Aspie traits or plain indecent?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone,

Like I said I have been seeing a 24 year old aspie boy. We've been on a couple of dates, some of them at cafés, some of them at his place. I like the boy, though I'm not sure if I see him as a potential mate.
What strikes me when I go hang out at his place is that he plainly burps really loudly, without saying pardon me or excuse me. I personally find it disgusting when people burp out loud. Especially when they do it regularly without excuzing themselves.
Also, the last time I went to his house I caught him fumbling with his hands in his pants/crotch a few times. I didn't wanna embarass him by giving him the odd eye so I just ignored it. But honestly, I thought it was pretty weird and gross. What I also thought was disgusting was that we were eating crips out of a bowl that he had put on the table and he just rubbed his fingers over the bowl after putting some crisps in his mouth. It felt like he was totally unaware of my presence.

Are these typical aspie traits?

Nope.

I mean, those are obvious poor social skills - but anyone can have them. They aren't restricted to us, and his asperger's doesn't justify disgusting behavior like that, especially around women. He should know better.

He's being himself.

I say go back to guys who pretend etiquette in front of girls.

Those are just minor silly flaws; and don't expect living with a guy without some of such annoyances, we guys are 'pigs' lol.

True characters flaws like violence, disloyalty, alcoholism, extreme laziness...etc that you should worry about, those 'flaws' you described are nothing.

I say go back to guys who just have good etiquette all around, whether they're by themselves, in front of girls or guys.


Now I will admit, when I'm around guys or by myself, I will adjust my jewels sometimes. But some guys I've noticed will put their hand down there and just LEAVE IT THERE for 10..20..30 minutes while we're lounging around watching TV. I think that's disgusting and I'm a dude. It's just awkward as hell. I've had at least four guy friends/roommates in the past like this. One time I got the courage to confront one of them and he confessed it was because his hands were cold. I was like well then put them in your sweater pocket or something cause that just looks gross, I don't want to have to smell your sweaty nuts on your hands after you pull them out.

Everything else you mentioned I just don't do, around people or not. I also rarely share finger food with people, especially guys because guys hardly ever wash their hands. So. Yeah.

I'm leaning towards siding with Boo on this one. Those are relatively minor issues unless you're living with a person..........and potentially fixable unlike some of the other things he mentioned.

Have you thought about bringing it up when he does something that bothers you or do you just expect him to guess? The latter is a very NT mindset and quite unproductive.

Usually guys at least pretend to have some manners until they know you better.

Nothing indecent about his behavior - he just has no manners. It's up to you to decide if it bugs you too much to put up with. On the up side, he obviously feels comfortable with you!

If you want to give him a chance, then bring up what bothers you and see how he responds. A positive response would suggest he is trying to be considerate of you. Likewise, if you don't feel comfortable bringing it up... Move on

With the burping, it may be just the fact that he's lived alone for awhile, and is so used to doing it that he doesn't realize it, or feels so comfortable with you that he doesn't see the need to excuse himself. If he belches in public, does he excuse himself to others around you guys?

Rubbing food crumbs off his fingers over the bowl, no big deal. Are you at the kissing phase of your relationship? If you're kissing each other, how is rubbing his fingers over shared food after putting stuff in his mouth so bad?

I'm a little unclear on the playing with his junk. If you guys have been together for awhile, and he's never done it before, maybe his pants or underwear were causing him some discomfort or irritation around his crotch area. I don't want to get too graphic here, but I've had a varicose vein in my scrotum since my teens, and sometimes the leg elastic on my briefs causes discomfort in the affected area, and I have to re-adjust my underwear. I try to find a bathroom, or at least a semi-private area to do it in public, though.

Talk this stuff over with him.

Maybe resort to dating girls?

I am a kind, caring, gentlemanly person who knows how to treat a woman generally but I have to admit I have close to zero manners. It's not something I do deliberately, it's just living alone it's easier to eat out of the pizza box or pop bottle and to walk around in my boxers on a hot day. I would suggest you politely point it out to him: I personally have no idea if I am supposed to use utensils at a restaurant for example and can unintentionally come across as rude because I have to remember to put on a 'social' mask and be presentable. Until my Ex pointed it out to me, I had no idea how bad I smelled after I took my hockey gear off and wasn't deliberately being a pig: I just never realized and never had to share close space with anyone before.

Well, my exes never showed this kind of behaviour so appearantly there are men that do have manners. Especially in the beginning stages of dating, where you are trying to show the best version of yourself to the person you like, I would expect a guy to control these kinds of disgusting behaviours.

Putting your hand into your crotch/pants and then 10 seconds later taking that hand into the bowl of crips that we are BOTH eating from... just gross and no manners.

But appearantly this is not an aspie trait.

Well... the burping for example... I have brought it up. I said in a very neutral way. But he responded pretty defensive with: 'Are you kidding this is my house, my place and my living room. Are you gonna tell me how to and how not to behave here!?'. He couldn't handle it.

hmmm.... lol , not a pleasant habit for sure.

I wanted to ask you a question but it's too R+ for this subforum hint: it's similar to Basso53's kissing question but even more adult.


I feel that's something we guys can't help you with, let's wait for the replies of married/taken women here.

It's harsh to judge he has no manners, we don't know if he does those things in front of strangers, he probably sees her like a family already.


And Cafe, it could be due to lack of theory of mind, so it might be an aspie trait.

We haven't kissed yet, but we have lain in his bed spooning. We did some feeling and touching, but not below the waist. I am planning to take it a step further next time. I don't hope he ruins it by burping loudly again or putting his hand in his crotch.
I am very curious to read how other women would handle this kind of behaviour.

I.... I do scratch my crotch often when I am alone but never in public and it's something I heard girls complain about (about other guys, not me) - one girl complained to me about some guys in the gym often scratch down there and I was like "so why are you watching!" .

But yeah, it's something we guys do a lot, ask the moms and they tell you that even their little boys do it, it's not a sexual thing but you know, the tight pants, the sweat, some fallen body hair, misplaced growing hair....it can gets insanely itchy , just imagine the feeling of a bug crawling on your clitoris lol. Skirts should really be for guys.

Does he have some hygiene issue?

Do you have brothers btw?