Page 1 of 1 [ 9 posts ] 

luvsterriers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,159
Location: Fairfax, VA

06 Feb 2014, 9:45 am

My first boyfriend ever was when I was a freshman in college. He was a year older than me. We are both half asian/half white.
We dated 6 months. Now this was a long time ago. :) I'm in my 30s now. I went on Facebook few weeks ago and searched for people I once knew from high school or college and happened to find my ex Rick. He remembers me. He was married for 13 years and has 3 children, until his wife cheated on him 3 years ago. Rick's parents divorced when he was 7. Ric's younger brother is also divorced. I have never been married and have no children. I was engaged, but things didn't work out. As soon as I private messaged Rick he said to call him and he gave his number. Well that night I did call him and we were on phone for 3 hours! How many of you guys like to talk to girls for that long over phone?? I do recall talking to Rick while we were together for hours. He lives in another state, but is moving back to the DC area next week. I couldn't stop laughing while I was on phone with him and I always laughed when we were together. I don't know why. My other two ex boyfriends after him I didn't laugh too much. Maybe because Rick was my first ever boyfriend? The thing is I wonder if these words are ok for a ex boyfriend to use. He has called me dear, honey, love and goofball during our conversations. I do have guy friends, but they never call me these names. Rick is also the only ex I have talked to over phone or Facebook. I know it's harder to find a single man or single woman in their 30s. It's easier I think to find singles in their 20s. Divorce rate is high too. I know several of my high school classmates are on their 2nd marriage or had a child out of wedlock and are now single moms. I don't think my family would approve of me if my fiance was a divorced father. If he was a widower without kids or divorced without no kids maybe that's ok. But I rather be with someone who has never been married and has no kids. I don't want the crazy ex wife coming after me or the kids resenting me thinking I'm replacing their real mom.


_________________
Anna

If you're not happy with yourself, you'll never be happy with somebody else. (Don Omar)


Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

06 Feb 2014, 5:34 pm

Are you asking us whether or not we think you should get back together with him? I'm confused about this post.



buffinator
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 651
Location: Illinois

06 Feb 2014, 8:40 pm

Op you need better paragraph structure. you need to separate questions from the anecdote.

If you and your ex are hitting it off that's great. Most likely he will pursue you for a relationship, though.

I still have feelings for people from ages ago (embarrassingly I don't/didn't know some of their names, even). There are two girls who if I could get into contact with (and one of them didn't get as bad into drugs as I suspect) I would pretty much be theirs if they would have me.


_________________
AQ: 31
Your Aspie score: 135 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


luvsterriers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,159
Location: Fairfax, VA

07 Feb 2014, 10:51 am

Oh ok sorry about that. I meant is it ok for an ex boyfriend to call his ex girlfriend love, dear, honey?
Is it common for men to talk to women on phone for hours??


_________________
Anna

If you're not happy with yourself, you'll never be happy with somebody else. (Don Omar)


Eureka13
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2013
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,058
Location: The wilds of Colorado

07 Feb 2014, 11:01 am

I don't think either is very common. The "pet names" are desirable if you like them (personally, I don't care for it, but I'm kind of weird that way). The long phone calls, IMO, are wonderful.

If he is wonderful in every other way, him being divorced w/children should not be a deal-breaker. After age 30, there are very few people of either gender who have not been married at least once. Not saying they don't exist, but they are rare.



luvsterriers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,159
Location: Fairfax, VA

07 Feb 2014, 11:09 am

That is true that after age 30, it is quite hard to find someone who is still single. I do have another friend who's 4 years younger than me who is on her 2nd marriage, but she has no children at all. I was nearly engaged when I was 25, but things just didn't work out. That was the last time I was in relationship. I do want children, but given my age, it's probably risky. They said after age 35 if you have your first child, it can cause issues with the baby. I do want someone to call me mom, but the aspergers, LD and the IC which is a terrible bladder disease gets in the way. I tried to be intimate with my last boyfriend, but it was too painful. So how can I get married if I can't be intimate? My last relationship did end because he wanted me to move in with him. I don't believe in shacking up. Also with my two past relationships, I never talked on phone with them long time. The thing is also Rick and I not only talked on phone for long time, but he always made me laugh uncontrollably. I have no clue why. He isn't a joker. :/


_________________
Anna

If you're not happy with yourself, you'll never be happy with somebody else. (Don Omar)


Kinme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,002
Location: Spaghetti

07 Feb 2014, 5:52 pm

I think you already know the answer, OP. It isn't normal, and he is interested in you. If you're not interested in him, why lead him on, even if it's unintentional?



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,793
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

10 Feb 2014, 2:51 am

luvsterriers wrote:
Oh ok sorry about that. I meant is it ok for an ex boyfriend to call his ex girlfriend love, dear, honey?
Is it common for men to talk to women on phone for hours??
Maybe he calls you those names because he was used to calling you them when you two were together & he hasn't quite adjusted to the boundary change with being just friends. As for as talking on the phone goes; i know it's generally a lot more common for NTs to talk on the phone than us Aspies but I don't know how much is normal for an NT guy to talk.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


886
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,664
Location: SLC, Utah

10 Feb 2014, 3:11 am

I think it's different when you're older and you both have a different level of maturity and approach to life, you're hardly even exes at that point, moreso two people who share fond memories.

If it were a more recent ex, or a longer more meaningful relationship I could understand not wanting to re-establish contact.


_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.