RikkiK wrote:
I'm seeing a fellow with Asperger's and it's so wonderful because we are so often on the same page with things and I don't have to explain my ways to him like I do NTs and I feel very very comfortable with him. I'm aware of it and he's mentioned it, that we don't actually know each other all that well, for what it's worth.
The only way I really know how to make conversation with anyone is by asking questions. Usually that works with people because I can ask a question and then the other person starts talking and enjoys talking about themselves enough to keep going and shifting from topic to topic by their own doing. I "make conversation" by prompting chatty-Kathy's, basically. But of course he's not like that, he has pretty direct, simple answers to my questions. I could keep asking him questions on and on, but I get nervous to seem like an interrogator. He doesn't usually toss questions back my way, like I sometimes expect he would, but I don't believe it's because he's disinterested, I just don't think it occurs to him that he could do it. I honestly think I know a good bit more about him then he does me. I have no problem with the idea of opening up to him, but I'm not going to just throw my life story at him if he doesn't want to hear it. Usually we end up sitting in silence, or don't have terribly substantial conversations, which is okay, but I would like to start really talking with him.
What should I do? Do I just talk about myself even if he doesn't really prompt it? I think I tend to be pretty direct with my responses too, I mean why go on and on about yourself? I guess I just always think it's a bit self interested when people can just endlessly talk about themselves. That's not like what I want from him, just a step towards deeper conversation. And he says he wants to know me better, but how do I establish that when he never asks me things?
My inability to interact socially is very frustrating right now.
Try and tell him all of this, that you've posted here, in the least threatening way you can. Express to him that you're excited to share more with him and he may very well want to work on this.
Have you considered writing something down for him? I used to find that very helpful with my ex wife. She would get me flustered and I'd tell her: "You know I'm having trouble being comfortable enough to express myself the way I want to. Give me a couple of minutes to write something down, so I can really tell you how I feel." It's just like posting on a thread or writing an article/essay. All the pressure is off and you can just contemplate things, take your time to choose the words you want to instead of feeling stymied.
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There is no wealth like knowledge, no poverty like ignorance.
Nahj ul-Balāgha by Ali bin Abu-Talib