Chance of recovery?

Post Reply New Topic

I had a bad date. At least I think it was a bad date. I texted her the next day and she said I might get another date. She was a lot colder than she had been. The surprising thing was how keen she was before the date. How she agreed to go out without hesitation, how she texted me every day before the date and said she was looking forward to meeting me. We got into contact through a dating site so we hadn't met yet. She seemed to be enjoying herself for the first hour or two. We seem to have similar views on many things except that she's very NT. At least I could make her laugh.

So now I'm wondering if she hates me now because she thought I was too much of a cold fish. I just couldn't get over the touch barrier. Not because it's painful for me or due to moral objections but just shyness and inability to read people. Like many here I don't have the sort of telepathic powers shared by the general population.

I laid my hands on hers for a few minutes but that was it. I don't know if that would be interpreted as a level of (what she perceives as) interest on a first date. She flirted a lot. Far too late in life I've learned to recognize that but that means I'm supposed to do something back right? Aside from my usual inhibitions it seems hard to do much else with a table between us. I suggested the beach for next time (if there's a next time).

I'm also not sure if I should disclose my AS. At the time I just said I was a nerd and she agreed that any with 20 games consoles must be a nerd. She's not a gamer (she only owns one console) but we like the same TV shows (Star Trek, Stargate) So anytime I did something awkward I said it was because I was a nerd. Think of it as a euphemism for AS. That's not specific enough though.

I'm not ashamed of it but I don't want it to be like I'm making excuses (though they may be needed either way), I don't want her to think I need to be looked after (think of the ending in Adam (I'm not familiar with the finer aspects of courting but I'm fine with general socializing, I may not be financially independent outside of welfare but I don't ask people for money and I certainly don't expect her to be a maid or a carer)) and I don't want to come across as too needy. Another reason not to disclose is I don't know what kind of preconcieved notions she may have about AS (has she heard of it all, does she think it's something guys like me just make up, is her knowledge of AS based on ridiculous exaggerated movies like Adam, etc).

On the other hand I don't want to rely on tricks. Youtube has these self-proclaimed "dating coaches" who have all these tricks like "wait 'till the third day". She's fairly smart so I think she could see through such nonsense.

Anyway, enough tangents. Getting back to the main questions, would she think I'm a cold fish? Is there any way to remedy the situation?

Oh man, it can be so many things. You could have missed some cue from her that was a big deal.

When you put your hands on hers, what was her reaction? Did she say anything at all that would indicate why exactly she is not as keen as she was in the beginning? You could have said something or looked at another woman or any number of things you may not even realise you've done or haven't done.

Not sure you had a bad date if she laughed and enjoyed herself for some of it and if you enjoyed yourself too. That's not a bad date. But if you didn't text her after the date itself to say you had fun etc, and waited until next day, maybe she was cross about that. I find I have to do that even with female friends, they get VERY upset if you don't text them after hanging out to say thank you and I've had a lovely time etc.

Women. I swear I don't know why you bother.

What was her reaction? She didn't recoil. In fact she seemed to perk up a bit for a while. The second time I tried it she said I had cold hands. They'd been resting on the table. I expect I missed many social cues from her.

Some of the time she just had this unhappy look. Not that I'm real good with expressions. This came after I didn't respond to her flirtations fast enough. She glanced downwards and to her left (neuro-linguists might infer some meaning from that but I consider that to be a pseudoscience).

She kept on doing things like twirling her hair and pressing crucifix to her lips. while staring at me. The next day it occurred to me maybe that's some sort of sign language that I'm supposed to kiss her. I'm not sure if that would work very well with three feet of table between us.

I didn't text her after because we stayed at the bar 'till about 11:00, it would take her a while to get home on the bus so maybe she'd get home at midnight and perhaps go to sleep because most people aren't like me and go to bed at 5:00AM every night.

I texted her the next day but at the time I was wondering if it was too soon, not too late. I just asked if we would meet again and her response began with "I see". This one confused me to no end. I later found out she'd deleted me from the dating site earlier that afternoon. She asked if I'd had fun. I responded in the affirmative and asked if she had. She said "a bit". I guess that sort of makes a point to me but it's a bit short on detail. I have a suspicion that "what did I do wrong?" is not an acceptable question. So she said she "might" see me next week.

I know that with NT women most of their communication will be non-verbal but even some of their verbal communication seems to be indirect.
I still think they're worth it. They're called the fairer sex for a reason after all.