It must be love... Mustn't it?

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I found this on FB nite before last & it resonated so deeply I felt it was aimed directly at me.

"You don't get to choose, you just fall in love and you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know you love them so much except sometimes they drive you completely insane - no one can explain it. And the reason it's so confusing is because it's love, and if love didn't have challenges, what would be the point?"

I'm a 50 yo female (who has many Aspie traits) in love with a 39 yo Aspie man. We have been very close friends for 2 yrs and really became instant friends, growing ever closer over time. I relate to him on a level I've never been able to relate with anyone before. Last November he told me "I love you". I had let slip months before that I loved him.

Our "relationship" (he hates that word) has been quite a roller coaster since last August primarily due to my lack of understanding of Asperger's as well as my own abandonment/rejection issues from childhood. We are currently on the outs and I not only feel like I've lost my closest, dearest, and BEST friend on the planet, I fear I've lost the love of my life & the man who was made for me.

It has become clear that he loves me deeply and that we are both afraid of our deep feelings (abandonment/rejection issues). I don't know what to do at this point to assure him that I will stand by his side no matter what; in spite of his "meltdowns", his incessant talking about himself, his need for solitude (Which I also need as I'm an artist)...

How do I get through to him that we can get back to where we were if we will just talk?

Just because it's "love" doesn't ,necessarily mean that it's healthy, or that it will ever be stable.

Sometimes love isn't enough.

It takes both people being committed to the relationship.

Those emotional issues that you talked about can be overpowering at times. I know for me, I automatically push women away when I like them and they start to get too close. I don't have much of a choice in the matter. I recently fell in love with a young lady with intimacy issues as well. I am pretty sure she loves me as well. She was also my best friend at the time, the only person I had met in over 15 years who I could be myself around. All of our issues got in the way of us having a relationship. I don't know if we will ever give it another try or not. I just know that right now, it is best that we stay apart. It isn't lack of love. It is those unresolved issues that each of us has.

Sorry for talking so much about myself. I am not trying to take away from your issues. I just don't know any other way to illustrate my point. What I am talking about might be relevant to you. It might not be.

Thank you em_tsuj for your response and your honesty about your own situation. It helps to hear someone else's experience. I do know that he is going through something right now which he isn't ready to share with me. One day he's up & can't get enough of my attention and the next day he acts like he's angry with me. I strongly suspect that someone who calls herself a mutual friend (and who has expressed jealousy of me & my close bond with "Adam") has interjected herself in the middle of things and is doing her best to create chaos & miscommunication.

I have written "Adam" a letter that I very much desire to read to him in person in hopes of opening up communication. Would this be considered overwhelming to someone with AS? My heart feels as if it's been ripped from my chest and I know he isn't happy with the current situation. This is a person who called me every morning as soon as his eyes opened and usually again during the course of his day. It wasn't uncommon to spend hours on the phone on any given day. I want so deeply to convey in a way that he understands yet not overwhelming that I am willing to make adjustments & compromises for us to remain close. As I said, we are each other's closest friend and I know he misses me too. Having recently identified issues within myself I wasn't consciously aware of before gives me a whole new perspective on things. Where I was frightened before I'm now better prepared to be brave. Does this make any sense to anyone?