Am I really just making excuses?

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It seems like in every serious relationship I've had, there has been at least one instance where my partner (none of them on the spectrum) has asked me to change some behavior that irritates her - things like leaving my shoes in the wrong place, or closing doors/cabinets too hard, etc. And I really do try, but it seems like I'm such a creature of habit that I forget with enough frequency to be upsetting. Then in each relationship the other person has felt like I didn't care because even if I really want to, I can't seem to just be told something bothers somebody one time and then never do it again, and I figured maybe this was an Aspie trait. But I've also been accused of using AS as an excuse, and it really hurts because I DO care about other people's feelings and I DON'T want to hurt or upset the people I love, I just sometimes seem to need to work harder at breaking bad habits. Plus I've noticed I have a tendency to isolate things - like if I'm asked not to do something again, I register that I shouldn't do that exact thing, in that exact context, but I might still do something similar thinking it's different, and to the other person it's still like I just don't listen to what they say. Am I really just hiding behind AS or is there any chance it really is harder for us?

I think it's rude that someone would ask you to change just because it's "annoying" to them. My ex use to tell me that I chewed too loud, that he hated my jeans, and he thought it was weird and embarrassing that I still wore flip flops in winter. All those things are such little things in my eyes that I'm shocked he'd bring it up. Those things don't affect my personality or the way I treated him, so again can't he just bite his tongue and let me have my quirks?? Of course we broke up and I'm thankful we did. If someone is willing to give you a hard time on your quirks, then they aren't worth your time. Someone who loves you, should love you for you, quirks and all. It's ok to get annoyed by things your partner does once in a while, but usually you're annoyed by something they DID, not who they are, or a way they dress or eat, etc.

Well, if the other person has a pet peeve or an anxiety-inducing issue of their own with some small thing, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask a person not to do it. It's just hard because I feel like I have to try so hard for so long to remember. And it does seem like some people can hear "please don't do this" and then just immediately stop doing it, and I hate that I can't.

Most people want to rant, and have an argument about something. Some people are not happy unless they complain about something. Then they argue, and carry on. Than they forgive each other, or one of them. Then they feel better. I see my parents do it all the time. I don't like it.