Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,060
Location: Adelaide, Australia

28 Mar 2014, 3:33 am

Once again I'm asking for advice but I'm not good at this. After a lukewarm response last week the day after my most recent date I asked if she wanted to meet again. She said she thought so. I suggested the beach on Saturday and she said she'd let me know.

So my question is, if she'll "let me know" does that mean I should wait for her to contact me or that she'd "let me know" in response to my query?

Youtube had some ideas about how men should play hard to get but resorting to such trickery seems immature.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

28 Mar 2014, 5:54 am

It usually means "I'm waiting to see if I get any better offers, but if I don't then I might go". Otherwise it could mean "No, but I don't want to deal with it now". The best thing it could mean is "I might have something extremely important that I have to go to".

It's really common, it happens to me all the time.
I wouldn't hold your breath. If she contacts you, cool, if not, just let it go.



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,060
Location: Adelaide, Australia

28 Mar 2014, 7:10 am

Maybe I should've followed your advice but I'd already texted her. She seemed to be sitting on the fence. She asked if I was at work for reason, at 9:00PM.
The office closes at 5:00PM so I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean :?

So she sort of waits for a fair while, probably trying to decide and then then she says yes. Then she said she didn't think we hit it off last time but she's still yes.
Then while discussing the time and place she breaks it off and says she just doesn't think it will work.

I didn't pry but it would be nice to know which mistake I made for next time. Sometimes I get the impression that women don't always say what they mean.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

28 Mar 2014, 8:37 am

Sometimes it's easier to bury it and leave, unfortunately.

I once met a guy off the internet and the last thing I said is "we'll keep in touch" and I never talked to him again. I guess people say things then mull it over later.



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,060
Location: Adelaide, Australia

28 Mar 2014, 9:03 am

Eh. C'est la vie.
There are plenty of fish in the ocean... if you like fish. Personally, I prefer girls. Hmm, call it a weakness.



thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,124

28 Mar 2014, 9:12 am

Sometimes it just doesn't happen. At least she finally gave you the courtesy of the truth.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

28 Mar 2014, 10:19 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Sometimes it's easier to bury it and leave, unfortunately.

I once met a guy off the internet and the last thing I said is "we'll keep in touch" and I never talked to him again. I guess people say things then mull it over later.


Hmm, I remember you mentioned in one of my previous threads that you feel "we'll keep in touch" means.

Quote:
It most likely translates into either "I never want to see you again" or "I might if I can be bothered or want to try to be polite, but its a low priority and I probably won't".

If someone I really like I met online.. I would text them pretty soon after. I probably wouldn't bother saying that.. I would say "I will text you".


OP, I think she may have felt pressured into giving you a reply, not so much trying to play games with you. She may have been thinking about the date and sorting out how she felt about it too. So there was no issue with attraction based on the details of your last two threads. What the issue seems to stem from is the fact that you perhaps come across as pushy (you want an answer when she is trying to sort out how she felt about you).
Next time, perhaps maybe you don't mention future plans on the date and just choose to call her at a later date and ask her out again. It's more low pressure and any excitement she might have over wondering when you will call again or not is answered. Of course, I find women are very interested before the date... I also find that it's up to the guy to show interest after the date while also allowing her to sort out some feelings about the previous date. The first dates are always the toughest.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


Wind
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 526
Location: UK

28 Mar 2014, 6:00 pm

I've had "I'll let you know" and it basically means "not interested".

Sorry that happened :(


_________________
Your Aspie score: 187 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 25 of 200
AQ: 43
Empathy Quotient: 8
I have ASD, ADHD, Hypermobility Syndrome.


thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,124

28 Mar 2014, 9:33 pm

On the bright side; at least you got a date.



Stargazer43
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,604

28 Mar 2014, 9:56 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Maybe I should've followed your advice but I'd already texted her. She seemed to be sitting on the fence. She asked if I was at work for reason, at 9:00PM.
The office closes at 5:00PM so I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean :?

So she sort of waits for a fair while, probably trying to decide and then then she says yes. Then she said she didn't think we hit it off last time but she's still yes.
Then while discussing the time and place she breaks it off and says she just doesn't think it will work.

I didn't pry but it would be nice to know which mistake I made for next time. Sometimes I get the impression that women don't always say what they mean.


No one ever says what they truly mean. Pity too, things would be a lot simpler if that weren't the case!

As for mistake, I doubt anything you did after the date had an effect. It sounds like it's more what you did during your date that led to her lack of interest and eventual fading away.



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,060
Location: Adelaide, Australia

28 Mar 2014, 10:49 pm

On the bright side, at least she told me it was off, not like other girls who cut off all possible means off communication without explanation or get their sister to dump me for them (again without explanation). Those times made me feel pretty low. Like I was so horrible they couldn't bear to have any direct communication with me.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

29 Mar 2014, 12:47 am

I hope this helps you. If they can't communicate with you, it may be a sign of their own insecurity. Not something you would want to deal with if it consistently happens within a relationship.


_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,060
Location: Adelaide, Australia

29 Mar 2014, 1:29 am

Yeah. The women I've dated couldn't communicate with me but does that mean they couldn't communicate or they couldn't communicate with me?
It's a question of who's bad at communicating.



aspiemike
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,287
Location: Canada

29 Mar 2014, 2:14 am

As long as you're doing your best to communicate and understand what they are communicating (asking questions for clarification helps), would you say you have done your best?


_________________
Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,060
Location: Adelaide, Australia

29 Mar 2014, 2:40 am

Yeah, I think that's my problem. Not disclosing. Stuff like that. I go on trying to pass myself off as normal and then she acts surprised when she finds out I'm still interested. Asking for clarification? That's what I should've done. That and disclosing. It's just that I felt if I was using that as a crutch it would be a big turn off.
It might sound like I was just making excuses. Maye she figured it out in the end and that was the final nail.

This is what I get for starting in my mid-twenties. There are times when I think I'd be better off if I was RetroGamer97.

I'm not going to say that was my best because even I'm not that pessimistic.



leafplant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,222

29 Mar 2014, 8:33 am

The only thing you need to take away from this is that you went on a date with someone and didn't hit it off. That's literally all you need to think about this.

There is absolutely no point thinking about what you might have done wrong or what you might have failed to do because the truth is that your eventual girlfriend has to be a person who genuinely likes you, including your faults. And she will be someone who either finds your social inadequacies endearing or is completely unbothered by them - anything else and healthy relationship is impossible.

If you go on thinking about how to modify yourself in order to get any girl to want to go out with you, you are entering PUA territory and stalking the girls in the way a hunter stalks his pray. You don't want every girl. You want the right girl for you. This wasn't that girl. Move on.