How to help him feel better?

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

RikkiK
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 189

06 Apr 2014, 10:27 pm

My fella has a really big decision that he has to make really quickly (next few days) and though he says it's not stressing him out, he's just got to think about it, I feel like he's really worried that he's going to ruin his life if he makes the "wrong" decision (although, he's so utterly brilliant that I think he's underestimating his own abilities in life and thinking everything entirely rides on this decision).

I know he's stressed, or at least has a big ole decision to make, and it just makes my heart hurt so much to not know how to comfort him. I'm bringing him food when I can? I told him he can talk to me if he needs to, and I went over to talk to him about it for a while tonight, hoping that it can help him think things through or at least vent. And i'm trying to be extra physically affectionate, but I'm never sure how he feels about my kisses and contact (as in, how comforting he really finds it). He has Asperger's and I'm about to undergo evaluation, and I struggle with communicating my feelings and he is slow to open up with things just as much. Any suggestions as to things I can try to help him out? Usually making food for people is the one direct way I can say, hey I have a lot of love for you and want you to feel good, but I'm not so great with doing other things to express this. except straight verbally, which I have done a bit.

If you had a situation like this, how would you want your signif other to help/comfort you? Or any suggestions? I feel awful that I can't be of more help. I've given him my input on the actual decision but it is his decision to make and I don't want to impose my opinion by constantly telling him "what I think", ya know?

I am grateful for all help!



Last edited by RikkiK on 06 Apr 2014, 11:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

06 Apr 2014, 10:45 pm

Im not really good at words I just hug them. Because i feel the need one. :shrug:


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,622
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

06 Apr 2014, 11:22 pm

I have Aspergers & like your guy I get really stressed out about the idea of making big important decisions. Sometimes it just feels like whatever I decide will be the wrong decision & maybe it's because neither option could of worked out; least that's been my experience looking back on things I'm not sure how much his decision would affect you but I find it's harder for me to make decisions when I feel like they could negative impact my partner. I would factor in my partner's input which you already gave him which is good but it may also help if you could reassure him that you won't be upset with him if it negatively affects you & that you'll be there to help him through if it doesn't work out. If he really cant decide it may also help to tell him what you would decide & if he's still stuck you could tell him that you'll decide for him so you won't blame him & he shouldn't blame himself if it doesn't go smoothly. I hope it works out & the two of you can relax 1ce the decision has been made.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Aspinator
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,343
Location: AspinatorLand

07 Apr 2014, 7:26 am

What I feel is important is the acceptance of other people. Let him know he is an intelligent person and you know he will make an intelligent decision and whatever that choice is, you'll stand by him.



RikkiK
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 189

07 Apr 2014, 10:31 pm

thanks for all the feedback. he seems pretty close to his decision, and though when he talks out his reasoning, he seems to relax into the idea of his choice, he says he's still worried about it. I told him that the decision he makes will take him wherever he's meant to end up, but i'm not sure how much of a fate sap he is :) he seems okay, but i'll keep trying to reassure him. I have complete confidence in him, he just needs to trust himself.