Sooooo...... How do I tell an Aspie guy that I LIKE him?

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GiantKitten
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08 Mar 2014, 9:04 pm

Any advice on how I should tell my crush that I think we should date? We both have Aspergers and absolutely hate it when our classmates talk,talk,talk,talk talk IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS about things that have nothing to do with class. How should I go about this without embarrassing myself or him? We also have a lot of other things in common.



thewhitrbbit
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08 Mar 2014, 9:09 pm

Ask him out on a date after class.



auntblabby
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08 Mar 2014, 10:55 pm

act [to him] like you like him in a way that he can notice. act happy if he doesn't push you away when he is doing something he likes to do.



khaoz
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08 Mar 2014, 11:21 pm

Be gentle. If he is an Aspie guy like me, he takes things extremely literal, and he is very much emotionally fragile and vulnerable. Please don't hurt him.



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09 Mar 2014, 3:50 am

"you're a lot of fun to talk to, we should go get coffee after class one day"

if you can talk and talk and talk with someone like you say you do with him, it's typically a lot easier. if you're just approaching a random attractive person you don't talk to often i can see how it would be harder.


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Persevero
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09 Mar 2014, 8:42 am

"I like you"



screen_name
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09 Mar 2014, 8:48 am

Persevero wrote:
"I like you"


This.



Cafeaulait
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09 Mar 2014, 11:08 am

Persevero wrote:
"I like you"



Aspie1
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09 Mar 2014, 11:56 am

screen_name wrote:
Persevero wrote:
"I like you"

This.

<BUZZER> Incorrect!

Well, not exactly incorrect, but there's a problem with this one. Him being aspie is almost a given that he's been bullied at least once in his life. This includes girls leading him on by telling him they like him. So if you straight-out tell him "I like you", he may assume that you're just messing with him, like other girls have done before, and will immediately "blacklist" you as a bully. And when it comes to dealing with aspies, once you get blacklisted, it's usually permanent (due to their heavily black-and-white thinking).

I very much agree with 886's "you're a lot of fun to talk to, we should go get coffee after class one day" suggestion. Only make the invite time-specific, like "Friday right after school/classes" (you didn't specify if you were in high school or college). When when you two are alone, come out and tell him that you find him attractive and that "we should give each other a chance to date". (This specific wording is radically different from what girls use when they lead guys on, but still means the same thing.)

Schedule your first real date during the coffee. Once you're on your first date, go somewhere romantic where a kiss will naturally happen, so he knows you like him for real. Even the most socially naive guys know that girls will never kiss a guy they don't like.



leafplant
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09 Mar 2014, 12:00 pm

OK, so I know I am not a guy, but if a guy came and said to me "you're a lot of fun to talk to, we should go get coffee after class one day" I would assume he wants to be friends, unless he was making it obvious in other ways that it's more than that.

To be fair, I have said a version of this to someone at work and they went all weird, I am now guessing it's because they thought I was thinking of it as a date. Or maybe they just didn't fancy hanging out with me, more likely.

If you are both aspies, then maybe email or text him - that way he has the time to think about it, compose himself and not freak out and say no just because you caught him by surprise.



FritzWayne
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09 Mar 2014, 3:09 pm

I don't know that just telling someone you like them immediately is the best unless you have truly spent enough time together to validate that.
I like when a girl suggests doing an activity together. I am not one to want to just sit around and talk to someone I hardly know but suggesting a fun activity - usually a good thing.



Saul3903
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10 Mar 2014, 12:59 am

I think 886 and Aspie1 have the right idea. Platonic coffee followed by a real date sounds like a good strategy.

And, like Leafplant says, he may very likely think you just want to be friends at first. I think that's okay, though. He can be shown otherwise.



GiantKitten
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11 Mar 2014, 7:58 pm

To specify I am in High School not college.



GiantKitten
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11 Mar 2014, 8:03 pm

I have known him since the beginning of High school 8/12/13.



FireyInspiration
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11 Mar 2014, 9:12 pm

Saul3903 wrote:
I think 886 and Aspie1 have the right idea. Platonic coffee followed by a real date sounds like a good strategy.

And, like Leafplant says, he may very likely think you just want to be friends at first. I think that's okay, though. He can be shown otherwise.


This, just make sure there's nobody else around who's listening when you ask him out on the real date. This avoids the risk of one or both of you getting embarrassed.



the_alchemist
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12 Mar 2014, 5:12 pm

Write it in a card imo

hopefully he knows how to make a move, maybe you will have to