Grateful for Wrongplanet: my refuge from relationship stress

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Do NTs understand Theory of mind? I really think they cannot understand anybody who is different.

I have a girlfriend (now fiancee) who loves me. but she is NT and seems unable to accept that my mind is different. A typical conversation:

me: "work was extremely stressful - I have to do more work than anybody else, all because of my inability to communicate"

she: "you have to tell them. It will make your life better."

me: "been there. done that. Do you want a long list of the times I have tried, and what happened?"

she: "just tell them,. Trust me, I have years of experience."

me: (five hours later I have written an email explaining in great detail exactly why every possible scenario makes things worse, with examples.)

she (annoyed): "I have made you depressed and offended" (not true) "you are not listening to me and you know how I hate that"

Everything else about our relationship is perfect. She adores me, will do anything for me, she's smart and funny and kind and sensitive... but she will never understand how an autistic mind works. She can only understand how NT minds work, and thinks everybody is NT. So I come here because you guys understand.

Thanks for being here.

Sounds to me like she doesn't understand nts either, only herself. Or more to the point, she gets the 'you're normal' treatment and has no idea how others are treated in situations like you describe. She's blind to how most nts really are.

I think you are right. She is otherwise perfect in every way, but this is her only weakness. I started another thread asking for help on that.