Dating sites logic (=lack thereof)

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OK, male online dating experts, plz answer this:

Why do males ignore the 'In a relationship' profile status?

I've been on tastebuds.fm for years, and while it's mainly a dating site, I now use it to meet female concert buddies (it's a site that is based on music tastes). My profile clearly says so. And yet, I get messaged by hordes of males. some of them get abusive if I don't reply (I usually don't). WTF, why do this, why waste time and be disrespectful?

I'm guessing a lack of attention. When I was on the dating sites I looked at the picture first, the age second and then I clicked and read through the full profile. All I can suggest is that you put on your profile, right at the top, in big friendly letters:

I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW - OK?

You answered your own question with the "lack thereof" part.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter dating sites.

My experience has been that roughly 50% of the men who have messaged me clearly, CLEARLY have not read my profile.

My profile states in large, friendly letters that a) I am a smoker, and b) I do not participate in, nor even believe in, organized religion.

And yet, roughly one-third of the messages I get are from men whose profiles also clearly state in large, friendly letters that either a) they will not, under threat of death or great bodily harm, even *consider* dating a smoker, or b) god/church/jesus/the bible is the biggest part of their life. The remainder of the messages are of the "hi how r u" ilk, and since my profile also says that they should only message me if they're capable of sending a message of more than one sentence (and that decent spelling and grammar are appreciated), I don't bother to respond to those.

The others (anti-smokers and religious types) get a message back from me asking if they actually read my profile.

My best guess is that they just look at the pictures and then fire off a message. Conversely, I have to read their profile all the way through (sometimes twice, if it's long), read the answers to all their questions (on OKC), and then look at all the pictures, before I even think about messaging them. And then, usually I don't anyway.

Oops, double post.

Last edited by Eureka13 on 06 Feb 2014, 4:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

70% of women don't read my profile either because they get surprised by my height (short) later on, while it's stated there in the profile.

May i see your profile Boo?

No.

What's on WP stays on WP, what's elsewhere stays elsewhere .

But I. Wouldn't tell anyone about what I saw. Pinky promise

Honestly, as I've done this before, they think if it's only one thing, they can change you. Meaning they have so many other qualities that they can make it so one of those two things won't matter. You will get guys that won't read your profile (obviously). The best thing to do in your position is to make it clear you aren't interested because of one of those things. If they get mean, just block them. As a guy, it's a lot better being told no then getting led on then when you ask them out, they ignore you (happened to me recently).

The people who can't send more than one sentence initially usually aren't worth to message back anyways.

Saw what? I don't get it.

Yeah, I usually send a slightly snarky response that says "although you say you love my profile, I am fairly certain you didn't read it all the way through" and then comment on the fact that *their* profile says they would not date a smoker (or that they are specifically looking for a "godly woman") and yet somehow they missed the fact that I smoke (or that I am on their god's sh*t list).

well this is weird though, because my picture only shows like 1/4th of my face!

why some people value their own time so little is beyond me. gack!

well i read everyone's profiles even when i know they out of my league, i also rate them based on their profile and pictures, its quite depressing but i feel its the respectful thing to do. mine you 98% of women are out of my league so it leads to super sad nights.

as for the hi how are you, i have gone back to sending those, due to fear, and anxiety and experience, i use to send anywhere from 1-4 paragraph messages, addressing stuff in there profiles, there were some that i just super liked after reading, so much in common, or they supper silly, however after sending out hundreds of these, its taxing and quite painful, they don't even reply no sorry not interested, so yearh its "hey how are you" maybe if i having a good day some questions, idk what to say in the message anymore i'm so afraid and i'm unlovable anyways, when i get messages its almost always "hi whats up" i freak out and panic. i really don't get their game of toying with me



as for the op question: i don't if its displayed, but at least on okc and pof its very tiny, though for searches i only look for singe, but both have the rate me/ meet them thing and i must admit due to it bringing them up, I've rated some women who are in a relationship, i feel quite guilty about it and afraid, but one can't un rate them or un visit them

i don't get why someone would message a person in a relationship thought i'm not into polyamony but there's women who are, so maybe they think your one of those?

I found when I was on eHarmony (when I was naive and actually got a few girls to contact me) was that they were almost all, without exception "party girls" and always inquired as to my favorite pubs/bars. I had to resist the urge to write back "maybe you should have actually read my profile where it says in plain English I'm not into the bar or nightclub scene." Looking back, they probably only saw the height and wrote based on me being taller than 99+% of men.

Then why on okc they never read my height info? It's clearly 163 cm yet 170+ girls get surprised later on after it comes up in some conversation after plenty of exchanges, and either go hesitant about it or take it as deal breaker.