I like to comfort and be comforted is this bad?

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04 Apr 2014, 6:21 pm

I don't know why but sometimes I want to comfort a woman but also at time same I want to be comforted to is this normal?

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Willard
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04 Apr 2014, 6:42 pm

Autism's Empathy issues should effectively prevent you from even knowing how to comfort anyone, or having the impulse to do so.

Who_Am_I
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04 Apr 2014, 7:47 pm

Willard wrote:

Autism's Empathy issues should effectively prevent you from even knowing how to comfort anyone, or having the impulse to do so.

If I care about someone enough I'll want to comfort them when they're upset. My attempts are clumsy and awkward, but a lack of empathy doesn't preclude a lack of care.

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AutisticGuy1981
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04 Apr 2014, 8:03 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

Willard wrote:

Autism's Empathy issues should effectively prevent you from even knowing how to comfort anyone, or having the impulse to do so.

If I care about someone enough I'll want to comfort them when they're upset. My attempts are clumsy and awkward, but a lack of empathy doesn't preclude a lack of care.

you have no idea what is going on inside their head though or how distraught they really are.

Most of us can't even tell when someone is fake smiling

Who_Am_I
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04 Apr 2014, 8:06 pm

AutisticGuy1981 wrote:

Who_Am_I wrote:

Willard wrote:

Autism's Empathy issues should effectively prevent you from even knowing how to comfort anyone, or having the impulse to do so.

If I care about someone enough I'll want to comfort them when they're upset. My attempts are clumsy and awkward, but a lack of empathy doesn't preclude a lack of care.

you have no idea what is going on inside their head though or how distraught they really are.

Most of us can't even tell when someone is fake smiling

Normally the type of people who I bother getting to know well are the type of people who'll tell me if they're upset rather than making me guess.
Also, I don't know about you, but if I spend enough time around a person, I can learn to read them.

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04 Apr 2014, 10:44 pm

http://www.thestar.com/life/health_well ... tface.html

Basically, the article says that those with AS might actually be more empathetic than NTs, but the aspie trait of being unable to process their emotions and show them in a socially acceptable way means that others usually don't pick up on it. Also, Who_Am_I 's comment makes sense and adds to the theory, since its very possible that poor attempts to help others are often confused with not trying to help.

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05 Apr 2014, 12:57 am

AspieOtaku wrote:

I don't know why but sometimes I want to comfort a woman but also at time same I want to be comforted to is this normal?

It's normal for me & I'm decently good at comforting my girlfriend but she's on the spectrum herself & dealing with depression & anxiety stuff. She doesn't always tell me what's wrong or that she's upset but like Who_Am_I said I kind of learned to read her. The problem I have is that I sometimes feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her & whatever I do makes her more upset but it's the nature of her depression & most anyone would have the same problems handling it & lots would probably be worse than me. She does an OK job of comforting me but the problem I have is that I kind of keep things to myself sometimes because I don't want to burden her because I know she's dealing with alot but my stuff sometimes comes out in the worst ways & at the worst times. We comfort each other then & get through it so that's what counts.

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daydrinker
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05 Apr 2014, 2:12 am

AspieOtaku wrote:

I don't know why but sometimes I want to comfort a woman but also at time same I want to be comforted to is this normal?

Perfectly, I feel the same way. I like my role as the protector/comforter. When I'm sick, I shutdown. Fetal position in the blankets and all of that non-sense. When that happens she has to comfort me.

AspieOtaku
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05 Apr 2014, 4:41 am

daydrinker wrote:

AspieOtaku wrote:

I don't know why but sometimes I want to comfort a woman but also at time same I want to be comforted to is this normal?

I guess Im not alone then. ..I just wish I had someone to comfort and comfort me in return and hug and embrace and...even share feelings. I have a mushy soft side.

hale_bopp
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05 Apr 2014, 4:44 am

Willard wrote:

Autism's Empathy issues should effectively prevent you from even knowing how to comfort anyone, or having the impulse to do so.

Speak for yourself.
I used to be like that, but I learned how to do it. It still feels stupid and I feel like a fool, but it's what's right and what others need.

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05 Apr 2014, 5:38 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Willard wrote:

Autism's Empathy issues should effectively prevent you from even knowing how to comfort anyone, or having the impulse to do so.

Speak for yourself.
I used to be like that, but I learned how to do it. It still feels stupid and I feel like a fool, but it's what's right and what others need.

You could have many kittycats comfort you! Teehee!

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