Relating Asperger Style

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Most NTs take relating to other people for granted because it's something they've learned as small children and may get more sophisticated about as they grow older but generally know the basics pretty well.

I think I won't be too off the mark when I say that people on the autistic spectrum forever have the problem with relating; it may get less complicated with new skills learned but it never ever completely goes away as a problem. Not even with those closest to us like parents or children or significant other.

Here are a few helpful guides on relating to others that I found on the internet and which should make a basis of any successful relationship - including romantic relationship.

http://www.wikihow.com/Improve-Your-Relationships

http://www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Relationship
http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Healthy-Relationship

For example, let's look at this advice:

How many people here think that the whole point of having a romantic partner is so that you would have someone whose duty is to listen to all your sob stories at any time without complaining?

How can you not feel related to someone when you are in a relationship?

I think anytime you bare your soul to another human being you are giving them a huge stick to beat you with, and sooner or later, they will use it.

Because you wrote "sooner or later," no one can disprove your assertion. That doesn't make it valid, and in my opinion makes it meaningless.

I don't disagree that this happens all too frequently, but if I believed that it would always happen eventually, then I would never get close to anyone. That makes the belief as stated useless, as well.

In terms of a case-by-case cost-benefit analysis, I rank the cost of a person using my vulnerability in that manner fairly low, and the benefit of learning that will do things like that as very high (disappointing, too).

Seriously? it happens more often than not. Anyway, Aspie issues add more problems to the mix, see this:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt254896.html

Baring one's soul is as sensible as peeling off one's skin and going for a swim in the sea.

The only way not to get hurt is not to have intimate relationships (including family relationships and close friendships). Being close to somebody means that person will hurt you. There is no way to avoid it.

I know! A therapist said that to me last year. Approximately 20 minutes later I made an executive decision to stop searching for love and stop giving my family and friends further leeway.

Do you assign values to emotional content and experience? Like, someone using the knowledge of your vulnerability to emotionally manipulate you into buying them cinema tickets would be -2; yet that same person using their knowledge of you enjoying particular sexual act and performing said act on you would be +6 therefore cancelling out the negatively valued experience?

I kind of did the same thing. I made a decision not to let other people's actions affect me emotionally. I try to stay separate from everyone, just be polite and considerate.

Do you mean you still date people you just don't get emotionally involved? I don't understand.

I try not to place too much emotional importance on what people do. I try not to take things personally. When I make something that someone else does really important, I am setting myself up for disappointment and bitterness. When I take things personal, I end up feeling sorry for myself and pissing people off. I create problems when there is none. For example, if somebody doesn't call, I assume it is because they don't like me or I made them mad. That is taking things personally, being narcissistic. The person is probably just busy. If I start pestering the person, asking them why they haven't called me, then they will get mad and pull away from me. It is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I don't care very much about what other people do, don't allow myself to get really close to anybody, then I won't fall into that type of thinking and the pain it causes.

Right now I am secluded--very secluded. I spend most of my time by myself, and I like it. My focus in life is on my interests and my personal goals. It feels good and peaceful. At the same time, I let people in a little bit, on the edges. If I meet somebody I really like, I'll let the person get really close to me, I can't help it, but right now I am not trying to have a relationship like that with all those intense feelings. I enjoy the pleasant, less intense interactions I have with others.

For me right now, dating is about friendship first and foremost (hanging out and enjoying time together). I am not looking for love. If I get some sex, I'll be grateful.

(To be brutally honest, I would be grateful just to get a date. I have never really dated before, just now learning what the concept means).

Seems relevant

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDdI7GhZSQA[/youtube]

Sentimentality annoys me. Go away pete and be cheerful somewhere else (joke!)

Sorry! *slinks off into the corner to play with his bricks*