Trust issues and unwarranted fears

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Okay, so this is maybe a little silly.

BF and I have been dating 5 months. It's cool, things are going fine. He's basically been staying here, but is now officially moving in. (I posted about the situation on the In-depth adult life discussion board).

I am working right now, he isn't. I'm fine with that, for now anyway, we're okay on money. He keeps saying he wants to work and help with bills, but he's been pretty unmotivated to do so.

So, getting stuck in my head as I tend to do, I've developed this fear that he is only with me out of convenience. I don't really have any reason to believe it, but it's stuck there nonetheless, which makes me sad, because I'm with him because I really genuinely like him and care about him.

Maybe it is in part because I have never been the "breadwinner" so I'm just not used to it. He seems happy enough with our relationship, and he is very caring. My last "relationship" (only lasted a month, and it wasn't official) was very painful for me because I REALLY liked the guy a lot, and he seemed really into me, then one day he just texted me that he found someone else, turned out to be a mutual friend, and 4 months later they were engaged. I feel like, wow, how is it I could misread a situation that bad...

So now I am constantly second-guessing myself and having trust issues, which was never a thing before for me. Not about cheating, we have an open relationship, and he rarely leaves the house without me anyway, but I just keep wondering how he feels about me and our relationship. The thought scares me. I was the one who asked him out, which I had never done before. And we have been together 5 months and he has never really complimented my looks, which doesn't bother me in itself, it just makes this fear seem more real, like he's not that attracted to me, but to be fair, I don't really compliment his looks either, and I think he's gorgeous, it just hasn't been part of the way we communicate. We have also never yet said "I love you" and I'm too scared to do it right now, but it's odd as well because this is both of our third-longest relationships in our lives, and I don't know why we haven't said it.

Like I said I realize this is pretty silly and most likely all in my head, but I am kind of angry at the last guy because now I am always doubting myself and afraid I will get hurt. I want to ask him, but I feel foolish. I don't know why I'm posting this, I just needed a place to get it off my chest. I don't have a lot of close friends, but I do have a sponsor, I'm seeing her next Thursday, so if I'm not over it by then I can run it by her as well. I just feel like I'm doing that insecure girly thing I hate...

your BF is ASD and you are not?

TBH I think the worst thing anyone with an asd can do is give up their independence as it's a slippery slope and not good for the partner.
It pretty much killed my marriage and my wife probably thought the same as you do now.

she didn't know I was HFA until after we decided to separate though she said she would have stayed with me if she would have known but if it wasn't for us splitting up I would never have looked on the net why I was weird and I would never have seeked out a diagnosis


If I ever get with someone else I don't think I could give up my flat as I would seem to reliant upon them and they would likely assume I was with them for the wrong reasons.

To an extent, but it's not the money itself. I don't feel "cheated" or that it's "unfair" that he isn't helping with bills, and I realize that he's mostly just feeling unmotivated a lot lately. I don't think he is intentionally trying to be a mooch or anything. I will need him to contribute eventually, but as for now we are getting by okay.

It is more the fear that he "needs" me rather than "wants" me... I would rather feel wanted than needed. I feel as if I need some evidence that he is with me because he really wants to be, rather than because he can't get by well on his own...

There's a simple fix. Don't let him move in with you, because once he does, you will officially be the breadwinner and he wont have any drive to go back to work. If I were you, I would only live together with him after a year of dating at least and for him to have a part time job.

Has he been jobless for long? How does he occupy himself every day?

Red flags flying all over this one.

If the guy knows you have ASD Onewithwings he may not be saying "I love you" because he believes it will make you uncomfortable which Aspies tend to have problems with in relationship along with other expressions of intimacy & affection. As for seeming unmotivated with the job search; he could be trying to take things one step at a time & focus on the relationship & move in & get settled before really getting out there. It's really easy to get discouraged in job searching for some NTs as well as us Aspies due to the sh!tty economy.