I felt. I told her that even though sending that email might not have been the smartest idea, it was something that I had to tell her either way. She replied with kind words, and mentioned that she had never really been in a relationship (this is important, as I haven't either), and that she felt a "friend might make more sense than a boyfriend for right now (that's important, too).

Skip ahead 4 or 5 months, and I "asked her out" and we met at one of her University's food courts for a quick dinner, before she had to go back to her dormitory and study more. Fair enough. (Halfway through 2013 at this point). Skip ahead to the end of last year, and throughout that time she and I had met for lunch 2 or 3 times, getting together whenever we could fit it in. I had proposed several other times that we meet, however she claimed she was far too busy with schoolwork/family/etc to take the time to do something like that. Alright, fine. Is this her avoiding me, or is she actually busy, like she said she is? I was talking to her last night, and she said she is an awful liar, so I honestly don't know. While I would like to think these times were "dates", I kinda get the feeling that they weren't anything more than getting together (were they actually dates?)


Now, in the present. I still have those same feelings for her, and I sincerely hope a relationship can form. I honestly think what I'm seeing (which is that she is more close to me (I'll explain later)) is real, but the human mind has a tendency to see what it wants to see. How do I look past that, and know for sure? We often talk about our school and classes, and how each other is doing, and she told me (along with some others) that she has to get an internship somewhere in order to graduate from college with her desired degree. A few days ago, she told me that she wanted to get out of state in order to expand her views of the country (USA), and do something more than just what is available here in Indiana. F***. I don't want to lose her, but I don't know how I can do this without possibly ruining what I currently have with her, which is a great friendship. Either way, I'm forcing myself to do it.

To explain what I meant about seeing things change between us, we have started talking slightly more. Both of us are extremely shy, and we always text each other, as opposed to talking on the phone, as neither of us has anything to say to carry on a conversation to great extent. When she first came back to the martial arts program, we started talking via text, but whenever I would send something to her, I would hardly ever get a reply unless there was a question included within the message. As of recent, that has changed so that I don't necessarily have to ask her anything in order to get a reply (even though that isn't always the case). I would message her more, but I'm afraid of sending "small talk" such as "how was your day?" or "what're you up to right now?". Are these kinds of things that I should stay away from after all?

Another concern I have is that I'm just not seeing that my feelings towards her are mutual, as it has happened to me several times before. Over the past few years, there have been 2 female friends that have (after the matter, and I have looked back at it) shown true interest in me, and I was too stupid to know possible love was standing right in front of me. Is this what's happening again?

I've read some things about how people show signs of affection, both physically and subconsciously. One of the things I've read is that a sign of affection towards another can be seen by having one's pupils dilate, or get larger in size. Is this accurate? If so, I honestly haven't been able to tell, even after all this time (that doesn't mean it isn't there though).



To wrap things up, I am planning on sending another email to her regarding the same things, but i don't know when to do it. One time that I had thought of is the night of her birthday (May 17), but given that she's most likely going out of the state for an internship, I wonder if that's too late.



Oh and one more thing, I want to be able to tell her of my mental condition, but I'm afraid that doing so will affect the way she treats me, both as a possible companion, as well as a friend. Do I tell her, or do I keep it a secret until an official relationship (if it happens) has been declared?



Please help.

As far as telling her about your diagnosis, the question you have to ask yourself is, "Does she need to know?" If you feel like your relationship is suffering in part from things you say or do that she doesn't understand, then telling her can help. Otherwise, I'm not sure there's a pressing reason to.

As for the rest, quite frankly, it doesn't sound like your chances are good, here. She wants to leave the state, and you proposing a long distance relationship when she doesn't even seem interested in a short term one sounds like a setup to dissapointment.

I meant to say 'short distance', and I say that cause she pretty much told you so in her reply to your email. "I don't want to date anyone right now" usually means "I don't want to date YOU." Yes, that can change over time, and yes, we do sometimes miss pretty obvious clues when girls are interested. But quite frankly, it's more likely she feels just the same, and I just want you to steel yourself for that.

I agree with the other poster. Chances are not good.

You already told her how you felt, she rejected you. She could have meant what she said by not wanting to date anyone right now, or she could have meant she just didn't want to date you, - either one it doesn't really matter because the end result is the same.
Since she has been aware that you like her and made no effort to say that she feels the same way or any thing like that, then I would suggest she isn't interested in you in that way.

She's actually pretty smart in not wanting to get with anyone in this stage in her life, especially now that she's looking to relocate. Getting into a relationship while in college or before college is rough because people move around for jobs, internships, schools and what not.

It wouldn't hurt to go ahead and tell her how you feel. That you still like her, she means a lot to you, you're sad she's leaving, etc etc, but I really don't think it would change much.

And also about the pupils thing, yes, it's true that peoples' pupils tend to dilate when sexually aroused. But peoples' pupils' dilate over a lot of other things too, so that's not a really good indicator in my opinion.